Hugi.is - Notendur

Púkinn minnn (5 álit)

í Hundar fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði

Ég bý erlendis og fyrir mánudi sídann var ég ad skoda bladid og sá thar auglýsingu um ad verid vaeri ad gefa rottweiler blondu hvolpa faedda 20.01 2002 og ég hringdi nú til ad fá ad sjá thá vildi bara fá ad taka frá eda eithvad nei nei ég og kaerastinn minn fórum í langa lestarferd til ad sjá hvolpana endudum í hálf skuggalegu hverfi og bidum thar eftir ad gaurinn med hundinn kaemi og sótti okkur. Vid bidum og bidum og loksins kom gaurinn á gulum sportbíl, hann stekkur út og spyr okkur hvort...

Míkró (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 10 mánuðum

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said ‘WHERE AM I?’ in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their...

Maedur (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 10 mánuðum

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I've got you, both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12...

Kaldhaednin (5 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 10 mánuðum

Two men meet at the pearly gates of heaven. The first man says to the second, “Hey! How did you die?” The second man says, “I froze to death.” “Wow that must be a terrible way to die. What does it feel like?” asks the first man. “Well at first it hurts,” says the second man, “But after a while everything goes numb and it's very peaceful. Like drifting off to sleep almost. How did you die?” “Oh I had a heart attack,” says the first man. “You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me. So I came...

Sumir Redda sér (4 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 11 mánuðum

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wifeinterrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now”. He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have an Electricity Board logo printed on my forehead?… I don't think so.” “Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close properly”. To which he replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have ‘Hotpoint’ written on my forehead?…… I don't think...

einn med heimthrá (6 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 11 mánuðum

TRUCKER A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!“ The Madam is astonished. ”But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal.“ The trucker replies, ”Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick

geimverur (7 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 11 mánuðum

ALIENS Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it. “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pumps of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pumps haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, “Greetings earthling. We come in peace. How dare you...

Element Name: MAN (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: 180+ Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KID (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time....

Element Name: WOMAN (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at any thing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly...

Ég veit sannleikann........ (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth” even when you don't know anything. The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don't tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets...

Ekki stíga á endurnar (6 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven…don't step on the ducks.” So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says “Your punishment for stepping...

Hafmeyja (5 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

Three guys are having a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid – who begs to be set free, in return for granting each of them a wish. One of the guys just doesn't believe it, and says, “Okay, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.” The mermaid says, “Done.” Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly, and analyzing what he's recited with great insight. The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, “Triple my I.Q.” The mermaid says,...

Agnes (4 álit)

í Myndasögur fyrir 23 árum

Var ad surfa á netinu og fór inn á Dilbert.com sem er hetjan min well…..fyrir utan Garfield.com og inná Dilbert thá er haegt ad velja um fullt og fullt af teiknimyndasogum til ad skoda til daemis ein sem heitir agnes!!!! thetta er SNILLD!!!!! ég sit hérna á Internetcafé og veltist um af hlátri og thad er bara horft á mig !!! veit einhver hvar er haegt ad nálgast blod med thessari sogu í ????????? Einnig maeli ég med joecartoon.com sérstaklega ef thid erud med góda tolvu !!!!!

HÖzzl á djammi vitleysa eda..... (19 álit)

í Djammið fyrir 23 árum

Nú er ég ung stúlkukind á besta aldri t.e. á thrítugsaldrinum og hef nú gert minn skerf af thví ad hozzla á djamminu……. Mín reynsla er ad djammhozzl endast ekki……. hver kannast ekki vid thad ad vakna upp morguninn eftir og vera kanski ekki alveg viss um hvad manneskjan heitir sem liggur vid hlidina á thér…. eda hvar thú nádir í hana……. Ég hef adeins átt í einu djammhozzli sem hefur enst eithvad en thad var afthví ad ég var ekki thad drukkin……. eda eithvad fyrsta skiptid sem vid hittumst… og...

Ljóskur sko ;) ójá (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

Aftvíad ég er nú ljóska sjálf thá er kanski eins gott ad mar geri smá grín af sjálfum sér er thaggi annars???? kanski eru their gamlir en…gódir ?? 1)Afhverju eru Ljóskur oft med marbletti í kringum naflann…..?? -Afthvíad ljóshaerdir strákar eru heimskir líka….. 2)Hvad sagdi Ljóskan thegar laeknirinn sagdi henni ad hún vaeri ólétt……? -Á ég thad.. 3)Hvad sagdi Ljóskan thegar hún leit ofaní Cherrios pakkan? -Nei sko kleinuhringjafrae…. p.s. ég bidst enn og aftur afsokunar á thví ad hafa ekki...

Bluebird (0 álit)

í Ljóð fyrir 23 árum

Veit einhver eftir hvern thetta ljód er??????? there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him, I say, stay in there, I'm not going to let anybody see you. there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I pour whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he's in there. there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him, I say, stay down, do you want to...

Flugvélahúmor (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

3. Airline Humor 1/2 Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. From a Southwest Airlines employee…. “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…” 2. Pilot: “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you...

Alvoru aevintýri (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said, “Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup...

Meira um Men are like (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

Men are like…..Horoscopes. >> They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong. >> >> Men are like…..Lawn Mowers. >> If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it. >> >> Men are like…..Lava lamps. >> Fun to look at, but not all that bright. >> >> Men are like…..Laxatives. >> They irritate the shit out of you. >> >> Men are like…..Mascara. >> They usually run at the first sign of emotion. >> >> Men are like…..Mini skirts. >> If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs. >>...

Men are like ;) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

Men are like……Bananas. >> The older they get, the less firm they are. >> >> Men are like…..Bank Accounts. >> Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. >> >> Men are like…..Bike helmets. >> Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY >> >> Men are like…..Blenders. >> You need one, but you're not quite sure why. >> >> Men are like…..Cement. >> After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard. >> >> Men are like….Chocolate Bars. >> Sweet, smooth, and they...

laeknabrandarar!! (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

http://www.glaxowellcome.is/hlaturgas/sjukrahus.html

langur en gódur ;) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum

1. Canada VS America A Canadian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a diner when an American man, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Canadian ignored the American, who, nevertheless, started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, “You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?” The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, “Of course.” The American blew a huge bubble. “We don't. In the States, we only eat what's...

tíst (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 1 mánuði

3. Castration “Doc” says Arthur, “I want to be castrated.” “What on earth for?”, asks the doctor in amazement. “It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done”, replies Arthur. “But have you thought it through properly?”, asks the doctor, “It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!” “I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind – either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply...

mjog vondur!!! (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 1 mánuði

With apologies to the Italians… Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were a little tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy because they had heard that Italian food was really good. So off they went to Italy and ended up in Venice. On the Bridge of Sighs, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner. A few minutes later they noticed a...

Vidvaranir (6 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 1 mánuði

Warning Labels: In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On Sears hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.” (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” (The shoplifter special.) On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (And that would be how . . .?) On some Swann frozen dinners:...

Notendur

Púkinn minnn (5 álit)

Míkró (3 álit)

Maedur (3 álit)

Kaldhaednin (5 álit)

Sumir Redda sér (4 álit)

einn med heimthrá (6 álit)

geimverur (7 álit)

Element Name: MAN (1 álit)

Element Name: WOMAN (3 álit)

Ég veit sannleikann........ (1 álit)

Ekki stíga á endurnar (6 álit)

Hafmeyja (5 álit)

Agnes (4 álit)

HÖzzl á djammi vitleysa eda..... (19 álit)

Ljóskur sko ;) ójá (1 álit)

Bluebird (0 álit)

Flugvélahúmor (3 álit)

Alvoru aevintýri (1 álit)

Meira um Men are like (0 álit)

Men are like ;) (0 álit)

laeknabrandarar!! (0 álit)

langur en gódur ;) (0 álit)

tíst (3 álit)

mjog vondur!!! (3 álit)

Vidvaranir (6 álit)

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Notendur

Púkinn minnn (5 álit)

Míkró (3 álit)

Maedur (3 álit)

Kaldhaednin (5 álit)

Sumir Redda sér (4 álit)

einn med heimthrá (6 álit)

geimverur (7 álit)

Element Name: MAN (1 álit)

Element Name: WOMAN (3 álit)

Ég veit sannleikann........ (1 álit)

Ekki stíga á endurnar (6 álit)

Hafmeyja (5 álit)

Agnes (4 álit)

HÖzzl á djammi vitleysa eda..... (19 álit)

Ljóskur sko ;) ójá (1 álit)

Bluebird (0 álit)

Flugvélahúmor (3 álit)

Alvoru aevintýri (1 álit)

Meira um Men are like (0 álit)

Men are like ;) (0 álit)

laeknabrandarar!! (0 álit)

langur en gódur ;) (0 álit)

*tíst* (3 álit)

mjog vondur!!! (3 álit)

Vidvaranir (6 álit)

tíst (3 álit)