ARIES

You tend to be headstrong & deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're a type of person who would masterbate at a wedding.


TAURUS

Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're sexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you are constantly charming the opposite sex.


GEMINI

Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fuckin' weirdo, the type of person who'd kill themselves to win a bet.


CANCER

You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relatives limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.


LEO

The adverturous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leo's are living on welfare.


VIRGO

You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo wemon are whores.


LIBRA

You are the forgiving type and don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.


SCORPIO

You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You always have snot on your clothes.


SAGITTARIUS

You are the romantic type, soft hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. You thrive on incest.


CAPRICORN

You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centred cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an alter boy.


AQUARIUS

You are the acedemic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.


PISCES

You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.

<br><br>Vectro

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”