Golfer in Heaven An avid golfer dies and goes to heaven. He is met by St. Peter who tells him, “Welcome to Heaven. I know you will be pleased to know that this is the best golf course in the universe!” The man's eyes turn cloudy. St. Peter says, “And the weather here is always good.” A tear begins to form in the man's eye. St. Peter says, “And there is never any lines of people when you want to golf.” A tear starts dropping from the man's other eye. St. Peter hurriedly says, “And your drives...

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't' givin' him any of mine.” The second bull says, “That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have...

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this. The teacher says, “Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today.” Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question.” The teacher asked, “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?” Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, “Abraham Lincoln.” The...