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Taxes (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 2 mánuðum
A little boy needed $100 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up, and decided to send it to President Clinton. President Clinton was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy $5. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money...

Theories (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 2 mánuðum
The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast. 3rd RunnerUp Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet means the Chinese cannot use acronyms; thus, they cannot communicate their ideas at a faster rate. 2nd RunnerUp The ‘Why Yawning Is Contagious’...

Kasmir síðan (6 álit)

í Tilveran fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
mér fist það leiðinleg að fólk skuli ekki búa til kasmir síður. sérstaklega þeir sem að eru þeir sem að eru búnir að eyða miklum tíma í það að vera komnir á ofurhuga listann. það eru ekki einusinni allir þar með síðu. ég er búinn að heyra fólk röfla yfir því að það sé með aðra síðu og vilji ekki nota kasmir drasl. hvernig væri þá bara að vera með hlekk yfir á hana svo að það væri hægt að...

hugleiðing (3 álit)

í Tilveran fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
ég er búinn að komast að því að það er ekki neitt sniðugt að fara fullur inn á netið máður á í erfolleikum með að pikka inn stafina.<br><br><b>****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001</b> líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Answering Machine Messages (6 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
* Hello, you've reached Simon and Sandy. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sandy likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right… real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you. * Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company, I've already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are...

Sex One-Liners (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? Goes-in-tight! What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like? Depends… What's “68”? You do me and I owe you one. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged! What do you call a man who cryes while he masturbates? A tearjerker. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and...

Lan fyrir þá sem ÞORA (2 álit)

í Tilveran fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
RisaLANið Smellur (200 manns) verður haldið að venju í Vörðuskóla Iðnskólans í Rvk helgina 19-21 okt. keppt verður í CS, RA2, AQ og Q3. Drífið í að skrá ykkur áður en það verður of seint. ég veit líka að það eru að koma þarna strákar sem að ætla að spila Emperor : Battle for Dune og nýa aukapakkan fyrir RA2 Yuri's Revenge og marga marga fleiri það er í raun hægt að spila hvað sem er ef þú færð eitthvern með þér í það...

heimsk lög (Iowa) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
Fylkislög Kisses may last for no more than five minutes. One-armed piano players must perform for free. A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public. It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp. Borgarlög Dubuque Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building. Indianola The “Ice Cream Man” and his truck are banned. Fort Madison The fire...

heimsk lög (Indiana) (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
Fylkislög Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday. A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b) Oral sex is illegal. A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17. It is against the law to pass a horse on the street. It is...

heimsk lög (Illinois) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
fylkislög You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of “eavesdropping” on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2. You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile. The English language is not to be spoken. Borgarlög Chicago Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. It is illegal to give a dog whiskey....

heimsk lög (Idaho) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
Fylkislög Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds. You may not fish on a camel's back. Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime Borgarlög Boise Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back. Coeur d' Alene If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car. Pocatello A law passed in 1912...


í Matargerð fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
This is available from a few select bars in NewYork. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon(unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a ‘Cunt Pump’. þessi kokteill er skráður sem heimsmet :) sem MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL það sem að fólki dettur ekki í hug <br><br><b>****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs...

World Records You Won't Find in any Book (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991. LONGEST PUBES Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina. MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina. ZITS In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England,> squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow puss a...

THIS is TRUE 13.10.01 (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
ZERO TOLERANCE GETS BACK TO NORMAL: Fifth-grader Paul Volz, 11, dealt with his fear of terrorism through art, drawing the burning World Trade Center towers. He was proud of his work: he taped the picture up near his study cubicle at school in High Ridge, Mo. “When I asked him why he did this, he just looked at me and smiled,” said North Jefferson Intermediate School principal Jeff Boyer. “This is totally inappropriate and Paul's behavior has to change,” he told the boy's parents. Boyer...

voru allir svona góðir á Valentine's Day (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
Roses are red and Violets are blue, I didn't buy you anything 'cause to be honest, I really don't like you. You used to give me, candy and sweets, you used to dress sexy, as a special treat. Now all I get is a complaint or some gripe. I liked you much better before you were my wife. I once cared about who you were and about what you thought but now I know better and I'll just screw your sister until I get caught. You say I don't love you, I don't care anymore. Well guess what? You are...

sorry.............. (14 álit)

í Tilveran fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
……….ég bara verð að nöldra smá yfir þessu. þessi helvítis sjór sem að kom í nót. það ætti að bannnnnnnna þetta helvítis land nema að það yrðu settir upp stórir hitarar fyrir ofan reykarvík eða eitthvað. ég er alla vegna að spá í það að koma mér héðan þegar að ég er búinn með skólann. ég er bara kominn með nó af þessum helvítis kulda og þessum helvítis snjó.<br><br><b>****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða....

smá hálka og allt í vitleisu (14 álit)

í Deiglan fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
“Suðvestlæg átt og víða hálka” Þetta er bara því miður það sem að við Íslendinarnir lifum við hér á Íslandi. En fólk virðist ekki átta sig á því þegar fyrsti hálku dagurinn kemur. Ég var á bíl í gær(aldrei eins og vant) og var á rúntinum hluta af kveldinu. Það er ekki eðlilegt hvað það voru mikið af árekstrum. Fólk var bara ekki að skilja það að það væri hálka og það yrði að passa sig á henni og dekkinn væru ekki að grípa eins vel og þau eðlilega mundu gera. Hvernig væri nú að fólk færi að...

þetta á líka við um Ísland (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
Aug. 12 Moved to our new home in New Jersey. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. God's Country. I love it here! Oct. 14 New Jersey is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through some beautiful hills and spotted some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be Paradise…I love...

Bill Clinton Goes To Heaven (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
Clinton died and went to heaven or to be more accurate, approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “'Tis I, your St. Peter, President Bill Clinton.” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had...

The Prez and the Pope (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administration foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the Devil. He checked out all of the paperwork, called the Pearly Gates admitting office, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem. The next day the Pope was called in, the Devil said his good-bye, and he began his journey to heaven. Along the way,...

Caps (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted...

Fast Turtle (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
A guy comes walking into a bar with a little turtle in his hand. The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape. The bartender asks the man, “What's wrong with your turtle?” “Nothing,” the man responds, “This turtle is very fast. Take your dog and let him stand at the end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be...

Rudy the Rooster (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
Farmer Brown woke up one morning to discover that his one and only rooster was dead. The chickens had started to get rather restless, so he called his friend, Farmer Black, to see if he knew any place he could get a rooster. Farmer Black told him that Farmer Red, two roads over, was trying to sell some of his roosters, Farmer Brown thanked him, and drove over to Farmer Red's. He knocked on the door and Farmer Red answered. He told him that he wanted the horniest rooster he had. He had just...

The First Realizations That You're Not In College (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
* You're waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed. * Beers at lunch get you reprimanded. * College sweatshirts are ‘casual’ instead of dress up. * Your parents charge rent. * The four food groups are no longer beer, pizza, chips and cereal. * It's ‘getting late’ when it's 9:30 p.m. * Three words: Student Loan Payments. * You make thousands of dollars a year - and still can't afford that dream Porsche. * You start eyeing the Light Beer Section appreciatively. * THEN, discussing with your...

Wish Gone Bad (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 18 árum, 3 mánuðum
One day a man walks into a bar with a lil man on his shoulder. The man looks all depressed and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender gives the guy a beer, then the little man runs down his arm and knocks it over. This happens a few more times, the bartender would give the guy a beer then the little man would run down his arm and knock it over. The bartender says, “Ok ill give you 1 more but thats it” So he gives the guy one beer and the guy puts his hand on the arm so the little man...
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