Hugi.is - Notendur

1,2,3, og nú ..... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Eitt sinn voru Hafnfirðingur Reykvíkingur og Ísfirðingur í fjallgöngu og fundu helli og urðu frekar hræddir við að fara inn, en fyrst fór Hafnfirðingurinn, þegar hann kom inn í hellinn heyrði hann einhvern segja: 1, 2, 3, og nú ét ég þig, Hafnfirðingurinn varð skíthræddur og hljóp út, næst fór Reykvíkingurinn og heyrði þessi sömu orð, hann varð einnig hræddur og hljóp út eins og hrædd mús, loks fór Ísfirðingurinn inn en hann var með vasaljós og þegar hann heyrði þessi hljóð 1,2,3, og nú ét...

Málhaltir (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Eitt sinn voru 3 menn, sá fyrsti kunni bara að segja já, annar kunni bara að segja “með hníf og gaffli” og sá þriðji kunni bara að segja “jibbý”. Þeir voru dag einn að labba yfir götu, þá sáu þeir dauðan mann, lögreglan kom að og sagði: “drápuð þið þennan mann?” Sá fyrsti sagði: “já” þá sagði löggan: “með hverju drápuð þið hann?” þá sagði sá annar. “með hníf og gaffli” þá sagði lögreglan: “þið verðið settir í fangelsi” þá sagði sá þriðji: “Jibbýýý”...

Þjóðarást (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Veistu hvað þú átt að gerast ef þú villist í íslenskum skógi? Standa upp!!! ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Heimspeki Vectro (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Þjónn! Þessi diskur er blautur! Já herra, það er súpa í honum. ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Heimspeki Vectro (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Þeir í þvotta- húsinu týna öllu. En í síðustu viku gengu þeir of langt. Þeim tókst að týna hnappagötunum af jakkafötunum mínum! ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

mamma mammma (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Mamma, mamma! Það er maður frammi sem er að safna fyrir elliheimið. Á ég að gefa honum afa? ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Úr firðinum 10 (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Hvers vegna eiga hafnfirðingar kringlótt hús? Til þess að hundurinn pissi ekki í hornin ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Úr firðinum 9 (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Veist þú hvers vegna hafnfirðingar horfa alltaf beint upp í sólskini? Til þess að lita augun brún. ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Gosabrandarar (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Hvernig uppgötvaði Gosi að hann væri spýtustrákur? Hann var að rúnka sér og þá kviknaði í honum!! ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Gosabrandarar (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Hvað sagði álfkonan þegar hún sast á andlitið á gosa? Ljúgðu gosi, ljúgðu!! ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Disbelief (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling? “I've never felt better,” he replies. “I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?” The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, “Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidently grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near...

You Probably Flunked Sex Education If You Think... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

* A clitoris is a type of flower. * A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. * “Spread eagle” is an extinct bird. * Vagina is a medical term used to describe a heart attack. * A menstrual cycle has three wheels. * A G-string is part of a fiddle. * Semen is a term for sailors. * Anus is a Latin term for sailors. * Testicles are found on an octopus. * Asphalt describes rectal problems. * KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. * Masturbate is a lure used to catch large fish. * Coitus is a musical...

Gifts (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid. “Now what about the butler?” the rich woman said. “A set of wine glasses?” the maid suggested. The woman frowned icily. “He doesn't really need that. A butler never entertains. He'll get a tie.” The maid grimaced, but said only, “What about a dress for Jenny, the serving girl?” The woman frowned again. “She doesn't really need a new dress. She'll only get in trouble. We'll get her another apron.” The...

Hide And Seek (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

From Sandee Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and...

Is That All... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and...

Choking (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country. She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone. Well, these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his butt. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. The country boy pulls his...

Ways To Get Thrown Out Of Chemistry Lab (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

* Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others. * Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?” * Consistently write three atoms of potassium as ‘KKK.’ * Mutter repeatedly, “Not again… not again… not again.” * When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, “My eyes!” * Deny the existence of chemicals. * Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it. * Casually walk to...

Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

* It's an incentive to show up. * It reduces stress. * Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as “gross.” * It leads to more honest communications. * It reduces complaints about low pay. * It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. * Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. * It helps save on heating costs in the winter. * It encourages carpooling. * Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care. *...

An Answer For Everything (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a lovely young thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her and said, “Honey, before you leave, please let me explain.” The wife stopped to listen. He continued, “I was driving along the highway, and I saw this young girl looking very tired and bedraggled, so I offered her a lift. She was also hungry, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast...

Advice From Former Presidents (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Clinton, distraught and contemplating his latest scandal was walking through Washington looking for any kind of guidance. He walks up to the Washington Monument, looks up and says, “George, you were always wise, what should I do?” Low and behold, a voice comes down from above and says, “ABOLISH THE I.R.S. AND START OVER.” Clinton, amazed that he is talking to the past President thinks he'll try it again. He walks over to the Jefferson Memorial and utters the same request to Americas author...

2 For 1 (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle as hunting season was about to start. He goes to a rifle shop and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill.” The man takes a look through the scope and starts laughing. “What's so funny?” asks the clerk. “I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house,” the man replies. The clerk grabs the scope from the man...

State Of Tennessee Residency Application (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___...

Cubicle wisdom (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Cubicle Wisdom 1. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. 2. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 3. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent. 4. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings – they did it by killing all those who opposed them. 5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. 6. If at first you don't succeed - try management. 7. Never put off...

Swimming Head (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they're all in the pool The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down...

Employee Performance Evaluation (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________ KNOWLEDGE: 1.____ The son of a bitch really knows his shit 2.____ Knows only enough to be dangerous 3.____ Only half a brain and is dangerous 4.____ Brain damaged. His coffee cup has higher I.Q. ACCURACY: 1.____ Does excellent work is not preoccupied with women 2.____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass 3.____ Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten 4.____ Couldn't count his balls and get the same...

Notendur

1,2,3, og nú ..... (0 álit)

Málhaltir (0 álit)

Þjóðarást (0 álit)

Heimspeki Vectro (0 álit)

Heimspeki Vectro (2 álit)

mamma mammma (0 álit)

Úr firðinum 10 (0 álit)

Úr firðinum 9 (0 álit)

Gosabrandarar (0 álit)

Gosabrandarar (0 álit)

Disbelief (0 álit)

You Probably Flunked Sex Education If You Think... (0 álit)

Gifts (0 álit)

Hide And Seek (0 álit)

Is That All... (0 álit)

Choking (0 álit)

Ways To Get Thrown Out Of Chemistry Lab (0 álit)

Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work (0 álit)

An Answer For Everything (0 álit)

Advice From Former Presidents (0 álit)

2 For 1 (0 álit)

State Of Tennessee Residency Application (0 álit)

Cubicle wisdom (0 álit)

Swimming Head (0 álit)

Employee Performance Evaluation (0 álit)

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