A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole whose selling point was that it was on top of the largest skyscraper in town. Another man walks in and asks the bartender for a Jack Daniel's. He downs it, and then takes a running leap out the window. Much to everybody's surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks the man how he did it.
“Easy,” says the man. “Outside this window are some very strong wind currents which can carry you back to the window.”
“Wow,” says the man at the bar. “I gotta try this.” He takes a running leap out the window and falls to a horrible, bloody, and flat death.
“Geez, Superman,” says the bartender. “You can be a real a jerk when you're drunk.”


A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaimed, “I want to join your biker club.”
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.
So the biker asked her, “You have a bike?”
The little old lady said, “Yeah, that's my Harley over there,” and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asked her, “Do you smoke?”
The little old lady said, “Yeah, I smoke. I smoke four packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool.”
The biker was impressed and asked, “Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”
The little old lady said, “No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times.”


Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons.
“My son,” the first one says, “started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!”
“My son,” said the second, “started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!”
“My son,” said the third, “started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock.”
“Well,” the fourth guy said, “my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday.”


A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodkas.”
The barman says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”
“Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay.”
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, “Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?”
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, “Yeah, my wife!”


Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn't allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.
“Just watch me and follow my lead,” he said.
He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, “I'm sorry but I can't let you in here.”
The guy looked at the bartender and asked, “Why not?”
The bartender replied, “Well, we don't allow dogs into the bar.”
“But this is my seeing eye dog,” the guy said.
“Oh, I'm sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever.”
The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can't let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.
“But this is my seeing eye dog,” said the second guy.
The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, “Sir, ah… um… a Chihuahua?”
The man looked a little puzzled and then said, “What? They gave me a Chihuahua?”