Customer: “I have just received your software, but I have these plastic things, what are they?”
Tech Support: “Could you describe them please?”
Customer: “They are black plastic, thin, and square.”
Tech Support: “Anything else?”
Customer: “They have a metal bit on one edge.”
Tech Support: “Disks?”
Customer: “Well, I don't know, do I? I just brought your package. What do I do with them?”
I see a horrible call ahead, and the customer is quite irate already.


Tech Support: “Put the disks in the drive.”
Customer: “What's a drive?”
Tech Support: “The slot in your machine that looks just the right size for the disk.”
Customer: “Which machine?”
Tech Support: “Do you have a hard drive?”
Customer: “I have two boxes. One has a picture on it.”
Tech Support: “Put the first disk in, metal side first.”
Customer: “Ok. It's gone in.”
Tech Support: “Go to the ‘start’ button, then run, then type ‘setup’.”
Customer: “My computer isn't on. How do I turn it on?”
Tech Support: “Push the button by the drive to eject the disk, and press the button that says ‘power’ on the machine without the pictures on it.”
Customer: “Ok. Done.”
Tech Support: “Now put in the disk, go to start, run, and type ‘setup’.”
Customer: “Oh, it's all working now. Thanks, but your software isn't very easy to use, is it?”
Customer: “I have just received your software, but I have these plastic things, what are they?”
Tech Support: “Could you describe them please?”
Customer: “They are black plastic, thin, and square.”
Tech Support: “Anything else?”
Customer: “They have a metal bit on one edge.”
Tech Support: “Disks?”
Customer: “Well, I don't know, do I? I just brought your package. What do I do with them?”
I see a horrible call ahead, and the customer is quite irate already.


Tech Support: “Put the disks in the drive.”
Customer: “What's a drive?”
Tech Support: “The slot in your machine that looks just the right size for the disk.”
Customer: “Which machine?”
Tech Support: “Do you have a hard drive?”
Customer: “I have two boxes. One has a picture on it.”
Tech Support: “Put the first disk in, metal side first.”
Customer: “Ok. It's gone in.”
Tech Support: “Go to the ‘start’ button, then run, then type ‘setup’.”
Customer: “My computer isn't on. How do I turn it on?”
Tech Support: “Push the button by the drive to eject the disk, and press the button that says ‘power’ on the machine without the pictures on it.”
Customer: “Ok. Done.”
Tech Support: “Now put in the disk, go to start, run, and type ‘setup’.”
Customer: “Oh, it's all working now. Thanks, but your software isn't very easy to use, is it?”


Customer: “I'll have you know, I've never even seen a computer before yesterday.”
Great. Great start to a call. He wanted to install the Internet connection software we have, so I had him insert the CD. “It ain't workin'!” was all I heard for about two minutes of trying the drive and checking to see if it was really there.


Tech Support: “Sir, could you eject your CD for a moment? We need to check if it's scratched.”
Customer: “Ok.”
Tech Support: “Look on the bottom of the CD, and see if there are any scratches on it.”
Customer: “On the bottom? Shouldn't we check the top?”
Tech Support: “Is the shiny side of the CD on the top?”
Customer: “Of course.”
Tech Support: “Ok, could you flip it over so the shiny side is down and then insert it into the drive?”
Customer: “Won't it scratch if I put it in like that?”
Tech Support: “No, it won't scratch.”
Customer: “Well, ok….”
He inserted the CD in the drive correctly, and then his computer froze.


Customer: “My computer froze! I told you it would scratch the CD!”
Tech Support: “I'm sure that's not the problem–”
Customer: “I can't believe you scratched the CD.”
Tech Support: “Ok, sir, could you hold down ‘ctrl’ and ‘alt’, and then– (clunking sounds) Hello? Hello, sir?”
There was no one on the line for a moment. Then he spoke up again.


Customer: “I've been holding ‘ctrl’ and ‘alt’ for the past two minutes, and nothing is happening at all on my whole damn computer, because you made me scratch the software.”

Customer: “I installed the video drivers and all I see is a postage stamp in the center of the screen.”
Tech Support: “Can you describe what you see?”
Customer: “I just told you, a postage stamp!!”
Tech Support: “Does it look like your desktop?”
Customer: “Nope. Aren't you listening?? It looks like a postage stamp.”
Tech Support: “Ok,let's reset the system back to VGA.”
Customer: “What's that??”
Tech Support: “The default video settings…please hit Ctrl-Alt-Delete.”
Customer: “What is that???”
Tech Support: “The three keys. ‘Control’ and ‘Alt’ and ‘Delete’ pressed at the same time.”
Customer: “Oh, ok. Oh no!! My screen went blank!”
Tech Support: “That's ok. When you see OS/2 in the upper left hit ‘Alt’ and ‘F1’.”
Customer: “'Alt'? ‘F1’? Can you speak English?”
Tech Support: “Sir, these are keys on your keyboard.”
Customer: “Oh.”
Tech Support: (waits a minute for the system to finish booting) “Do you see the OS/2 logo yet?”
Customer: “Nope.”
Tech Support: (waits another minute or two) “Anything yet?”
Customer: “Nope. Can I release the keys?”

<br><br>- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
<b>Customer:</b> “I'd like a mouse mat, please.”
<b>Salesperson:</b> “Certainly sir, we've got a large variety.”
<b>Customer:</b> “But will they be compatible with my computer?”
iZelord is at <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/izelord">THE PLACE</a