Hugi.is - Notendur

The Chicken and the Horse (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer’s new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys...

Stutter (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class,and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Johnny's hand shoots up. “Not correct, Miss!” he says. “Please explain, Johnny,” replies the teacher. “Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah.The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went ”ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!“, and before he could say ”FUCK OFF!“, the...

Brave Firemen (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire Departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!” As soon as the chief heard this, he...

A man walks into a bar (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. “Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent.” “ONE CENT!” exclaims the guy. The barman replies, “Yes.” So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?” “Certainly, sir,” replies the bartender, “but all that comes to real money.” “How much money?” inquires the guy. “4 cents”, he replies. “FOUR cents!” exclaims the guy. “Where's the guy who owns this...

New Boyfriend (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Two high school sweethearts had been dating for four years, they had enjoyed losing their virginity together, and they were inseparable until they graduated. They had planned on going to college together, but he was accepted to a school on the west coast, and she was accepted to a school on the east coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would...

Penis Problem (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man in his 40’s goes in for a physical. The doctor says “I have good news and I have bad news.” The man says, “Give me the bad news first.” Doc says, “There is a problem with your penis, you can only get a few more erections, and then you won’t have any more for the rest of your life.” The man says, “What in the world is the good news?” Doc says, “We know the number is exactly 25, so you can plan your use of them accordingly.” The man leaves and drives around for a couple hours pondering...

Taxidermist (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a Grape Nehi. Surprised, the bartender looks around and says “You ain't from around here… where you from, boy?” The guy says, “I'm from Pennsylvania.” The bartender asks, “What do you do up in Pennsylvania?” The guy responds, “I'm a taxidermist.” The bartender asks, “A taxidermist… what the heck is a taxidermist?” The guy says, “I mount dead animals.” The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us.

Quiet! We're hunting! (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said, “Stay here and be very QUIET. I’ll be across the field.” A few minutes later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son. “What’s wrong?” the father asked. “I told you to be quiet.” The son answered, “Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, ‘Should we eat them here or...

Barfight (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and – WHACK!! – knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little guy thinks “GEEZ,” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden – WHACK!! – the big dude knocks him down AGAIN. This time he says, “That was a judo chop from Japan.” So the little guy has had...

Lucky Old Man (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man is jogging in the park when he comes across a 98 year old man weeping on a park bench. The jogger stops to see if he is ok. The old man replies “Life couldn’t be better. I’m living with a nineteen year old nymphomaniac! In the morning when I wake up we have sex. Then she brings me breakfast in bed. After breakfast we have sex again and I have my mid-morning nap.” He continued “We normally eat out for lunch at a nice restaurant and then it’s back into bed for ‘afters’. Then I spend the...

Dear Abby (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Dear Abby, My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he’s a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue. He is a hard worker, but many of his coworkers are leery of him. Every time he gets caught, he just denies it all. Then he admits he was wrong, and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he’s a cheat. What should I do? Frustrated...

Breast icons (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

Finally, something to put on your mobile phone text messages other than smiley faces. . . . (o)(o) Perfect breasts (+)(+) Fake silicone breasts ( * )( * ) Perky breasts (@)(@) Big nipple breasts oo A cups {O}{O} D cups (oYo) Wonder bra breasts ( ^ )( ^ ) Cold breasts (o)(O) Lopsided breasts (Q)(O) Pierced breasts (p)(p) Hanging tassels breasts \o/\o/ Grandma’s breasts ( - )( - ) Against the shower door breasts o | | o | Android breasts ( $ )( $ ) Martha Stewart’s breasts

first day back at school (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

It was the first day back at school after summer vacation for the class of seven year olds, the teacher asked them what they did while away from school. Mary shouted out “Please Miss, I went out with Mummy and Daddy and we saw some moo-moos.” The teacher interrupted Mary and told her that she is a seven year old now and should not be using “baby words like moo-moo.” Just then, Peter blurted out “Please Miss, I went to stay with my uncle on his farm, he has lots of baa-baas.” Teacher...

Adam and God (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

God said, “Go down into that valley.” And Adam said, “What’s a valley?” and God explained it to him. Then God said, “Cross the river” And Adam said “What’s a river?” and God explained it to him. And then God said, “Go over the hill.” And Adam said, “What’s a hill?” and God explained it to him. Then God told Adam, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.” And Adam said, “What’s a cave?” And God explained that to him. “In the cave you will find a woman.” And Adam said, “What’s a...

A baby was born (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. “Are you my doctor?” he asked. “Why, yes, I am,” said the doctor. The baby said, “Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth.” He looked at his mother and asked, “Are you my mother?” “Yes, dear, I am,” said the mother beaming. “Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born,” he said. He then looked at his father and asked, “Are you my father?” “Yes, I...

depressed (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man is feeling realy depressed, his wife has left him and taken the children, he`s lost his job and his car has been repossed. so he thinks of kiling himself. Having no idea how to go about this task and affraid to ask his friends or familly he decides to go to the library and get a book on the subject. When he arrives at the library he asks the librarian if she has any books on suicide. “im affraid we havent got any left”, she says, “they never bring them back”

miðvikudagskvöldið sem fór í vaskinn (6 álit)

í Litbolti fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Eru einhverjar hugmyndir um að gera eithvað um helgina, svona í staðin fyrir miðvikudagskvöldið sem fór í vaskinn ? P.s. væri gott ef einhver gæti upplýst mig um hvað kom fram á þessum irc fundi sem var kl 8.00 í kvöld því ég var upptekinn og misti af honum.

Hvað vitið þið? (1 álit)

í Kvikmyndir fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Hvað vitið þið um margar myndir sem eru með sama söguþráð mömu aðalpersónu og sama leikara í aðalhlutverki? T.d “Thunderball” og “Never say never” í James Bond seríunni en báðar voru með Shean Connery í aðalhlutverki og með sama söguþræði.

Rodeo (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

“Me and the wife did it rodeo style last night,” one friend confided to another. “Rodeo style? How do you do it rodeo style?” he asked. “You start out doing it doggy style, then you slap her ass and tell her that she doesn't fuck nearly as good as her sister. Then you try to stay on for as long as you can.”

The bear and the Rabbit (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Once upon a time a bear and a bunny rabbit were out together in the woods taking a poop. The bear asked the bunny, “Do you ever have a problem with poop getting on your fur?” The rabbit replied, “of course not!” So the bear grabbed the bunny and wiped his butt with him

doctor (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

A doctor had just finished a marathon shagging session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn’t really ethical to screw his patients. However, a little voice in his head said, “lots of other doctors have sex with their patients so its not like you’re the first…” … This made the doctor feel a bit better until another voice in his head said, “of course, they probably weren’t vets….”

marry me (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

“I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!” shouted the woman to her husband! The husband replied, “You should've known how stupid I was the minute I asked you to marry me!”

A little rabbit (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, “Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so much better!” The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, “Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come...

Sick (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Carlos calls his boss in the morning: “Ey, boss I can't come to work today. I got a headache, a stomachache, and my legs hurt, too. I'm a friggin' mess!” The boss says: “You know Carlos, I really need you here today. When I feel like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me a blowjob. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that.” 2 hours later Carlos calls: “Boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. And by the way, you got a real nice house!”

redneck’s (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

In the back woods of Oklahoma, a redneck’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, Here you hold this high so I can see what I am doing. Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. Whoa there, said the doctor, Don’t be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there’s another one coming. Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a...

Notendur

The Chicken and the Horse (0 álit)

Stutter (0 álit)

Brave Firemen (0 álit)

A man walks into a bar (0 álit)

New Boyfriend (1 álit)

Penis Problem (0 álit)

Taxidermist (0 álit)

Quiet! We're hunting! (0 álit)

Barfight (0 álit)

Lucky Old Man (0 álit)

Dear Abby (0 álit)

Breast icons (0 álit)

first day back at school (0 álit)

Adam and God (0 álit)

A baby was born (0 álit)

depressed (0 álit)

miðvikudagskvöldið sem fór í vaskinn (6 álit)

Hvað vitið þið? (1 álit)

Rodeo (0 álit)

The bear and the Rabbit (1 álit)

doctor (1 álit)

marry me (0 álit)

A little rabbit (0 álit)

Sick (0 álit)

redneck’s (0 álit)

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