How do you get a man to do situps?
Put the remote control between his feet


What do men consider helping out with the house-cleaning?
Lifting their feet so you can vacuum under them


What do men consider a 7 course meal?
A hotdog and a six-pack of beer


How does a man change a roll of toilet paper?
No one knows–it has never been seen


How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
a) 1-men will screw just about anything
b) 5-one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it


Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions


How can you tell if a man is excited?
He's breathing


How do men excercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach every time a bikini goes by


What do men consider foreplay?
Half an hour of begging


How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares??????


Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed


What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard


How do men sort their laundry?
“Filthy” and “Filthy, but wearable”


What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man


What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature


What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home


How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough


Why do men like BMWs?
They can spell it


What do an anniversary, a vagina and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them


Why are men like popcorn?
They satisfy you but only for a little while


Why are men and spray paint alike?
One squeeze and they're all over you


Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not sure why


Why is food better than men?
Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds


Why are women so bad at maths?
Because men keep telling them that this (_______________________________________________) is eight inches


What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
Slow


Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So oxygen can get into their brains


What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink


What do ceramic tiles and men have in common?
If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for life
<br><br>Vectro

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”