Hugi.is - Notendur

Two Elements (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Usage: Highly...

An Answer For Everything (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a lovely young thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her and said, “Honey, before you leave, please let me explain.” The wife stopped to listen. He continued, “I was driving along the highway, and I saw this young girl looking very tired and bedraggled, so I offered her a lift. She was also hungry, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast...

Elephants Penis (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

A Mother and Father take their young son to the circus. When the elephants appear, the son is intrigued by them, and he turns to his mother and says, “Mom, what's that hanging between the elephant's legs?” The mother is very embarrassed, and says “Oh, it's nothing son.” So the son turns to his father and asks the same question. The father replies, “It's the elephant's penis, son.” So the son says, “Why did mom say it was nothing?” The father draws himself up, and says proudly, “Son, I've...

Risk (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. “Henry,” she said, “I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?” “Er, yes, I did,” said the husband. “But I couldn't spell ‘convenience,’ so I made it...

Lipstick (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

“Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?” the suspicious wife sneered. “No, I can't,” the husband replied. “I distinctly remember taking my shirt off.” ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a...

Organic Vegetables (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?” “The produce guy looked at me and said, ”No. You'll have to do that yourself.“ ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF...

Of Professions (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

Of Professions Two men and a woman were sitting at a bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, “I'm a yuppie… you know, young, urban, professional.” The second guy says, “I'm a dink… you know, double income, no kids.” They then asked the woman, “And you?” She replied, “I'm a wife… you know, wash, iron, fuck, etc.” ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF...

the next one (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. “I'm busy,” he said. “I'll do the next one.” The next time came around and she asked again. The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked at his wife. “I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby.” ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF...

Womens' English (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

WOMEN'S ENGLISH Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new...

Fleeing ... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. “There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. “What in hell am I doing?” he thought and pulled...

Who is better (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

These two guys go to a whorehouse. The first guy goes in then comes out and says, “My wife is better.” The second guy goes in then comes out and says, “You know what? Your wife IS better.” ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL...

All In The Family XXX (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

A little kid walks in his parents room and catches them making love he asks his dad what are you doing? the father said playing poker so the little kid asks so what's mom doing? so the father said she's my ace in the hole the following week the little kid is visiting his grandparents and walks in there bedroom and catches them making love and he asks grand-pa what are you doing? the grandfather said playing poker so then the little kid asks what's grand-ma doing? the grandfather said she's...

No milk for you! (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

Little Johnny was playing in the farm yard one morning. The chickens were out running around, and getting in Little Johnny’s way. In a temper tantrum he started running after them and kicking them. His mother caught him kicking the chickens, and said, “That’s it! No eggs for you for one month!” Later that afternoon, Johnny was playing in the pasture, and soon started chasing the cattle and kicking them with his feet. His mother again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, “No...

celebrating their 35th (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said; “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.” So the the fairy picked up her wand and poof - the husband was...

Grandma & Grandpa (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

This old man and his wife were sitting on the porch rocking in their chairs. They'd been married for like 60 years. They just sat there rocking back and forth when all of a sudden Grandma reaches back and just slaps the hell out of Grandpa. He rubbed his face. “Ma what ya do that for” he asked. She looked at him and said “for being a sorry fuck for 60 years” They went back to rocking and in a couple of minutes Grandpa lays back and knocks the hell out of Grandma. He knocks her out of her...

women comparing (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

Three women are at a bar comparing their husbands penis size to beer. The one woman says “my husband is a Mountain Dew.” Why is that asks the second wife . Because he is always mountin me and we are always doing it. The second wife says “my husband is a seven up.” Why asks the third wife . Because he is seven inches and he always has it up. Well the last wife says my husband is Jack Daniels. Why that is not a soft drink that is a liquor. I know that is my...

The Marriage of My Son (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

A boy says, “Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married!” The father says, “For that son, you have to have a boy and a girl.” The son says, “I've found a girl.” “Who?” “My grandmother.” “Let me get this straight,” the father says. “You want to marry my mother? You can't do that.” “Well, why not?” the son says. “You married mine!” ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho...

Marriage or Prison (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement where she finally found her husband crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. “What's wrong with you?” she asked him. “Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were...

The Loud Wife (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

A man is speeding down the freeway when he's stopped by a police car and has to pull over. “Do you realize you were doing 80 m.p.h. in a 60 m.p.h. zone, sir?” asks the policeman. “That's impossible, sir, I never break the speed limit,” replies the driver. The driver's wife butts in and says, “Yes, you do, I'm always telling you to keep your speed down.” The policeman says, “I also noticed, sir, that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You put it on as I was walking over to your car.” That is...

Disbelief (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling? “I've never felt better,” he replies. “I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?” The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, “Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidently grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near...

Fatal Things To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

*“Sure you'll get your figure back – we'll just search 1985 where you left it.” *“How come you're so much fatter than the other chicks in Lamaze?” *“What's the big deal? If you can handle *me* going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out.” *“Hey, when you're finished puking in there, get me a beer, willya?” *“Yo, Fatass! You're blocking the TV!” *“I finished the Oreos.” *“Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds.” *“Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess...

Dating Vs Marriage (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

When you are dating….. Farting is never an issue. When you are married ….You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times. When you are dating….. He takes you out to have a good time. When you are married ….He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to drink?” When you are dating….. He holds your hand in public. When you are married ….He flicks your ear in public. When you are dating….. A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad. When you are married ….A King size bed...

Is That All... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and...

yo mama 28 (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

YO MOMMA SO FAT She wears Hoola Hoops to hold up her Socks!! ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

yo mama 27 (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

YO MOMMA SO FAT in high school she sat next to everybody!! ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

Notendur

Two Elements (0 álit)

An Answer For Everything (0 álit)

Elephants Penis (1 álit)

Risk (0 álit)

Lipstick (0 álit)

Organic Vegetables (0 álit)

Of Professions (0 álit)

the next one (0 álit)

Womens' English (0 álit)

Fleeing ... (0 álit)

Who is better (0 álit)

All In The Family XXX (0 álit)

No milk for you! (0 álit)

celebrating their 35th (0 álit)

Grandma & Grandpa (0 álit)

women comparing (0 álit)

The Marriage of My Son (0 álit)

Marriage or Prison (0 álit)

The Loud Wife (0 álit)

Disbelief (0 álit)

Fatal Things To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant (0 álit)

Dating Vs Marriage (0 álit)

Is That All... (0 álit)

yo mama 28 (0 álit)

yo mama 27 (0 álit)

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