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Notendur

ikorni Notandi frá fornöld 40 ára karlmaður
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Um Einelti (11 álit)

í Börnin okkar fyrir 22 árum, 4 mánuðum

Þessi grein sem ég er nú að skrifa verður í tveim hlutum vegna þess, að það sem ég ætla að skrifa um er virkilega stórt mál. Það kallast einelti. Hérna ætla ég að skrifa um einelti og afleiðingar þess. Einelti felst í því að einn einstaklingur er áreittur af einum eða fleiri gerendum. Einelti skiptist í tvo flokka Andlegt og Líkamlegt. Andlegt einelti er þegar einhver er baktalaður, uppnefndur, skilinn útundan, ógnað og hafðar særandi athugasemdir um. Líkamlegt er þegar einhver er barinn,...

Bjöllu-kynlíf (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 4 mánuðum

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. “Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age,...

Diesel Fitter (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 4 mánuðum

Diesel Fitter Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, “Panty stitcher; I sew the elastic onto cotton panties.” The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. Sven was asked his occupation. “Diesel fitter,” he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week. When Ole found out, he was furious. He...

Hver var Jesús? (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 4 mánuðum

There are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone “brother” 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father's business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God. But then there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with his hands. 2. He had wine with every meal. 3. He...

The letters to no-one (0 álit)

í Ljóð fyrir 22 árum, 5 mánuðum

HEllo, No-one, I had to write to you, you are my only friend, which I can trust. I have done something wrong, something which I rue, for it is a sin, a frime, for which my soul will rust. For love and pain, a forsaken stain, crossbreeding in my head, makes my eyes go red. Dear, no-one, can you give me any advice, for my trouble is that big, I'm in love. This woman so wonderful, she has my enticed, I would walk from hell below and heaven above. For love… My friend, no-one, yesterday I was...

Blaðagreinar (4 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 5 mánuðum

When his .38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: he peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. Happily for most concerned, this time it worked. ———————- The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of...

Satan í kirkju(enska) (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 5 mánuðum

SATAN GOES TO CHURCH A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his...

Hvernig þessi heimur virkar (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 5 mánuðum

Let's see if I understand how the world works lately… If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant. If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company. If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender. If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television. If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer. And if a...

Ekki deila við börn (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 5 mánuðum

DON'T ARGUE WITH CHILDREN A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, it's throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”. The teacher asked, “What if Jonah...

Nöldur (á ensku) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 5 mánuðum

RAMBLINGS: 1. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? 2. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘GUESS’ on it. I said, Thyroid problem?“ 3. Sign In Oriental Pet Store: ”Buy one dog, get one flea…“ 4. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. 5. I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as well keep the first. 6. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's. 7....

Vinir? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 5 mánuðum

Friends? Are you tired of all those mushy “friendship” poems that always sound good but never come close to reality? Well, here is a “friendship” poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself Friends When you are sad,… I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. When you are blue,… I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you. When you smile,… I'll know you finally got laid. When you are scared,.. I will rag you about it every...

Stærðfræðisjöfnur (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 5 mánuðum

MARRIAGE Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until...

Fljóthugsa Flugfreyjan (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 5 mánuðum

Fast Thinker A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.” The agent replied, “I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.” The passenger was unimpressed. He asked...

Besta Kombakk lína allra tíma(enska) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

This was in the Washington Post… the title of the article was “Best Comeback Line Ever.” In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male,resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and...

Kynlíf er hollt.(Enska) (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 6 mánuðum

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results. REMOVING HER CLOTHES: With her consent………………….. 12 Calories Without her consent……………….. 187 Calories OPENING HER BRA: With both hands…………………… 8 Calories With one hand…………………….. 12 Calories With your teeth…………………… 85 Calories PUTTING ON A...

A bad day on the streets... (0 álit)

í Ljóð fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Staring with lifeless eyes, walking onward with no soul. Living with no compassion for the fellow man, “I don't care” is their bloodless lies. Laothig even the weakest creatures, stepping on them for a reason. A reason that nobody understands, living their lives with no features.

Frá hinum endanum... (1 álit)

í Ljóð fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Það er dagsbirta við endann á göngunum, og ég hef verið liggjandi hér, í marga daga, mig hefur dreymt um leið í gegnum græna haga - Af hverju er ég liggjandi hér í myrkrinu, það er svar við því sem ég vil fá að vita, og þó það sér kalt hérna, þá rennur niður dropi af svita. - En viltu segja mér eitt?, fyrst þú ert hér. Hvernig komst þú sjálfur hingað inn, og lest þetta bréf aftur, aftur en um sinn… ég er að fæðast.

Sick Little Piggy (0 álit)

í Ljóð fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

You'll be driven from the farm From the food that is kept in the barn You'll be driven to the slaughterhouse, Where you will be trapped and slaughter like a mous. You Are A Sick Little Piggy Sjoot him, Kill him, eat him with gravy Make him delicious with apple in his mouth Ha can be anything you want him to be, On the christmas plate, which is his fate. You Are A Sick Little Piggy Millions if innocent victims are killed, The bloody fascist geut their bloodlust filled Keep calling a liar,...

Or What? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more. “For the last 7 months,” the wife replies, “every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, ‘So are you going to pay today...

In My Mind (3 álit)

í Ljóð fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Look at this, the government have taken an egg and said it was my mind, Though they haven't noticed it, but their little behind. I haven't listend before, when I walked through the door, That live isn't always what it seems, it's all confused with our dreams, And they say that what you hear is only in my mind. Only in my mind… In my mind… My mind… Mind… How dare they say that I can´t think on my own, Though I smoke crack, sniff crystals and lie on my back, How can they say it is only in my...

Meet Skid Row (2 álit)

í Ljóð fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Meet Skid Row Telling us to shit in our face Grab Their soul and make them regret No one cares if you live or die Your waiting for the moment to strike To take possession to burn their hearts Turn your defence to offense Wiuthout remorse without respect (Chorus) Can you now see how we live? Can you now see that we're dying? Can you feel the disease of our young ones? We blame you, we curse you, For never ever looking, for never lending a hand. You promise this and promise all Deep inside...

Hinir týndu túrtappar(enska) (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

The Case OfThe Missing Tampons Ok, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down…etc. SOOOOoooooooooo I'm the only one who would be using Female products…..correct? A STRANGE thing was happening at my house. Tampons were disappearing. *insert Twilight Zone theme* Ok…. A few months ago I went to my cupboard to get out a Tampon and there was ONLY one left. I could have sworn I had just bought a box the month before. So, I go back to the store, buy a...

Sigmund Freud (and the sexual dreamers) (4 álit)

í Ljóð fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Please, lie down on the couch, now we are going to explore your dream. I don't care if you can´t pay, this is my hobby, I just want to know what it all means. You say that you were riding a strange red horse, and the animal didn't stay on course. Suddenly you were covered with infernal darkness, and your cloth was coloured in a blue madness. Your dream was sexually oriented, it was tainted with shame, Your fantasy was biblically wrong. I ain't wrong, I am Dr. Freud and the bible and...

25 vísbendingar (enska) (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

25 signs that you may have grown up 1. Your potted plants are alive. 2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup. 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as ‘dressed up’. 10....

On the brim of sanity (4 álit)

í Ljóð fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

I've been blessed a 1000 times or more, for I have what it takes, to rule the lands of lore. I shall not do anything to danger the equilibrium, and here is what I presume… You come from a long-distance clan, and you want to save it from extinction. You try to do anythin you can, but believe me, your family is justa pulp fiction. I have walked this thin asylum line, I have played with insanity. I have done nothing, and not committed any crime, on the brim of sanity… This is the new religion,...

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Hugi

Hugi.is - allt sem hugurinn girnist

Hugi notar vefkökur til að bæta notendaupplifun á vefsíðunni og greina umferð um hana. Einnig hefur Hugi uppfært persónuverndarstefnu sína. Skoðaðu stefnuna hér..

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