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Notendur

Harm Notandi frá fornöld 47 ára karlmaður
202 stig

Harm.

Enterprise (9 álit)

í Sci-Fi fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Ég hef verið að horfa á nýju þættina og er ekki alveg viss hvað á að halda. Þetta virðast vera ágætir þættir og fínir leikarar en ég er ekki alveg hrifin af því tímaskeiði sem þeir gerast á eða þeirri tækni sem er í gangi. Ég fyrir mitt leyti er ekki hrifinn að þeirri hugmynd að skipverjar enterprise séu aumingjar alheimsins og þurfi hjálp frá hinum og þessum til að komast úr klípum. Ekki miskilja mig þetta virðast vera fínir þættir svona eitt og sér enn ekki sem partur af Star Trek. Ps....

Kúrekinn (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Kúreki var í útreiðatúr umhverfis búgarð sinn þegar hann rekst á úlf sem er umsetin af tvem snákum. Kúrekinn tekur upp byssuna sína og drepur báða snákanna. Allt í einu breytist úlfurinn í indjána “úgg þú hefur bjargað lífi mínu, ég er töframaður ættbálks míns og ég mun veita þér eina ósk” kúrekinn hugsaði sig vel um og sagði loks “ég vildi að ég væri eins vel vaxinn að neðan og hesturinn sem ég sit á” indjáninn fór með þulu og dansaði og sagði svo “ósk þín hefur verið uppfyllt” kúrekinn...

um Pippa (12 álit)

í Sci-Fi fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Ég var að velta fyrir mér þessu með pippana og ef ég man rétt, þá var O´brian í DS9 með eithvað annað merki í kraganum en þessir venjulegu foringjar og var alltaf kallaður chief af hinum gaurunum. Síðan er fullt af liði sem er ekki með nein merki í kraganum, ég býst við að það sé útaf því að þau eru óbreittir (non commisiondeða unlisted)(en hvernig er þá þeim óbreittu raðað eftir tign?). En það væri forvittnilegt að fá skíringu á þessu með O´brian.

UFO (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters “UFO” were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off. “Do you realize what just happened?” the station owner finally uttered. “Yeah,”...

Sexual Exhaustion (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When order is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, “In...

Ford News (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

The Ford Motor Company is unveiling an electric car with a body entirely made of plastic. It's believed they're calling it the Cher.

A real Cowboy (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?” He replied, “Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am.” She said, “I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women; when I shower, watch TV, eat, whatever, everything seems to make...

Nymphomaniac Convention Speaker (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside him. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, “So, where are you flying to today?” She turns and smiles, and says, “To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago.” He swallows hard, instantly crazed with...

Down on my Luck (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. “I'm afraid I don't have a husband” she replies. “O.K. do you have a boyfriend?” asks the Midwife. “No, no boyfriend either.” “Do you have a partner then?” “No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own.” After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that...

Sharing an appartement (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Moshe invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Rivka, who shared Moshe’s apartment, was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Moshe and his apartment mate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Moshe volunteered, “I know what you must...

Caught Cheating (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight, and while enroute to his home, asked the driver if he would be a witness, as he suspected his wife was having an affair, and expected to catch her in the act. The driver agreed, and they both tiptoed into the bedroom, turned on the lights pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with another man. The husband put his gun to the man's head, and the wife shouted, “Don't do it, this man...

Wart (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Two women who used to be best of friends are now mad at each other and the following conversation takes place: Mary said,”I don’t like you going around telling everyone that my husband John has a big wart on his dick !” Sue replied, “ Mary I did not say that John had a big wart on his dick, what I said was “That It feels like John has a big wart on his dick!!”

A Close Shave (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has had getting a close shave around the cheeks. “I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.” The client placed the ball in his mouth, and the barber proceeded with the closest shave the man had ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asked in garbled speech. “And what if I swallow it?” “No...

A Day at the Races (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Mitch, a hard-shell Southern Baptist, loved to sneak away to the racetrack. One day he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt when he noticed this priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse, a very long shot, won the race. Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th racehorses lined...

Chicken Sandwiches (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken sandwich. He said, “Hey, how come you’re not eating chicken, don’t you like it anymore?” She said “ I love it but I have to stop eating it.” “Why?” he asked. She pointed to her lap and...

Biker Grandma (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoo’s all over his arms answers. She proclaims, “I want to join your club.” The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks; “Do you have a motorcycle? The little old lady replies “Yep … my bike’s parked over there”, and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway. The biker asks,...

Waiting in Line (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, “Just what the hell you are doing?” “Well,” said the guy, “you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can’t help practicing my art!” “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” the guy replied. “Im a lawyer. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me.

The Price of getting Old (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: “My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one. “Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee,” replied another. “I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. “My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,” another went on. “I guess that's the price we pay for getting old,”...

A Horth Thory (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Guy calls his horse rancher buddy and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse. “How will I recognize him?” his buddy asks. “That’s easy; he’s short and has a speech impediment” So, the man shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a male or female horse. “A female horth.” So, he shows him a prized filly. “Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth”? So, the guy picks up the man and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over. “Nith eyeth, an I thee her earzth”? So, he picks the...

Bull Libido (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Bull Libido A man takes his wife to the State Fair and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls. They come up to the first pen and there is a sign that says “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife pokes her husband in the ribs and says, “He mated 50 times last year.” They walked a little farther and see another pen with a sign that says, “This bull mated 120 times last year.” The wife hits her husband and says “That's more than twice a week! You could learn alot from him.” They...

Dividing souls (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

On the outskirts of town, there was a big old pecan tree by the Cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,” said one boy. Several were dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard,...

Need a Push? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in a pouring down rain is asking for a push. “Not a chance” says the husband - “It’s three o’clock in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed. “Who was it?” asks his wife. “Just a drunken stranger asking for a push” he answers. “Did you help him?” she asks. “NO, I didn’t-it’s three in the morning and it’s pouring out!”...

Plane Crash (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

An airplane was about to crash, and there were 5 passengers left, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, George W. Bush said, I am the President of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower, etc., and I am also the smartest president ever. So he takes the first parachute, and jumps out of the plane. The second passenger said, I’m Rasheed Wallace, one of the best basketball players in the NBA, and the Portland...

Sniffer Dog (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog takes the middle seat, and his handler explains that they work for the airline. “Don't mind Rover,” the handler says, “he is a sniffer dog, the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work.” The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, “Watch this.” He tells the dog, “Rover, search!” The dog jumps down, walks...

Lesson in Logic (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Two rednecks decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history,and logic. “What’s logic?” the first redneck asked. The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?” “I sure do.” “Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,” replied the professor. “That’s real good!” said the redneck. The professor continued, “Logic will also tell...

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Hugi

Hugi.is - allt sem hugurinn girnist

Hugi notar vefkökur til að bæta notendaupplifun á vefsíðunni og greina umferð um hana. Einnig hefur Hugi uppfært persónuverndarstefnu sína. Skoðaðu stefnuna hér..

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