Hugi.is - Notendur

sucking blood (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

what is the difference between a blond and misqueto? the misqueto nows when to stop sucking ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

Make It Better (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, “Gee, I hate my mother-in-law.” The 2nd cannibal replied, “So, try potatoes.” ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“...

Ways To Annoy Your College Roommate (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

* Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. * Switch the sheets on your beds with the next door neighbors. * Twitch a lot. * Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. * Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. * Walk and talk backwards. * Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. * Ask your roommate if your family can move in “just for a couple of weeks.” * Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while...

Value of A College Education (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time drinking, sleeping and trying to get dates. Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college: 1.Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas. 2.Things you will not need to know in...

How much? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

New people were entering college so the Dean went over the rules. He firmly stated that no boy could go in the girl bunk and no girl could go in the boy bunk. He said if you do you must pay a fine. $25 the fisrt time, $50 the second time and so on and so on. One kid raised his hands and asked “How much for a year round pass?” ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF...

You Might Be A Computer Geek If... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

* At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burned out bulb in the string of Christmas lights. * Choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or to spend the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma. * Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck gazing at the scenery and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room. * In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure. * The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of...

Top 10 Signs Your Co-Worker Is A Computer Hacker (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

10) You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000. 9) He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running. 8) When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex. 7) Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down. 6) Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work. 5) Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeez” 95 times during the movie “The Net”. 4) Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments. 3) His video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons. 2)...

Internet Commandments (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

12. Thou shalt not downloadeth porn on thine work computer, lest ye be cast out. 11. Thou shalt *** EARN *** REDEMPTION *** FAST!!!! *** 10. Thou shalt not make for yourself a graven image of that which is copyrighted. 9. Thou shalt not pop up any unwanted windows before me, for I shall smite them immediately with a hasty click and read them not. 8. Thou shalt use no browser other than Internet Explorer, for thy Gates is a jealous Gates. 7. Thou shalt not forward chain letters. Instead, send...

Move to Arizone Diary (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

May 30th - Now this is a state that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home I love it here. June 14th - Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper. June 30th...

Things To Do While Taking Your Driver's Test (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

* Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand. * Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, “Buckle up!” * Knock over every cone while doing maneuverability. In the middle of it, get out and check to see if you have hit every one. * Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of Saran Wrap down so he doesn't dirty the seat. * When the examiner tells you to stop, step on the gas. Tell him/her...

You Might Be From Jersey If... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

From Russell * You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country. * You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 15 of them. * You think a mountain is that big freakin' hill in Atlantic Highlands. * You know Asbury Park is no longer the mecca of East Coast resort towns. * Even though there's a new Wal-Mart in your town, you still go to the Englishtown Auction for cheap stuff. * You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy. * Your car is...

Unhappy Valentine's Day (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Roses are red and Violets are blue, I didn't buy you anything 'cause to be honest, I really don't like you. You used to give me, candy and sweets, you used to dress sexy, as a special treat. Now all I get is a complaint or some gripe. I liked you much better before you were my wife. I once cared about who you were and about what you thought but now I know better and I'll just screw your sister until I get caught. You say I don't love you, I don't care anymore. Well guess what? You are...

Why I Was Fired After The Christmas Party (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A letter of apology… When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a “dirty son of a bitch” to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office Christmas Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today and as this is my last day, I'd like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I would prefer speaking to everyone personally, but all of you seem to go deaf and dumb...

Adventures In Honeymooning (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

The newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out that they are both virgins. Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sex. So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband. “OK, honey,” he says, “this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll...

Military Rules Of Combat (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

* If the enemy is in range, so are you. * Incoming fire has the right of way. * Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire. * There is always a way. * The easy way is always mined. * Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. * Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous. * The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: When you're ready for them and when you're not ready for them. * Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at. * If you...

The Camel (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “Why is a camel tied to the barracks?” The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do … uh … we have the camel.” The Captain said, “Well, I suppose if it's good for morale, then I...

10 Minutes with Who? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. “All right, ladies, think about this,” bellowed the drill instructor. “If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?” Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. “My recruiter.” ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like...

Who Is The Bravest? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest. To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: “Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing ‘Wild Blue Yonder’, and then jump off!” “YES SIR!” replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem,salutes, and jumps off, hitting the ground at...

You Work For The Government If... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

* You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms. * You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do. * You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to it's importance. (1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor. (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention. * You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is...

Disaster Humor (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

From Cookie After the May 3rd tornado, many Oklahoma City residents have tried to deal with their loss through humor. Many home owners have spray-painted their homes or put up signs claiming: “For Sale: Fixer Upper” or “OPEN HOUSE.” However, the best one comes from a man in Moore who, before President Clinton's visit, put a sign in his yard saying: “HEY BILL, HOW'S THIS FOR A BLOW JOB?” Unfortunately, the Secret Service asked him to remove it since there was so much media coverage....

Bill Clinton Goes To Heaven (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Clinton died and went to heaven or to be more accurate, approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “'Tis I, your St. Peter, President Bill Clinton.” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had...

Getting Married (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, William's dad took him aside. ”Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and...

Socio-Math Problems For San Francisco Students (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

From Russell 1). Zelda and Jane were given a rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of 1/2 mile per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in public? 2). Michael has two abusive stepfathers and an alcoholic mother. If his self-esteem is reduced by 20% per dysfunctional parent, but Michael feels 3% better for every person he denigrates, how long will it take before he's ready to go home if 1...

New Microsoft Keyboard (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed specifically for Windows. {Sources say a Macintosh variant is in the works.} In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far are: * GPF key - This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed....

Four Engineers (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. “Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says the mechanical engineer. “Well”, says the chemical engineer, “it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system.” “I thought it might be an grounding problem”,...

Notendur

sucking blood (0 álit)

Make It Better (0 álit)

Ways To Annoy Your College Roommate (0 álit)

Value of A College Education (0 álit)

How much? (0 álit)

You Might Be A Computer Geek If... (0 álit)

Top 10 Signs Your Co-Worker Is A Computer Hacker (0 álit)

Internet Commandments (0 álit)

Move to Arizone Diary (0 álit)

Things To Do While Taking Your Driver's Test (0 álit)

You Might Be From Jersey If... (0 álit)

Unhappy Valentine's Day (0 álit)

Why I Was Fired After The Christmas Party (0 álit)

Adventures In Honeymooning (0 álit)

Military Rules Of Combat (0 álit)

The Camel (0 álit)

10 Minutes with Who? (0 álit)

Who Is The Bravest? (0 álit)

You Work For The Government If... (0 álit)

Disaster Humor (0 álit)

Bill Clinton Goes To Heaven (0 álit)

Getting Married (0 álit)

Socio-Math Problems For San Francisco Students (0 álit)

New Microsoft Keyboard (0 álit)

Four Engineers (0 álit)

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Notendur

sucking blood (0 álit)

Make It Better (0 álit)

Ways To Annoy Your College Roommate (0 álit)

Value of A College Education (0 álit)

How much? (0 álit)

You Might Be A Computer Geek If... (0 álit)

Top 10 Signs Your Co-Worker Is A Computer Hacker (0 álit)

Internet Commandments (0 álit)

Move to Arizone *Diary* (0 álit)

Things To Do While Taking Your Driver's Test (0 álit)

You Might Be From Jersey If... (0 álit)

Unhappy Valentine's Day (0 álit)

Why I Was Fired After The Christmas Party (0 álit)

Adventures In Honeymooning (0 álit)

Military Rules Of Combat (0 álit)

The Camel (0 álit)

10 Minutes with Who? (0 álit)

Who Is The Bravest? (0 álit)

You Work For The Government If... (0 álit)

Disaster Humor (0 álit)

Bill Clinton Goes To Heaven (0 álit)

Getting Married (0 álit)

Socio-Math Problems For San Francisco Students (0 álit)

New Microsoft Keyboard (0 álit)

Four Engineers (0 álit)

Move to Arizone Diary (0 álit)