I will not waste chalk

I will not skateboard in the halls

I will not burp in class

I will not instigate revolution

I did not see Elvis

I will not draw naked ladies in class

I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes'

They are laughing at me, not with me

Garlic gum is not funny

I will not encourage others to fly

Tar is not a plaything

I will not Xerox my butt

I will not trade pants with others

I will not drive the principal's car

I will not do that thing with my tongue

I am not a 32 year old woman

I will not pledge allegiance to Bart

I will not sell school property

I will not cut corners

I will not get very far with this attitude

I will not make flatulent noises in class

I will not belch the National Anthem

I will not sell land in Florida

I will not grease the monkey bars

I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment

I will not do anything bad ever again

I will not sleep through my education

Nobody likes sunburn slappers

I am not a dentist

Spitwads are not free speech

High explosives and school don't mix

I will not squeak chalk

I will finish what I sta…(rt)

“Bart Bucks” are not legal tender

Hamsters cannot fly

Underwear should be worn on the inside

The Christmas pageant does not stink

I will not torment the emotionally frail

I will not carve gods

I will not aim for the head

I will not spank others

I will not barf unless I'm sick

I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge

I will not conduct my own fire drills

Funny noises are not funny

I will not spin the turtle

I will not snap bras

I will not fake seizures

This punishment is not boring and meaningless

My name is not Dr. Death

I will not defame New Orleans

I will not prescribe medication

I will not bury the new kid

I will not teach others to fly

I will not bring sheep to class

A burp is not an answer

Teacher is not a leper

Coffee is not for kids. (The writing gets progressively more scrawly toward the bottom of the blackboard.)

I will not eat things for money

I will not yell “She's Dead” at roll call

The principal's toupee is not a frisbee

I will not squeak chalk. (accompanied by squeaking noises)

Goldfish don't bounce

Mud is not one of the 4 food groups

I will not sell miracle cures

No one is interested in my underpants

I will return the seeing-eye dog

I will not charge admission to the bathroom

I do not have diplomatic immunity

I will never win an Emmy

The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy

All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy

I will not say “Springfield” just to get applause

I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers

I will not go near the kindergarten turtle

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man

I am not delightfully saucy

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals

The pledge of allegiance does not end with hail Satan

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones

There are plenty of businesses like show business

I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

Beans are neither fruit nor musical

No one is interested in my underpants

I will not use abbrev.

I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.

I will not send lard through the mail

I will not dissect things unless instructed

I will not whittle hall passes out of soap

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man

Ralph won't “morph” if you squeeze him hard enough

Adding “just kidding” doesn't make it okay to insult the principal

“Bagman” is not a legitimate career choice

Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does

Next time it could be me on the scaffolding

I will not hang donuts on my person

I will remember to take my medication

I will not strut around like I own the place

The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far

I do not have power of attorney over first graders

Nerve gas is not a toy

I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface

The first amendment does not cover burping

This is not a clue…or is it?

I will not complain about the solution when I hear it

“Bewitched” does not promote satanism

No one wants to hear from my armpits

I am not a lean mean spitting machine

The boys room is not a water park

Indian burns are not our cultural heritage

Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist

I am not certified to remove asbestos