Hugi.is - Notendur

Short Job Related Jokes (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. “That customer's going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?” “Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.” My Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. I asked him what happened. “You know what a foreman is?” he asked. “The one who stands around and...

How much? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

New people were entering college so the Dean went over the rules. He firmly stated that no boy could go in the girl bunk and no girl could go in the boy bunk. He said if you do you must pay a fine. $25 the fisrt time, $50 the second time and so on and so on. One kid raised his hands and asked “How much for a year round pass?”

A Penguin (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A guy is walking down the street, and he's really horny. So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out. The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he gets kicked out again. So by this time, he's really super horny, so he goes to the next one and says “Look, I only have five dollars. I'm really horny, and I need a blow-job for 5 dollars!” The guy there says, “OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin.” “What's a...

Blonde Shorts (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out? If you're not in bed by midnight, come home. What is a blonde's mating call? “I'm so drunk!” What's a blondes idea of natural childbirth? No make-up. What does a blonde make for dinner? Reservations. Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box. Did you hear about the blonde who got locked in the bathroom? She was in there so long, she peed her pants. How many blondes does it take to make...

Kona á bar... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Barþjónn er að vinna á bar eitt kvöldið og er frekar mikið að gera. Þegar líður á kvöldið kemur þessi brjálaða gella uppað barborðinu og er í fötum sem eru ekkert rosalega neitt að fela rosalega mikið af líkama hennar. Barþjónnin fer til hennar og spyr hvað hana langi í. Hún svarar, “Ég er að leita að eigandanum”. Hann: “Hann er nú bara ekki við í kvöld, er eitthvað sem ég get gert fyrir þig” Þá teygir hún sig svona soldið yfir barborðið þannig að hann fær jafnvel betra útsýni yfir brjóstin...

nokrir ljóskubrandarar (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

ég er viss um að eitthvað af þeim hefur komið áður Af hverju tvöfalda ljóskur ekki uppskriftir? Vegna þess að ofninn kemst ekki hærra en 350°c Varstu búinn að heyra um Ljóshærða úlfinn? Hann festist í gildru, og nagaði af sér 3 lappir og var samt fastur. Varstu búinn að heyra um ljóskuna sem setti köttinn sin í bað? Hún er ekki en búinn að ná öllum hárunum af tungunni á sér. Afhverju tala ljóskur ekki þegar á kynlífi stendur? Mömmur þeirra sögðu þeim að tala ekki við ókunuga og mömmur þeirra...

smá pælingar (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Fyrst það eru björgunarvesti undir flugvélasætum .. skildu þá vera fallhlífar undir sætunum í Akraborginni? Þarftu hljóðdeyfi ef þú ætlar að skjóta látbragðsleikara? Afhverju er Tarzan ekki með skegg? ímyndaðu þér veröld þar sem ekki væri hægt að ímynda sér. Gæinn sem ekur snjóruðningsbílnum .. hvernig kemst hann í vinnuna á morgnana? Ef að belja myndi hlæja .. myndi þá mjólk spýtast út um nefið á henni? Ef að þú bindur brauð með sultu á bakið á ketti .. og lætur detta niður á gólf .. myndi...

einn bjór takk.................. (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Eitt sinn labbaði maður inn á bar og sagði við barþjóninn,láttu mig nú fá einn bjór áður en blessuð lætin byrja,og hann fékk hann.5 min seinna mætir maðurinn aftur við barinn og segir láttu mig nú fá einn bjor áður en blessuð lætin byrja,og já já hann fékk hann.svona gekk þetta þangað til maðurinn kom í 9 skiptið og sagði enn einu sinni,láttu mig nú fá einn bjór áður en blessuð lætin byrja,þá sagði barþjónnin,hvernig væri nú að borga hina 8 bjórana áður en þú færð þann 9………….þá muldraði...

suma bíla á ekki að kaupa :) (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

1. Hvað heitir Skoda Upp á Holtavörðuheiði? svar: Kraftaverk. 2. Hvað gerðist þegar skodan keyrði á kettlinginn? Svar: Skodan dó. ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

You Might Be A Firefighter If... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

* You run towards a dangerous situation and not away from it. * You have ever uttered the words, “I can break the door if you need me to Cap,” before actually testing to see if it is locked. * You have ever been dressed from head to foot in rubber and it was not a sexual experience. * Your idea of ventilation is done with a chainsaw and not a Bag-Valve-Mask. * You have ever had a passionate disagreement on the BEST color to paint a fire vehicle.

Cinderella's Fella (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man is driving home late one Halloween night and is feeling very horny. As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here for miles. He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin. After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police car pulling up. The cop walks...

The Message (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. “Are you the landlord?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. “Actually, no” he replies. “Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?” she asks, running her hands up beyond his...

The Blind Carpenter (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out, “I am a blind carpenter and I need a job.” The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says, “If you're blind, how can you work in a lumber yard?” The blind carpenter says, “I can tell any piece of lumber by it's smell.” The foreman says “O.K. I'll give you a test and if you pass the test, you've got a job.” The foreman takes the carpenter over to a table and says, “I will put some lumber on a table in front of you and you tell...

Randy The Rooster (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster and told this to the market vendor. The vendor replied: “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!” So the farmer bought Randy and took him back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house, though, he gave Randy a little pep talk: “Randy,” he said, “I'm counting on you to do your stuff.” And with that,...

Redneck Dictionary (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

HEIDI - noun. Greeting. HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: “Heidi, hire yew?” BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.” Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.” MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and I ain't herd from him in munts.” THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: “Ah thank ah'll have a bare.” BARE - noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: “Ah thank...

Penis Study (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study. After $250,000.00 and 3 years of research, they concluded that it was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted...

Hockey (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They all drowned in spring training.

Micheal Jackson and Walmart (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

What does Micheal Jackson and Walmart have in common? They both have little boys breifs half off

Why E-Mail Is Like The Male Reproductive Organ (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

10. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. 9. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow made to feel inferior. 8. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it. 7. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (e-mail envy). 6. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done. 5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information...

The Penis Tax / Breast Tax (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

The only thing the I.R.S. has not taxed is the penis. This is due to the fact that: 40% of the time it's hanging around unemployed. 20% of the time it's pissed off. 30% of the time it's hard up. 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of all this, it has two dependants and they are both nuts. Accordingly, starting January 1, 1999, penises will be taxed according to size. To determine the category, please consult the chart below and confirm this information of Page 2, Section 7, Line 3, of...

helvítis tíkur!!!! (2 álit)

í Tilveran fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

ég vildi bara minna á þennan kork http://www.hugi.is/skoli/korkar.php?sMonitor=viewpost&iPostID=306167&iBoardID=195 ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Undirtónar ! ! ! (2 álit)

í Tilveran fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

ég vildi bara benda ykkur á þessa slóð á kork. http://www.hugi.is/skoli/korkar.php?sMonitor=viewpost&iPostID=306167&iBoardID=195 endilega látið í ykkur heira ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

A.T.H. (0 álit)

í Djammið fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

ég vildi bara láta vita af þessu: http://www.hugi.is/skoli/korkar.php?sMonitor=viewpost&iPostID=306167&iBoardID=195 Reyndar það eina sem að þetta kemur djammi við er það að þetta er skólaball ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Barnalegt ! ! ! (0 álit)

í Tilveran fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

ég vildi bara láta vita af þessum póst: http://www.hugi.is/skoli/korkar.php?sMonitor=viewpost&iPostID=306167&iBoardID=195 ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Tækja kunnátta Íslendinga :) (12 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Farandsölumaður sem var að selja sjónvarpstæki af nýjustu og bestu gerð bankaði uppá hjá Jónasi og Möggu. Hann sýndi þeim tækið sem hann vara að selja og m.a. til að sýna þeim hvað fjarstýringin var öflug þá fór hann inn á klósettið og notaði hana þaðan. Það er óþarfi að taka það fram að Jónasi og Möggu leist svo vel á tækið að þau keyptu það strax. Núna finnst þeim mjög gaman að horfa á 50 tommu sjónvarp í lit, dólbí steríó, surránd hljóði og hvað sem nöfnum tjáir að nefna. Það eina sem fer...

Notendur

Short Job Related Jokes (0 álit)

How much? (0 álit)

A Penguin (0 álit)

Blonde Shorts (0 álit)

Kona á bar... (0 álit)

nokrir ljóskubrandarar (0 álit)

smá pælingar (0 álit)

einn bjór takk.................. (0 álit)

suma bíla á ekki að kaupa :) (1 álit)

You Might Be A Firefighter If... (0 álit)

Cinderella's Fella (0 álit)

The Message (0 álit)

The Blind Carpenter (0 álit)

Randy The Rooster (0 álit)

Redneck Dictionary (0 álit)

Penis Study (0 álit)

Hockey (0 álit)

Micheal Jackson and Walmart (0 álit)

Why E-Mail Is Like The Male Reproductive Organ (0 álit)

The Penis Tax / Breast Tax (0 álit)

helvítis tíkur!!!! (2 álit)

Undirtónar ! ! ! (2 álit)

A.T.H. (0 álit)

Barnalegt ! ! ! (0 álit)

Tækja kunnátta Íslendinga :) (12 álit)

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