My grandfather always said, “Don't watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.


Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.” He goes: “Not in a row!”
bros before hoes dude, bros before hoes