Hugi.is - Notendur

hhhehehe (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

———– A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, “Is he breast fed or on the bottle?” “Oh…he is breast fed!”, replied the woman. “Well then, strip down to your waist,” orders the doctor. She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table. The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite...

ertu nógu gamall (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Þetta er sönn saga úr dagblaði Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, “Because I don't believe you are over 21.” The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the...

Wrong Number (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A guy calls home from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, “Who is this?” “This is the maid,” answered the woman. “We don't have a maid!” “I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.” “Well, this is her husband. Is she there?” “Ummm… she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone whom I just figured was her husband.” Now he guy is angry. He says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?” “What do I have to do?” “I want you to get my gun from the desk in the den...

sálfræðingurinn Abby (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese? ————————————- Dear Abby, I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again. ————————————- Dear Abby, I...

?????? (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Q: What is the definition of confusion? A: 20 blind lesbians in a fish market.

Sex Change (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man is sitting at a bar, when a good-looking woman sits next to him. After a while she says, “Hi Bob.” “Do I know you?” he replies. “You sure do… it's me, Frank, your best friend.” “My GOD, Frank… it IS you!! What the hell….??!!” I went to Sweden and got a sex change.“ ”Wow, it's amazing! You really ARE a woman! Tell me something… does it hurt when they cut your penis off?“ ”Yeah… yeah that hurts, alright. But I'll tell you, it doesn't hurt NEARLY as much as when they stick that metal tube...

To My Darling Husband, (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

I'm sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so you'll be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what's been going on since your computer entered our lives two years ago. The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, Handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good but yours was excellent! The chair and back of your head are very...

dánarfregnnir (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. They are all asked, \\\“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?\\\” The first guy says, \\\“I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.\\\” The second guy says, \\\“I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our...

segið satt (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A woman and her son were in the kitchen one afternoon when he just returned home from school, the young boy soon asks,“ Mother how old are you? That s none of your business!,” the mother says, “how much do you weigh?”, he then asks, “That's none of your business!”, the mother replies, “Why are you and dad divorcing?”, he asks again, “That is none of your business!” the mother replies again. So the next day he asks his friends how to find out this information about his mother, Go and look at...

SALT OG PIPAR (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Sneezing Attack A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes his wang out and wipes the tip off. The woman has...

syngjum saman (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

I love my job, I love the pay ! I love it more and more each day. I love my Boss, he's the best ! I love his boss and all the rest. I love my office and its location I hate to have to go on vication. I love my furniture, drab and gray, and the paper piles up every day ! I love my chair in my padded cell ! There's nothing else I love so well. I love to work among my peers I love their leers and jeers and sneers. I love my Computer and all its Software, I hug it often though it doesn't care… I...

Getnaðarvarnir (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

An elderly woman went into the doctor`s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied - “I`d like to have some birth-control pills.” Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs.Smith, but you`re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?” The woman responded, “They help me sleep better!” The doctor thought some more and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?” “Simple, I put them in my...

pósturinn (8 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A nice young worker from the post office was sorting through her regular envelopes when she discovered a letter addressed as follows: GOD c/o Heaven Upon opening the envelope, the letter enclosed told about a little old lady who had never asked for anything in her life. She was desperately in need of $100 and was wondering if God could send her the money. The young lady was deeply touched, and she passed the hat among her workmates. She managed to collect $90, and she sent it off to the old...

er þetta einthvað sem vil viljum að börnin okkar þ (12 álit)

í Börnin okkar fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

ég var að fara út með ruslið, og sé ég ekki eina kínvesska kellingu vera hálf oní ruslafötunni. Þegar ég reyndi að vísa henni burt kunni hún ekki einu sinni islensku. ég spyr er þetta það sem við viljum að flytja inn svona útlenska aumingja? er ekki nóg af fátækt á íslandi svo við þurfum ekki að flytja inn atvinnuleysingja Ég hef sjaldan orðið jafn brjálaður og kellingin átti fótum fjör að launa þetta er ekki veruleiki sem mín börn eiga að horfa upp á. hvert er ykkar álit á svona ? viljiði...

ÍSLENSKAR KONUR (13 álit)

í Rómantík fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

HVER ER KYNÞOKKAFYLLSTA KONA ÍSLANDS? MÉR FINNST RÓSA Á SPOTLIGHT VERA EIN SÚ ALLRA GETNAÐARLEGASTA SEM VIÐ HÖFUM ÁTT LENGI. ÞÓTT DÓRA TAKAFUSA SÉ HELVÍTI NÁLÆGT HENNI.

SJÚKRA SKÁR (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Þetta er tekið úr sjúkraskrám. Það er fyndið að sjá hvað fólk getur látið frá sér þegar það reynir að vera of formlegt. Sumt meikar ekkert sens. - Sjúklingur er ekki þekktur fyrir að fremja sjálfsmorð.. ( no shit! ) - Að höfðu samræði við lækni féllst hann á að koma sjálfviljugur inn.. ( what does that mean..! ) - Á öðrum degi var hnéð betra og á þriðja degi var það alveg horfið.. ( uhu.. ) - Hún rann til á svelli og virðist að lappirnar á henni hafi farið í sitthvora áttina í byrjun...

ÁÁÁÁAÁÁÁÍIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII (6 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Strákur í sjötta bekk kemur heim eftir skóla einn daginn, mamma hans tekur eftir að hann er brosandi út að eyrum. Hún spyr hann, “gerðist eitthvað skemmtilegt í skólanum í dag.” Hann svarar, “já, ég gerði það með dönskukennaranum mínum.” Mamman er agndofa. “Þú talar um þetta við pabba þinn þegar að hann kemur heim” Þegar að pabbinn kemur heim og heyrir fréttirnar verður hann ótrúlega ánægður. Springandi af stolti, gengur hann til sonar síns og segir,“sonur sæll, ég heyrði að þú hafir gert...

góð familía (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A 60-year-old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40-year-old daughter playing with a vibrator. “What are you doing?” asked the mother. “Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I'm ugly. I'll never get married so this is pretty much my husband.” The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head. The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room, found his daughter using the...

Vinkonurnar (9 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Tvær vinkonur, ljóska og rauðka, voru eitt sinn á gangi þegar svo vildi til að þær gengu fram hjá blómabúð og sáu hvar kærasti þeirrar rauðhærðu var að kaupa blóm. Hún stundi þungan þegar hún sá þetta og sagði: “fjárinn, kærastinn minn er enn einu sinni að kaupa blóm handa mér án nokkurrar ástæðu.” Ljóskan leit furðu lostin á vinkonu sína og spurði: “Af hverju finnst þér ekki gaman að fá blóm?” Sú rauðhærða svaraði: “jú, jú… en hann er bara alltaf með svo miklar væntingar þegar hann gefur...

Á ensku en fínn (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

There was a German, an Italian and a Hafnfirdingur on death row The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: 1) to be shot 2) to be hung 3) to be injected with the A.I.D.S. virus. So the German said, “Shoot me right in the head.” (Boom, he was dead instantly). Then the Italian said, “Just hang me.” (Snap, he was dead.) Then the Hafnfirdingur said, “Give me some of that AIDS stuff.” They gave him the shot, and the Hafnfirdingur fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and...

Notendur

hhhehehe (0 álit)

ertu nógu gamall (0 álit)

Wrong Number (0 álit)

sálfræðingurinn Abby (0 álit)

?????? (3 álit)

Sex Change (0 álit)

To My Darling Husband, (0 álit)

dánarfregnnir (0 álit)

segið satt (0 álit)

SALT OG PIPAR (0 álit)

syngjum saman (0 álit)

Getnaðarvarnir (3 álit)

pósturinn (8 álit)

er þetta einthvað sem vil viljum að börnin okkar þ (12 álit)

ÍSLENSKAR KONUR (13 álit)

SJÚKRA SKÁR (0 álit)

ÁÁÁÁAÁÁÁÍIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII (6 álit)

góð familía (0 álit)

Vinkonurnar (9 álit)

Á ensku en fínn (0 álit)

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