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PugMan
PugMan Notandi frá fornöld 39 ára karlmaður
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50 Ways to annoy Osama Bin Laden.... (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited To A Dinner Party At His Secret Afghan Lair, by Alan Meiss 1. Point out the lice in his beard to make him feel self-conscious. 2. Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say, “Doesn't that sound a lot like a B-52?” 3. Ask him if he's looking forward to replacing Hitler as Satan's favorite chew toy in the lowest inferno of Hell. 4. Tell him all about your great vacation to Saudi Arabia, where you went absolutely everywhere and did...

A Definite Difinition (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is “definitely” and its meaning is “absolute, positive, without a doubt.” She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself. Susan stands up and says, “The sky is definitely blue.” The teacher replies to her, “Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray,...

Hefuru Keyrt Full(ur)??? (0 álit)

í Bílar fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði

A nun!? Drinking?! (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine and she said, “Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy.” “Sister Mary Katherine,” exclaimed Jack, “I could never do that! I've never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!” “Oh Jack,” she responded, “it's only for the Mother Superior.” Her voice dropped. “It helps her constipation, you know.” So, Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night Jack closed the store and walked home....

A Scottish Tourist At His First Baseball Game... (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring “Run….Run!” The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: “R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!” A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams “R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!” The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the...

Engineering In Hell (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you're an engineer – you're in the wrong place.” So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone...

Blind Bunny, Meet Blind Snake (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. “Oh, please excuse me!” said the bunny. “I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.” “That's perfectly all right,” replied the snake. “To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?” “Well, I really don't know,” said the bunny. “I'm...

Coming to America (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea. “Driver? Can I drive for a while?” “Sure,” says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope? So the Pope takes the wheel and starts driving like a maniac all around Washington – dodging in and out of traffic, going eighty, cutting people off. Soon, a cop pulls him over. But when the Pope rolls down the window, the cop stops dead in his tracks, and goes back to the car. “We got somebody really...

Christmas Cop (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid said, “Yeah.” The cop said, “Well, next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike.” The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket. Before he rode off he said, “By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa...

Ps2 Vs. X-Box (0 álit)

í Leikjatölvur fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði

Kanntu Friends Lagið? (0 álit)

í Gamanþættir fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði

Brooms & Carrotsticks (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
Bob was joining the army and they were handing out rifles when he arrived, so he got in line. When it got to Bob, they had run out of guns. The man issuing rifles gave him a broom ''This is a magic broom – point it at anybody, say ‘Bangity bangity bang,’ and they will die.'' Bob was really worried because he didn't think it would work, but he got in line for bayonets, thinking he might stand a chance if he could stab them to death. As luck would have it, Bob's turn came and they had ran out....

Broom Factory (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
A blonde has been working in a broom factory since childhood, despite the state's strict anti-child labor laws, and has always been a good worker. But one day, she storms into her boss' office. “I quit! That's it, I'm not working here anymore!” “Why?” asks the boss. “What's the problem?” “I've been working here for so long that I've grown the broom bristles between my legs. I can't take it anymore.” “Listen,” the boss says. “That's perfectly normal. Look, I have those too.” “Oh, my God!” she...

Bed Football (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, “7 points!” His wife looked at him and said, “What the hell are you doing?” He simply replied, “Just playing bed football.” Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, “Tie game - 7,7.” The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining… when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, “Now what's the score?” He said, “Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!”

Baked bean death (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
Slash, a well-known murderer, had been on death row for nearly 20 years. During that time, he had befriended the Warden. Now, the Warden still had a job to do, but that didn't stop him from treatin' Slash special from time to time. A week before Slash was to go to the electric chair, the Warden asked Slash if there was anything special he would like. Slash thought for a bit and said he would like the Warden to contact his wife and have her make meatloaf for him the rest of his life (which by...

Bad male Drivers. :) (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
Bob and Bill are driving down the road going about 85 mph. Up comes a red light and Bob goes right through it. Bill turnes to Bob and says, ‘'What the hell are you doing?’' Bob says, ‘'Don’t worry—my brother does it all the time.'' So on they go, and — bam! — 85 mph through another red light! Again Bob says, ‘'Don’t worry, my brother does it all the time!'' Then they're driving along and coming up on another red light, and as soon as it turns green, Bob jams on the breaks and skids to a...

Bad dog (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, ‘Did you hear that Fluffy died?’...

Hell (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to personally escort the man around so he can choose the section of hell he would like to be in. The first section has everybody being burned constantly and getting a glass of water every 7 hours. The second section has everybody working hard and getting a glass of water every three hours. The last section has everybody kneedeep in crap. “Well, this doesn't look too bad – and it beats being burned or working. I'll take the crap.” “Okay,” says the...

Four close friends (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
There was a dentist, an electrician, a salesperson, and a carpenter that met everyday for breakfast at a low income diner. They were all married except the salesman. When he was married, he went on his honeymoon with his wife. The other three still met for breakfast when he was gone. An idea came up to play some practical jokes on the new married person. “I'll make his bed slant so his bed will collapse when he is making love,” said the carpenter. “I'll hot wire his mattress so that he'll...

The Blonde (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. “Hey, girls,” says the brunette, “let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know.” So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. “That was fun,” says the...

Jói (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
Jói litli fer framhjá svefniherbergi foreldra sinna um miðja nótt, þegar hann var að ná sér í vatnsglas. Heyrir hann þá mikið af stunum og látum frá herberginu og kemur að þeim á “fullu”. Áður en pabbi hans nær áttum, hrópar Jói litli upp fyrir sig “Vá maður, hestbak! Pabbi, má ég fara á hestbak?” Pabbi hans sér að hann getur haldið áfram án þess að vera truflaður meira, og samþykkir þetta. Jói litli hoppar á bak pabba sínum, sem heldur sinni iðju áfram. Stuttu seinna byrjar mamma hans að...

Kleppur (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 1 mánuði
Velkominn í þjónustusímann. Ef þú þjáist af… ..þráhyggju, skaltu ýta í sífellu á 1 ..ósjálfstæði, skaltu fá einhvern til að ýta á 2 ..klofnum persónuleika, skaltu ýta á 3, 4, 5 og 6 ..ofsóknarbrjálæði, þá vitum við hver þú ert og hvað þú vilt. Bíddu á línunni svo við getum rakið samtalið ..ranghugmyndum, veldu 7 og við gefum þér samband við móðurskipið ..þunglyndi, þá skiptir ekki máli á hvaða hnapp þú ýtir - það svarar þér enginn hvort eð er ..lesblindu, skaltu velja 696969696969...

Gamla Konan (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 2 mánuðum
Lítil gömul kona kom í Hagkaup og setti 2 dósir af dýrasta kattarmatnum sem til var í innkaupakörfuna. Síðan fór hún að kassanum til að borga og sagði við kassadömuna “ekkert nema það besta handa litla kettlingnum mínum”. Kassadaman sagði þá “því miður get ég ekki selt þér kattarmat nema að þú getir sannað það að þú eigir kettling, það er svo mikið af gömlu fólki sem kaupir kattarmat til að borða sjálft, verslunarstjórinn vill fá sönnun þess að þú eigir kött.” Litla gamla konan fór heim og...

Kúrekinn (4 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 2 mánuðum
Gamall kúreki í fullum skrúða kom inn á kránna sína og fór beint á barinn og pantaði sér viský. Þar sem hann situr og dreypir á drykknum sínum kemur ung og glæsileg kona og pantar sér drykk og spyr gamla kúrekan hvort hann sé alvöru kúreki? Hann segir, já það er ég og það hef ég verið alla mína ævi. Ég hef verið alla mína tíð á búgarðinum mínum, rekið kúahjarðir, verið á hestbaki, reist girðingar, já ég er alvöru kúreki segir hann. Eftir smá stund segir kúrekin við dömuna: Hvað ert þú? Ég...

Ferrari Slys!! (16 álit)

í Formúla 1 fyrir 22 árum, 2 mánuðum
Tekið af <a href="http://www.mbl.is“> www.mbl.is </a> Ferrari-liðið aflýsti frekari bílprófunum í Barcelona eftir að báðir bílar þeirra eyðilögðust í hörðum árekstri. Michael Schumacher og Rubens Barrichello sluppu með skrekkinn úr óhöppunum. „Ég er í lagi en veit ekki hvað gerðist, þetta gerðist allt svo skyndilega og fyrirvaralaust,” sagði Schumacher stuttu eftir slysið er hann gaf aðdáendum við brautina eiginhandaráritun sína. Schumacher missti vald á bifreiðinni er hann kom inn í...
Hugi notar vefkökur til að bæta notendaupplifun á vefsíðunni og greina umferð um hana. Einnig hefur Hugi uppfært persónuverndarstefnu sína. Skoðaðu stefnuna hér..
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