Little Jack says: “My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.”
All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny.
The teacher says: “Johnny, what does your Dad do?”
Johnny says: “My Dad is dead.”
“I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died ?”
“He turned blue and shit on the carpet.”
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The teacher said, “Every Friday I will ask a question to the class. Whoever can answer my question can have Monday off from school.”
When Friday approached, the teacher asked, “How many grains of sand are there in this world?”
No one could answer her. Then they all anxiously waited till the next Friday. When Friday was finally here the teacher asked, “How many stars are there in the sky?”
Again no kid could answer.
Confused little Johnny went to thinking. As the next Friday approached he thought of something. He took to of his ping-pong ball and painted them black. Then he took them to school on Friday.
When the class was packing up to go home, the teacher started to say something, immediately he let go of his balls and since his class got so distracted by little things they started to laugh.
The teacher frowned and asked, “OK, whose the comedian with the black balls?”
Little Johnny wasting no time, replied, “That would be Bill Cosby. See ya on Tuesday!!”
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In school one day the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about materials. So she stood in the front of the class and said, “Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?”
Little Richie raised his hand and said, “I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche.”
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie Marie. Little Susie said, “I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette.”
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, “I would want silicon.”
The teacher said, “Why Johnny?”
He responded by saying, “Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!”
——————————————————————————–
Little Johnny was watching his father shower. He asked him about his balls. “Those are my apples,” he said.
Johnny ran to his mother and told her what Daddy said.
His mother asked, “Did Daddy tell you about the dead limb they're hanging on, too?”
——————————————————————————–
Little Johnny says, “Mom, what kind of bird brings white babies?”
His mom says, “Why, a stork, little Johnny.”
Little Johnny says, “Mom, what kind of bird brings black babies?”
His mom says, “A raven, dear.”
Little Johnny then says, “Then what kind of bird brings no babies at all?”
His mom says, “A swallow!”
——————————————————————————–
A teacher on playground duty noticed a scruffy little boy sitting in the dirt and intently working on something. As she approached, she saw that he was using a twig to stir something in an old soup can.
“What have you got in the can, Johnny?” she asked brightly.
He looked up at her with evil little eyes and said, “Got me some chicken shit n' water.”
After she had recovered from her shock, she stammered, “What in the world are you doing?”
“Makin' me a teacher!”
“Oooh!” she howled. “The principal shall hear of this!” and she stamped off to find him.
When she returned with the principal in tow, the boy was still hard at work, stirring away, frowning in concentration.
“All right, Johnny! Now, you tell me, what have you got in that can there?” said the principal.
“I got me some chicken shit an' water,” said Johnny, grinning crookedly at the man and continuing to stir.
The principal recoiled in horror. “What do you think you're doing?” he bellowed.
“I'ze makin' me a principal,” Johnny replied, leering up at him.
“Well, my young friend, we'll just see about that,” the principal said and stormed off to find a cop.
When at last he returned with a policeman, Johnny was still industriously working on his project.
“All right, me lad, what've ye got in the can?” the cop asked.
Johnny replied, “Got me some chicken shit n' water!”
The cop frowned and said, “Ah, and I suppose you'll be tellin' me you're makin' a cop, now won't ye?”
Johnny frowned down into the can, critically examining its contents. “Nope. Ain't got enough chickenshit.”
——————————————————————————–
One day, little Johnny was walking to school with his pet 2 turtles for show and tell. While he was on his way, a truck drove by and startled him. Johnny dropped the turtles and the truck ran them over killing both of them instantly.
Johnny went along to school anyway. When the class all finished doing their show and tell projects, the teacher finally called on Johnny, “Johnny, where is your show and tell for today?”
Johnny replied, “Well teacher it's like this, I was walking to school with my pet turtles and a truck drove by and scared me. I dropped the turtles and the truck ran his ass right over ‘em and killed ’em!”
His teacher was in shock and very sternly stated, “Johnny, we don't use that kind of language in school. We say rectum.”
Johnny said, “Rectum…it damn killed ‘em!”
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Realizing that their home just wasn’t big enough with the new baby in the house, Little Johnny's parents discussed moving to a bigger one. Little Johnny sat patiently listening to his parents, then piped in, “It's no use. He'll just follow us anyway.”
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I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF
-psycho 2001</b>
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