Hugi.is - Notendur

Railway System (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Yo momma like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country! ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

A Redneck Computer Geekq (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

You might be a redneck addicted to the world of computers if……. * If yer computer stand is made of a stack of old tires or 2 x 8's and cinderblocks. * Ya think www. in a url is a logo for a wrestlin' organization. * Someone tells ya they're “locked up” and ya ask if they need bail money. * Ya've ever been too drunk to chat. * Yer screen saver is a confederate flag and plays dixie. * Ya think a harddrive is a trip to Uncle Bubba's. * Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spitcan. * Ya think a...

Let Her Know (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, “Put those on.” The bride replies, “I can't wear your trousers.” He replies, “And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!” The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, “Try those on!” He replies,“I can't get into your knickers!”...

Know What I Am Doing? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window… He tells her to take off her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. “Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor? “Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies. He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”,...

Fourth Marriage (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, “Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin.” The husband being shocked, replied, “How's this possible? You've been married three times before.” The wife responds, “Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he...

Dogs (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down. Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says,“Well, you see… I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep. The second dog says, ”Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't...

$5.00 Hooker (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A newly wedded couple were in their hotel room. The new bride was still getting ready before going down for dinner. She said to her new husband; “why don't you go down for a drink at the bar, then come back up to get me in a half-hour.” With that the husband went down and sat at the bar to have a drink. A ‘hooker’ came over and sat beside him and asked he if would like to go out with her. The newly wedded husband thought he might have some fun with this hooker and said; “OK I'll give you...

magic mirror (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Their are 3 ladies and a magic mirror that if you tell a lie you disappier. So a brunette walks in and said “I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world.” and poof she's gone. So a red head walks in and said “I think I'm the smartest girl in the world.” and poof she's gone. Then the blond walks in and said “I think…” and poof she's gone. ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like...

Blonde and brunette race (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Who would win if a blonde an a brunette jumped off a building…..“the brunette because the blonde had to stop and get directions. ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href=”http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“...

Final Exam Checklist (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

1) Bring a pillow, fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. 2) Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!” 3) If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol. 4) Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the...

Chet - The Christmas Parrot (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

One day a husband decided to go to a pet store and get his wife a bird for Christmas. He knew she loved animals, birds in particular, and decided this would be the perfect gift for her. He goes to the pet store and asks the manager if he has anything special in the way of birds. The manager tells him that in fact he does, it's a bird named Chet who sings. The guy is very interested and asks to see Chet. The manager brings him over to a beautiful bird and tells the husband that this is Chet....

Guide To Southern Talk (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

The Southern vocabulary is similar to the rest of the Nation's - it only sounds different. The following is a sample to help all Yankees, in hope that it will teach them how to talk right. Ah - The things you see with. Aig - Which came first, the chicken or the aig? Arn - An electrical instrument used to remove wrinkles from clothing. Ay-rab - The people who inhabit much of North Africa. Bawl - What water does. Bidness - The art of selling something for more than you paid for it. Bobbycue -...

Anheuser Busch (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung the wash out to dry, put a roast in the oven, then went downstairs to pick up some dry cleaning. “Gootness, it's hot,” she mused to herself as she walked down Main street. She passed by a tavern and thought, “Vy nodt?” so she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The bartender came up and asked her what she would like to drink. “Ya know,” Helga said, “it is so hot I tink I'll have myself zee cold beer.” The bartender asked, “Anheuser Busch?” Helga...

Jumping (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Two Quebecois walked into a pet store. Right away they go over to the exotic bird section. Jean-Marc says to Jean-Pierre, “Dats dem dere.” The store clerk comes over and asks if she can help them. “Yea, we'll take four of dem birds in dat cage up der,” says Jean-Marc. “Put dem in a paper bag.” They leave the store and drive for three hours until they are high up in the hills. They stop at the face of a large cliff with a 500ft drop. “Dis looks like a good place eh?” says Jean-Pierre. “Oh...

The Game Warden (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to “enforce the laws pending.” He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, “Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?” The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, “This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?” The hunter...

Semen On A Blue Dress (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

(To The Tune of Good Golly, Miss Monica) Semen on a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress Semen on a blue dress found! Fe, fe, fi, fi, fo, fo, fum Monica's dress has the President's cum! In the Oval Office, on the carpeted floor Till the Leader of the Country up and hollers for more In her reinforced kneepads with the Presidential Seal Seeking out that First Banana to peel! Semen on a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress Semen on a blue dress found! The Commander-in-Chief says, “You do it so...

Handbook to Football (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Do you remember primary school/junior high/high school? Do you remember talking about ‘the bases’ with your friends?… Well forget ‘em!! This is **FOOTBALL**. With the all new standardized guide to Football, you can forget any of the previous complications of having to remember what second base was or any of that shit. And you wonder why there is a strike in Baseball and not Football! Quite simply, Baseball is a boring, confusing, and often an ambiguous game especially when trying to compare...

Plane Stunts (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, “Anything you can do, I can do better.” Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, “So? What did you do?” “We just shut down two engines.”...

Reasons Cookie Dough Is Better Than A Man (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

*It's enjoyable hard or soft. *It makes a mess too, but it tastes better. *You always want to swallow. *It won't complain if you share it with friends. *It's “quick and convenient.” *You can enjoy it more than once. *It comes already protectively wrapped. *You can make it as large as you want. *If you don't finish it you can save it for later. *It's easier to get the kind you want. *You can comparison shop. *It's easier to find in a grocery store. *You can put it away when you've had enough....

The Scotsman At The Baseball Game (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

A recent Scottish immigrant to the U.S. attended his first baseball game. After a base hit, he heard the fans roaring, “Run…run!” The next batter connected heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stood up and roared with the crowd in his thick accent, “R-r-r-un yah bahstard. R-r-run!” A third batter slammed a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screamed, “R-r-r-un ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya.” The next batter's count went to three and two. As the...

Take The Bait (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish. The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was...

Yankee Fan (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection....

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK!! (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A REDNECK WHEN YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH YOUR WIFE'S SISTER SO NOW YOUR NIECES AND NEWPHEWS CALL YOU DADDY!!! ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“...

Video Rental (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds *VERY* stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. “I just rented an adult movie from you and there's...

Art Of Grading (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

ART OF GRADING Here is a list of the ways professors grade their final exams: DEPT OF STATISTICS: - All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: - Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind. DEPT OF HISTORY: - All students get the same grade they got last year. DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: - What is a grade? LAW SCHOOL: - Students are asked to defend their...

Notendur

Railway System (0 álit)

A Redneck Computer Geekq (0 álit)

Let Her Know (0 álit)

Know What I Am Doing? (0 álit)

Fourth Marriage (0 álit)

Dogs (0 álit)

$5.00 Hooker (0 álit)

magic mirror (0 álit)

Blonde and brunette race (0 álit)

Final Exam Checklist (0 álit)

Chet - The Christmas Parrot (0 álit)

Guide To Southern Talk (0 álit)

Anheuser Busch (0 álit)

Jumping (0 álit)

The Game Warden (0 álit)

Semen On A Blue Dress (0 álit)

Handbook to Football (0 álit)

Plane Stunts (0 álit)

Reasons Cookie Dough Is Better Than A Man (0 álit)

The Scotsman At The Baseball Game (0 álit)

Take The Bait (0 álit)

Yankee Fan (0 álit)

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK!! (0 álit)

Video Rental (0 álit)

Art Of Grading (0 álit)

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