You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. – Henny Youngman

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. – Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. – Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. – Milton Berle

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – George Burns

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. – Phyllis Diller

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. – Henny Youngman
<br><br>Vectro

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”