Hugi.is - Notendur

The Genie (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out walking one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. “I'll give each of you one wish, that's 3 wishes total” says the genie. The Canadian says, “I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer and my son also will farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada”. With a blink of the genies eye, poof, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around...

Nokia 5510 (56 álit)

í Farsímar fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Nokia 5510 já ég rak upp stór augu þegar ég rakst á hann á netinu um daginn. Þessi sími lítur ekki út fyrir að vera sími sem verður vinsæll. En þegar ég fór að skoða hvað í honum býr þá bíst ég við þvi að Þetta verði jóla JÁ jóla síminn í ár. Þannig er nú málið að þessi sími á að koma á undann nokia 6310 og á líklega að verða sími sem að leisir 3310 og 3330 af hólmi. Þetta er tilvalinn sími fyrir ungafólkið. Hugsið ykkur að vera mikið fljótari að senda sms. Hvernig líst ykkur nú á ? General...

Smáralind (4 álit)

í Tilveran fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

hvort er þetta smáralind eða tippi ? http://www.fresnik.com/smaralind.jpg ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Engel og blóm (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Varuð þið búinn að heyra um það þegar Engel hljóp nakinn í gegnum blómasýninguna? Hann fékk fyrstu verðlaun fyrir þurrblómaskreytingu. ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

ómennskar kynlífskröfur (9 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Jónas Lögfræðingur var að tala við nýjan viðskiptavin, bóndakonu sem vildi fá skilnað við bóndann, manninn sinn. „Hann gerir ómennskar kynlífskröfur kröfur til mín,“ sagði hún. „Hvað meinarðu með því?“ spurði Jónas. „Jú, sjáðu til, um daginn stóð ég og var að horfa á kjúklingana og þá kom hann allt í einu aftan að mér og tók mig bara á staðnum.“ „Kjúklingana?“ spurði Jónas. „Ég vissi ekki að þið væruð með hænur.“ „Nei, við erum ekki með hænur,“ sagði hún. „Þetta var við frystikistuna í kaupfélaginu.“

Arguing with Women (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

-There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

First In Line (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

A Sailor met a good looking blonde at the bar and was trying to get laid without much success. “I don't date servicemen,” she said, “but I am curious as to why you sailors have those two rows of buttons on your pants.” “Why, that's because we have two dicks,” the sailor replied. “Interesting, probably twice as much fun,” replied the blonde, “let's go to my place and try them out.” So they did, and after the first screwing the blonde says, “Boy, that was sure nice. Now that I'm rested and...

How To Give Your Cat A Pill (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in...

The Blonde at Wal-Mart (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it.” Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a...

My Dad's dating Rules (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

My Dad's Dating Rules Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them for you. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that...

Signs You're At A Wedding in Tennessee (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

* The rehearsal dinner is held at Hooters. * Instead of “friends of the bride or friends of the groom?”, ushers ask “Ford or Chevy?” * Bridesmaids wear pink tube tops and the groomsmen wear Travis Tritt t-shirts. * Phrase “I Do” is replaced by “I Heard That!” * Tender rendition of “The Wedding Song” is replaced by “Rocky Top” and performed by Boxcar Willie. * When the minister asks, “Who Giveth This Woman To Be Married…” some guy in the back stands up and hollers “Earnhardt!” * Reception...

Short Jokes on Valintines (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? Hog and kisses! What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love? A stupid cupid! Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? It was Valenswine's Day! Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? Sure, they're very scent-imental! What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? “I'm sweet on you!” What did the paper clip say to the magnet? “I find you very attractive.” What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's...

Why cares (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

There's a fat black guy and a funny black guy there both about to get shot. why die's first.. who cares……

Back Seat (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a “lovers point” where they started making out. After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her “Do you want to go in the back seat?” “NO!” she answered. Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, “Do you want to go in the back seat?” “NO!” she answers again. Now he...

What's It Cost? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?” At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:...

What If Your Dog's Name Was Penis (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog's name was Penis? * My Penis ate my homework. * Oh, no! My Penis is frothing at the mouth! * Sorry I'm late. I was playing with my Penis. * I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep my Penis on a leash. * My Penis doesn't come when I call it. * My Penis likes to crawl between the legs of guests. * I love giving my Penis a bath. * At night, I sleep with my Penis in my hands. * My Penis likes it when people pet him. * My Penis...

Penis Study (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study. After $250,000.00 and 3 years of research, they concluded that it was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted...

Disbelief (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling? “I've never felt better,” he replies. “I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?” The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, “Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidently grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near...

A Penguin (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

A guy is walking down the street, and he's really horny. So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out. The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he gets kicked out again. So by this time, he's really super horny, so he goes to the next one and says “Look, I only have five dollars. I'm really horny, and I need a blow-job for 5 dollars!” The guy there says, “OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin.” “What's a...

Witch Is Which? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house. When they arrived at the whorehouse, the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used “blow-up” dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, “I think the girl I had was dead....

Horseback Riding (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

A blonde had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. With her foot caught in the stirrups, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged the horse.

The Smartest Man In The World (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

One night, a twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. “Gentlemen,” he began, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash. The good news is...

Sherlock Holmes (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that...

What's It Cost? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?” At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:...

The Solution (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Alabama. They were doing well in the class and thought that going into the final they had a solid “A”. They were so confident that the weekend before finals week, they went to the University of Tennessee to party with some friends. They had a great time. However, with hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Alabama until early Monday morning, the day of the exam. Rather than taking the final then,...

Notendur

The Genie (0 álit)

Nokia 5510 (56 álit)

Smáralind (4 álit)

Engel og blóm (3 álit)

ómennskar kynlífskröfur (9 álit)

Arguing with Women (0 álit)

First In Line (0 álit)

How To Give Your Cat A Pill (2 álit)

The Blonde at Wal-Mart (0 álit)

My Dad's dating Rules (2 álit)

Signs You're At A Wedding in Tennessee (0 álit)

Short Jokes on Valintines (0 álit)

Why cares (2 álit)

Back Seat (0 álit)

What's It Cost? (0 álit)

What If Your Dog's Name Was Penis (1 álit)

Penis Study (0 álit)

Disbelief (0 álit)

A Penguin (0 álit)

Witch Is Which? (0 álit)

Horseback Riding (0 álit)

The Smartest Man In The World (0 álit)

Sherlock Holmes (0 álit)

What's It Cost? (0 álit)

The Solution (0 álit)

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