Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.’





A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?”

“1956,” was his reply.

“No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!”

“I'm not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, “It's only 2014 now.”





A Colonel and a Major are in the BOQ arguing. The Colonel says sex is 90% work and only 10% pleasure. The Major argues the opposite: 90% pleasure and 10% work. They can't agree, so seek a 3rd party to arbitrate. The only person around is a Private doing latrine orderly duty. They ask him his opinion. He asks them if he could speak freely, and they tell him to go ahead.

He answers, “Well, if you really ask my opinion, I'd say it's all pleasure, for if there was any work connected with it, you SOB's would have me doing it!”





A Marine walks in the restroom and sees a Sailor standing at the urinal, fussing with the thirteen buttons on his pants.

The Marine says, “It must be a pain in the ass to have to mess with all those buttons every time you take a piss.”

The sailor replies, “Yes it is! If I were a Marine, all I'd have to do is take off my hat.”





“I suppose,” snarled the leathery sergeant to the private, “that when you're discharged from the Army, you'll wait for me to die, just so you can spit on my grave.”

“Not me,” said the private. “When I get out of the Army, I never want to stand in line again.”






In the midst of a blazing battle, an officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly on the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier and dove back to safety.

“Private,” the officer said, “I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses.”

“Warehouses?!” the private shouted. “I thought you said whorehouses!!”