Hugi.is - Notendur

Nýji gaurinn... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

Það var nýr gaur að byrja í stóru fyrirtæki í bandaríkjunum. Stjórinn: Whats your name? nýji gaurinn: john. Stjórinn: No your last name…you know, smith, jones, baker. nýji gaurinn: My name is John Darling. stjórinn: Welcome aboard, John!

Kjaftæði,,,,,eða hvað... (0 álit)

í Geimvísindi fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

Ég veit ekki alveg um allt þetta með UFO´a ,ég meina það eru fullt af gervihnöttum þarna úti. Flugvélar koma líka til greina, en jeg held samt að það er líf einhverstaðar úti geimnum,,,,maður veit aldrei…

CLINTON VISITS SADDAM (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

Clinton visits Saddam Hussein to talk about the weapon- inspections in Iraq. As he sits down he sees three buttons in the arm-rest of the chair of Saddam. When Saddam sits down, Clinton immediately asks: ‘why are there three buttons in your arm-rest?’ ‘You’ll see' replies Saddam. They start the talks, but after 10 minutes Saddam presses the 1st button, and ‘WHACK’ a boxing glove hits Clinton in the face, Clinton grabs his nose, while Saddam is laughing himself silly. Clinton remains calm...

HEAVY-COOL LAG (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

Starr-I-Are. I'm here to ask, As you'll soon see… Did you grope Miss Lewinski? Did you grope her In your house? Did you grope Beneath her blouse? I did not do that Here or there… I did not to that Anywhere! I did not do that Near or far… I did not do that Starr-you-are Did you smile? Did you flirt? Did you peak Beneath her skirt? And did you tell The girl to lie When called upon To testify? I do not like you Starr-you-are… I think that you Have gone too far! I will not answer Any more…...

Einn grófur á ensku (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

A flat-chested young lady goes to Dr. Smith for advice about breast enlargements. He tells her, “Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the top of your nipples and say, ‘Scooby dooby dooby. I want bigger boobies.”’ She did this every day faithfully and after several it worked! She grew great boobs! One morning running late and in her rush to leave for work, she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.At this point she loved her boobs and didn't want to lose them, so she got up...

Einn SNILLDARBRANDARI (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

A typical married couple were lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bedlamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he paused and reached over to his wife and started fondling her. He did this only for a very short while, then he would stop and resume reading his book. The wife gradually became aroused with this, and thought that her husband was seeking some response as encouragement before going any further. She got up and started...

Bara fyrir stelpur (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

Men are like…..Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you. Men are like……Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like…..Vacations. They never seem to be long enough. Men are like…..Bank Machines. Once they withdraw they lose interest Men are like…..Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them. Men are like…..Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why. Men are like…..Cement. After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard. Men are...

Wolf style (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

A pregnant woman and her husband asked the doctor if it was okay to have sex during her pregnancy. He told them that during the first trimester they could do it normal-style, during the second trimester they should do it dog-style and during the third trimester they were limited to wolf-style. “Wolf-style?” queried the husband. “What's that?” “You lie next to the hole and howl,” replied the doctor.

Beer vs. Pussy (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer. A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot. Advantage: Pussy. Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton. Advantage: Beer. Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not. Advantage: Draw. If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted. Advantage: Pussy 24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come...

Besti brandari sögunnar,,,lestu þennan... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before....

fullt af góðum á ensku (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

There's a debate between an optimist and a pessimist. The optimist says “This is the best of all possible worlds!” The pessimist responds, “Yeah!” How many apathetics does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Who cares? My favorite movie review: “This movie wasn't released, it escaped!” Do you know that program for Windows beginners named “Bob for Windows?” They're working on a version for the Mac – they're calling it “Bob for Apples.” What did the L.A gang member say when the houses fell...

Einn um Spice Girls og Hanson (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

One day Hanson and the Spice Girls were all on an airplane. They all got into a discussion when Baby Spice stated, “You know, I could toss a thousand-dollar bill out the window of this plane and make one person very happy.” Then the eldest Hanson brother said, “Well, I could toss 10 one-hundred-dollar bills out of the plane and make ten people pretty happy.” Then Sporty Spice said, “Well, I could toss 100 ten-dollar bills out of the plane, and make 100 people happy.” Then the middle Hanson...

Man's Best Friend (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. “George,” says the shocked friend, “what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?” Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, “My wife just ran off with my best friend.” He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. “But,” says...

20 lögfræðinga brandarar (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog. Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy. Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand. Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? A: Cut the rope. Q:...

40 ljósku brandarar á ensku (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

How did the blonde try to kill the fish?She tried to drown it. What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle?A dope ring. How did the blonde explain how her helicopter crashed?She said it was getting cold, so she turned off the ceiling fan. Why did the blonde quit her job as a restroom attendant?He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds. How does a psychic refer to a...

Baby baby (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

At one bus stop, a woman got on, holding her baby. The bus driver said without thinking “Wow! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen.” Angry, the woman slapped her fare into the fare box and stormed back to a seat near the rear of the bus. Seeing that she was upset, the man sitting next to her asked what was wrong. “That bus driver insulted me,” she said. “Why, he's a public servant.” The man replied. “He shouldn't be allowed to insult passengers.” “You know what,” the woman said, “you're...

The Preacher (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

Tony was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Tony's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper and Tony used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing...

Snilldar-brandari á Ensku (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

Gift for the Teacher On a special Teacher's Day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it over her head, and said, “I bet I know what it is…some flowers.” “That's right!” said the boy. “But how did you know?” “Just a wild guess,” she said. The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is…a box of candy.” “That's right! But how...

Frog Princess (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

Crossing the road one day, a man heard a frog call out to him “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.” The man picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog tried again, saying, “If you kiss me and turn me into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week!” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, but then returned it to his pocket. Getting desperate, the frog yelled out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful...

Baseball Fans (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

Jimmy and Joe were just about the biggest baseball fans in America. They went to some 60 games a year. They even made a pact that whoever died first would try to return in spirit form and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. Well, Joe finally died one summer night. A few nights later, the sound of his voice woke Jimmy from a sound sleep. “Joe, is that really you?” Jimmy asked. “Of course it's me.” Joe replied. “I can't believe it!” Jimmy said. “So is there baseball in heaven?”...

Skydiving (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 25 árum, 7 mánuðum

My friend wants me to go skydiving. I'm like, I don't know, it sounds dangerous. He says, “Oh, come on. You only live once.” I said, “Dude, that's my point!”

Notendur

Nýji gaurinn... (0 álit)

Kjaftæði,,,,,eða hvað... (0 álit)

CLINTON VISITS SADDAM (0 álit)

HEAVY-COOL LAG (0 álit)

Einn grófur á ensku (0 álit)

Einn SNILLDARBRANDARI (1 álit)

Bara fyrir stelpur (0 álit)

Wolf style (0 álit)

Beer vs. Pussy (0 álit)

Besti brandari sögunnar,,,lestu þennan... (0 álit)

fullt af góðum á ensku (0 álit)

Einn um Spice Girls og Hanson (0 álit)

Man's Best Friend (0 álit)

20 lögfræðinga brandarar (0 álit)

40 ljósku brandarar á ensku (0 álit)

Baby baby (0 álit)

The Preacher (0 álit)

Snilldar-brandari á Ensku (0 álit)

Frog Princess (0 álit)

Baseball Fans (0 álit)

Skydiving (0 álit)

Dýr

Dægurmál

Fræði

Leikir

Lífið

Lífsstíll

Margmiðlun

Menning

Skjár

Sport

Tónlist

Tækni

Vélar

Hugi