Ætla bara setja nokkra fyndna, mismunandi brandara.. á ensku og tvo á íslensku…

Two shipwrecked men are drifting around in the sea in a rescue dingy. All of the sudden one of them spot this old lamp, you know one of the genie in the lamp type oil lamps, and sure enough after they have rubbed the lamp for a while, out pops this genie.
But this genie is a super lazy one, so they are only granted one wish.
So after pondering this for a while, one of the men yells out:
“I got it!!! I wish that the sea was made of beer!”.
and sure enough, the genie claps his hands, and the sea is all beer.
Then man who made the wish turns to the other in triumph, but reserves no pad on the shoulder or anything, because:
“Way to go dude, now we have to piss in the boat…”

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Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jesus looks like his mother or father, etc. He looks high and low but cannot find him.

He asks St. Peter “Where is my father?” But St. Peter says he doesn't know.

He asks the archangel Gabriel “Where is my father?” But Gabriel doesn't know.

He asks John the Baptist “Where is my father?” But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.

Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. “Stop!” Jesus yells. “Who are you?”

“Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son.” Jesus is very curious. Could this be his father? “Tell me of your son, old man.”

“Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know…”

“Father!!!!!” Screams Jesus.

“Pinocchio!!!!!!!” yells the old man.


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What did Jesus say as he was being crucified?

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh…!”

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What's the difference between Jesus Christ and an oil painting?

You only need one nail to hold up a picture.

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Why can't Jesus eat M&M's?

They keep falling through his hands.

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How many Goths does it take to change a light bulb?

- No, no, no. A better question is this: How many people would it take to convince a Goth to change a light bulb?

- Four. First Rozz has to do it, then Valor. Then two have to argue about who did it better.

- Hopefully not too many. Large groups of Goths never get anything done.

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hvað þarf marga blackmetal gaura til að skiðpta um ljósaperu?

- engan, þeim finnst gaman að sitja í myrkrinu og grenja

- 31. einn til að skipta um peru og 30 til að væla um hvað sú gamla hafi verið betri

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, how many viking metallers does it take to change a light bulb?

- 12. One viking metaller changes the lighbulb after 10 viking metallers have spent two full hours weeks researching if his family's association with the Philips company is long enough to warrant handling a Philips lightbulb, while the 12th one accuses the rest of being Nazis.

- A Drakkar full, who first look at the lightbulb, go outside and then decide to burn down the house, after which there's two weeks of non-stop drinking.


Þessir brandarar eru víðsvegar af netinu.. af síðum og forumum… get sett þær heimildir sem ég hef linkinn fyrir..

HEIMILDIR:
Goth brandararnir: http://www.the-night.net/silly/jokes.htm
Black Metal brandarar:
Ircið - #Metal.is, var gaur þar sem ég heyrði hann frá..
Viking metal brandarar:
Af forumi Vikingblood(www.vikingblood.net)

síðan mann ég ekki hvar ég heyrði jesús brandarana..