Hugi.is - Notendur

Quiet! We're hunting! (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said, “Stay here and be very QUIET. I’ll be across the field.” A few minutes later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son. “What’s wrong?” the father asked. “I told you to be quiet.” The son answered, “Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, ‘Should we eat them here or...

Barfight (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and – WHACK!! – knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little guy thinks “GEEZ,” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden – WHACK!! – the big dude knocks him down AGAIN. This time he says, “That was a judo chop from Japan.” So the little guy has had...

Lucky Old Man (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

A man is jogging in the park when he comes across a 98 year old man weeping on a park bench. The jogger stops to see if he is ok. The old man replies “Life couldn’t be better. I’m living with a nineteen year old nymphomaniac! In the morning when I wake up we have sex. Then she brings me breakfast in bed. After breakfast we have sex again and I have my mid-morning nap.” He continued “We normally eat out for lunch at a nice restaurant and then it’s back into bed for ‘afters’. Then I spend the...

Dear Abby (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Dear Abby, My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he’s a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue. He is a hard worker, but many of his coworkers are leery of him. Every time he gets caught, he just denies it all. Then he admits he was wrong, and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he’s a cheat. What should I do? Frustrated...

Breast icons (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Finally, something to put on your mobile phone text messages other than smiley faces. . . . (o)(o) Perfect breasts (+)(+) Fake silicone breasts ( * )( * ) Perky breasts (@)(@) Big nipple breasts oo A cups {O}{O} D cups (oYo) Wonder bra breasts ( ^ )( ^ ) Cold breasts (o)(O) Lopsided breasts (Q)(O) Pierced breasts (p)(p) Hanging tassels breasts \o/\o/ Grandma’s breasts ( - )( - ) Against the shower door breasts o | | o | Android breasts ( $ )( $ ) Martha Stewart’s breasts

first day back at school (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

It was the first day back at school after summer vacation for the class of seven year olds, the teacher asked them what they did while away from school. Mary shouted out “Please Miss, I went out with Mummy and Daddy and we saw some moo-moos.” The teacher interrupted Mary and told her that she is a seven year old now and should not be using “baby words like moo-moo.” Just then, Peter blurted out “Please Miss, I went to stay with my uncle on his farm, he has lots of baa-baas.” Teacher...

Adam and God (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

God said, “Go down into that valley.” And Adam said, “What’s a valley?” and God explained it to him. Then God said, “Cross the river” And Adam said “What’s a river?” and God explained it to him. And then God said, “Go over the hill.” And Adam said, “What’s a hill?” and God explained it to him. Then God told Adam, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.” And Adam said, “What’s a cave?” And God explained that to him. “In the cave you will find a woman.” And Adam said, “What’s a...

A baby was born (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. “Are you my doctor?” he asked. “Why, yes, I am,” said the doctor. The baby said, “Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth.” He looked at his mother and asked, “Are you my mother?” “Yes, dear, I am,” said the mother beaming. “Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born,” he said. He then looked at his father and asked, “Are you my father?” “Yes, I...

depressed (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

A man is feeling realy depressed, his wife has left him and taken the children, he`s lost his job and his car has been repossed. so he thinks of kiling himself. Having no idea how to go about this task and affraid to ask his friends or familly he decides to go to the library and get a book on the subject. When he arrives at the library he asks the librarian if she has any books on suicide. “im affraid we havent got any left”, she says, “they never bring them back”

miðvikudagskvöldið sem fór í vaskinn (6 álit)

í Litbolti fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Eru einhverjar hugmyndir um að gera eithvað um helgina, svona í staðin fyrir miðvikudagskvöldið sem fór í vaskinn ? P.s. væri gott ef einhver gæti upplýst mig um hvað kom fram á þessum irc fundi sem var kl 8.00 í kvöld því ég var upptekinn og misti af honum.

Hvað vitið þið? (1 álit)

í Kvikmyndir fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Hvað vitið þið um margar myndir sem eru með sama söguþráð mömu aðalpersónu og sama leikara í aðalhlutverki? T.d “Thunderball” og “Never say never” í James Bond seríunni en báðar voru með Shean Connery í aðalhlutverki og með sama söguþræði.

Rodeo (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

“Me and the wife did it rodeo style last night,” one friend confided to another. “Rodeo style? How do you do it rodeo style?” he asked. “You start out doing it doggy style, then you slap her ass and tell her that she doesn't fuck nearly as good as her sister. Then you try to stay on for as long as you can.”

The bear and the Rabbit (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Once upon a time a bear and a bunny rabbit were out together in the woods taking a poop. The bear asked the bunny, “Do you ever have a problem with poop getting on your fur?” The rabbit replied, “of course not!” So the bear grabbed the bunny and wiped his butt with him

doctor (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

A doctor had just finished a marathon shagging session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn’t really ethical to screw his patients. However, a little voice in his head said, “lots of other doctors have sex with their patients so its not like you’re the first…” … This made the doctor feel a bit better until another voice in his head said, “of course, they probably weren’t vets….”

marry me (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

“I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!” shouted the woman to her husband! The husband replied, “You should've known how stupid I was the minute I asked you to marry me!”

A little rabbit (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, “Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so much better!” The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, “Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come...

Sick (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Carlos calls his boss in the morning: “Ey, boss I can't come to work today. I got a headache, a stomachache, and my legs hurt, too. I'm a friggin' mess!” The boss says: “You know Carlos, I really need you here today. When I feel like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me a blowjob. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that.” 2 hours later Carlos calls: “Boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. And by the way, you got a real nice house!”

redneck’s (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

In the back woods of Oklahoma, a redneck’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, Here you hold this high so I can see what I am doing. Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. Whoa there, said the doctor, Don’t be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there’s another one coming. Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a...

Drowsing (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Drowsing contentedly after an afternoon of making love in bed, suddenly there's the sound of a the elevator coming up. Dreamily, the girl whispers, “Oh, oh, quick get moving, that's my husband.” Quick as a flash, Bill jumps out of bed, rushes to the window to see who parked in the visitors lot and suddenly stops dead. “What d'ya mean?” he bellows “I AM your husband!”

The Lone Ranger (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims “So, you are the great Lone Ranger? In Honor of the Harvest Festival you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?” The Lone Ranger responds, “I'd like to speak to my horse. ” Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening,...

upgrade (4 álit)

í Litbolti fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Hvernig hlaup er best að kaupa fyrir inferno terminator t3

The numbers (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers. “Yes,” he said, “I do. My father taught me.” “Good. What comes after three?” “Four,” answers the boy. “What comes after six?” “Seven.” “Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a fine job. What comes after ten?” “A jack.”

Notendur

Quiet! We're hunting! (0 álit)

Barfight (0 álit)

Lucky Old Man (0 álit)

Dear Abby (0 álit)

Breast icons (0 álit)

first day back at school (0 álit)

Adam and God (0 álit)

A baby was born (0 álit)

depressed (0 álit)

miðvikudagskvöldið sem fór í vaskinn (6 álit)

Hvað vitið þið? (1 álit)

Rodeo (0 álit)

The bear and the Rabbit (1 álit)

doctor (1 álit)

marry me (0 álit)

A little rabbit (0 álit)

Sick (0 álit)

redneck’s (0 álit)

Drowsing (0 álit)

The Lone Ranger (0 álit)

upgrade (4 álit)

The numbers (0 álit)

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