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psycho Notandi frá fornöld 43 ára karlmaður
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Áhugamál: Vísindi, Tilveran, Heimspeki, Dulspeki, Húmor, Tölvuleikir, Battlefield, Skóli, Djammið, Blizzard leikir, Farsímar, Gamanþættir

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Engels rétta eðli :) (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 5 mánuðum

Engel kom heim úr vinnunni, dauðþreittur og uppgefinn, skellir sér oní húsbóndastólinn í stofunni, kveikti á sjónvarpinu og kallaði „Hei, Hulda, komdu með bjór handa mér áður en það byrjar!“ Hulda andvarpaði og lét hann hafa bjór. Kortéri seinna kallaði Engel aftur „Hulda, komdu með annan bjór áður en það byrjar!“ Hulda var fúl á svipinn, en kom samt með annan bjór og skellti honum önuglega á borðið við hliðina á húsbóndastólnum. Engel kláraði þennan bjór og kallaði enn til Huldu sinnar...

Engel tók "geek test" (13 álit)

í Tilveran fyrir 22 árum, 5 mánuðum

<p align=“center”>Engel tók svona geek test um daginn hér eru úrlausnirnar <B>Engel er 92% GEEK.</B><br> <a href="http://www.fuali.com/Online_Tests/geek/“><img src=”http://www.fuali.com/Online_Tests/geek/images/linus.gif“ border=”0“></a> <br><br><b>****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001</b> líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href=”http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

THIS is TRUE (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

CARNALVAL: A three-day public orgy in Brazil has been postponed after complaints by the local Catholic church. Planned for a beachside brothel near Rio, as many as 1,500 people were expected to participate until the complaints from the church. But due to publicity over the church complaints, the orgy "will happen [later] in a bigger and better complex because attendance has increased by a lot,“ said a spokeswoman for Brazil's Hedonist Club, which is hosting the event. Will the terrorist...

Engel og hulda (12 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Engel og Hulda voru búin að vera gift í rúmlega ár þegar Hulda kom hlaupandi á móti Engel einn daginn þegar hann kom heim úr vinnunni. Hún var frá sér numin af gleði. „Hvað er um að vera, elskan mín?“ spurði Engel. „Af hverju ertu svona glöð?“ „Ég hef dásamlegar fréttir. Ég er ólétt! Við erum að verða oreldrar!!“ sagði Hulda. Engel og Hulda höfðu verið að reyna allt árið að eignast barn og því er skiljanlegt að Engel yrði glaður við að heyra þetta. Hann kastaði frá sér nestisboxinu, tók...

Signs You're Suffering From Semester Burnout (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

* You're so tired, that you now answer the phone, “Hell” instead of Hello. * Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, “Get off my back, bitch!” * When your parents inquire about your grades, you sing the Cookie Monster song: “C is for cookie, that's good enough for me…” * You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care. * You've got so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to pee. * Just to take a break from studying, you...

Ways To Get Thrown Out Of Chemistry Lab (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

* Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others. * Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?” * Consistently write three atoms of potassium as ‘KKK.’ * Mutter repeatedly, “Not again… not again… not again.” * When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, “My eyes!” * Deny the existence of chemicals. * Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it. * Casually walk to...

Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

* It's an incentive to show up. * It reduces stress. * Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as “gross.” * It leads to more honest communications. * It reduces complaints about low pay. * It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. * Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. * It helps save on heating costs in the winter. * It encourages carpooling. * Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care. *...

Grandma & Grandpa (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

This old man and his wife were sitting on the porch rocking in their chairs. They'd been married for like 60 years. They just sat there rocking back and forth when all of a sudden Grandma reaches back and just slaps the hell out of Grandpa. He rubbed his face. “Ma what ya do that for” he asked. She looked at him and said “for being a sorry fuck for 60 years” They went back to rocking and in a couple of minutes Grandpa lays back and knocks the hell out of Grandma. He knocks her out of her...

Military Short Jokes (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days. We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.’ A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a...

Why Hockey Is Better Than Sex (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

It's legal to play hockey professionally. The puck is always hard. Protective equipment is reusable and you don't even have to wash it. It lasts a full hour. You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds. Your parents cheer when you score. A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon. Periods only last 20 minutes. You can count on it at least twice a week. You can tell the media about it afterwards.

Cat Got Your Tongue? (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little...

Falling Down (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

John came back from a safari in Africa. Upon arrival, he went to his friend, Mark, and told him of his adventures. “I was out in the jungle,” he said, “when all of a sudden I heard a noise in the bush behind me. Looking back, I saw a huge lion, licking his chops and smiling at me. The lion started coming my way and I started running, with the lion not far behind. When the lion was almost at my neck, he suddenly slipped, and I got ahead a bit. The lion started gaining on me again, and as he...

Three Dogs (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing. The second dog turned to him and asked, “What are you in here for, buddy?” “I'm in big trouble,” he said. “My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the seats. Now he's having me put to sleep.” “I know how you feel,” said the second dog. “My owners have...

You're Addicted To Your Computer If (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

ég er viss um að þetta á við eitthverja af ykkur :) * Your wife wants a diamond for her birthday, and you get her a Diamond Stealth Video Card. * You know what PPP, SLIP, HTML & FTP mean…but darned if you can remember your wife's maiden name. * You sit in front of the TV trying to type at a keyboard. * You find out that hemorrhoids aren't THAT painful, as long as you're on the ‘Net. * When someone yells out “What’s for supper?” you do a search for SUPPER.COM. * You suspect there's a virus in...

Windows 98 Brooklyn Edition (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Brooklyn version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside New York. If you have one of the Brooklyn editions you may need some help understanding the commands. - The Brooklyn edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. - It reads WINDAS 98 with a background picture of the East River with a floating body. It is shipped with a ‘NYPD BLUE’ screensaver. - Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled ‘Garbitch’ - My...

Short Drinking Jokes 2 (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk.” Our wasted friend asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?” “Yeah, buddy, I'm sure,” said the copper. “Let's go.” Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple.” Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does your wife ever…well,...

Short Drinking Jokes (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

How do you know that a female bartender is pissed off with you? There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish Funeral? One less drunk. How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb? Twenty One. One to hold the bulb and twenty to drink until the room spins. This really drunk guy walks up to a parking meter and puts in a quarter. He stares at the needle that has...

No Money (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Curt and Clayton wanted to go drinking , but they only had a dollar between them. Clayton looked over at a hotdog wagon nearby and he had a sudden inspiration. He spent the dollar on a hotdog, threw away the bun and stuffed the hotdog down his underwear.“ We're gonna walk into the bar and order beers and drink them down. When the bartender asks for the payment, I'm gonna stick this hotdog out my fly. You are gonna drop to your knees and start sucking on it. The bartender will be so grossed...

Aviation Rules & Reminders (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

* Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory. * If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Unless you keep pulling the stick back…then they get bigger again. * Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous. * The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat. * The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. * Every...

Halloween Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

* She's a goblin! * I'd like to get a little something in the sack. * Let me see your bag….OH!-You're having a great night! * Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head. * She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch. * If you just lick it, it'll last longer. * Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts. * Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth. * You scared me stiff! * He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!

Farmer (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?” The farmer replies, “I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize.” “How?” asks the man, puzzled. “Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to...

Dilbert's words of wisdom (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Dilberts Words of Wisdom 1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 4. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again. 5. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to...

Three Buttons (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face. Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in...

The Choice (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, “Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!” The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,...

A Visit With The Queen (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

President Clinton was to represent the United States of America on a highly formal, orchestrated “state visit” to Great Britain. Air Force One stopped at a bright red carpet along which the President strode to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses. The coach proceeded through the streets en route to Buckingham Palace with the President and the Queen alternating between exchanging pleasantries and waving each out their...

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