Inboxið hjá Aragorn

To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: arwenundomielevenstarelelome@imladris.valinor

When are you coming back to Rivendell? Elladan and Elrohir are picking on me. Missing you lots.
Arwen

To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: eowyn.shieldmaiden@rohan.middle.earth

Aragorn I’m missing you loads. Will you go out with me? Uncle has let Grima be his advisor again. Grima keeps flirting with me.
Lots of love
Eowyn
P.S. The answer has to be yes.


To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: arwenundomielevenstarelelome@imladris.valinor

Hi darling.
Have you still got the Evenstar? Daddy’s trying to make me go to Valinor. Please be king of Gondor. I can’t take much more pressure. I’m going to a party. Which dress do you think I should wear?

Arwen Undomiel


To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: eomer@rohirrim.middle.earth

Aragorn I’m really sorry. I gave Eowyn your email address. She was annoying me so much. I had to give it to her. Are you still hanging around with that dwarf?
Eomer

To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: arwenundomielevenstarelelome@imladris.valinor

Vedui Melamin*. Are you sure I should wear the black and red dress? Daddy says it makes me look fat. I’ll ask Granny. Mummy would know which dress.

Namaarie

*Greetings my love


To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: faramir@minastirith.middle.earth

Hi this is Frodo and Sam. We’re using Faramir’s computer. He caught us when we were watching an oliphaunt. Faramir is Boromir’s (nicer) younger brother. Gollum is showing us the way to Mordor. He has really bad table manners. He likes raw food. Hope you are well.

Frodo and Sam


To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: lord_elrond@imladris.valinor

Dear Estel, Stay away from Arwen. I’m going to put her on a boat to Valinor while she’s asleep. Elladan and Elrohir say hello. Why can’t they get there own mail address instead of making me say hello to people?

Lord Elrond


To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: arwenundomielevenstarelelome@imladris.valinor
I can’t believe Daddy’s going to do that. I’m not going to sleep. Please become king soon.

Arwen


To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: eowyn.shieldmaiden@rohan.middle.earth

You haven’t replied yet.

To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: arwenundomielevenstarelelome@imladris.valinor
I’ll email this Eowyn person. She is so dead. How dare she fancy you.
Aa’ menie nauva calen ar’ ta hwesta e ale’ quenle.*


*May thy paths be green and breeze be on thy back.

To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: eowyn.shieldmaiden@rohan.middle.earth

Why didn’t you tell me there was someone else? You flirt with me for ages and now you’ve broken my heart. I bet you only like her because she gave you that necklace. I could give you a nicer necklace. I hate you.

Eowyn
To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: arwenundomielevenstarelelome@imladris.valinor

Were you really flirting with Eowyn? Amin delotha lle.*
Arwen Undomiel

To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: arwenundomielevenstarelelome@imladris.valinor

Elen sila lumen omentilmo.** So you weren’t flirting with Eowyn. She made it up. I’m going to kill her. Amin meleth lle.*** I haven’t slept for two weeks. Daddy isn’t letting the ship go to Valinor yet. He told me there was a leak. But I know he’s just waiting for me to fall asleep. Cormamin niuve tenna’ ta elea lle au’.****

*I hate you
**A star shall shine on the hour of our meeting
***I love you
****My heart shall weep until it sees thee again
To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: ents_rock@fangornforest.middle.earth

Hi it’s Merry and Pippin. We’re with the ents. We totally wrecked Isenguard! Treebeard says we’re hasty. How are you. This is Merry typing because Pippin can’t. Gandalf said Eowyn fancied you. Why do you get all the good looking women? You even got Arwen! I bet Galadriel fancied you.
From
M.P. (Merry and Pippin not Member of parliament stupid)

To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: elladan.elrohir@imladris.valinor

Vedui* Estel. Dad got us our own email address. How are you. Arwen is always talking about you its soooooooo annoying. Is Eowyn beautiful. Is there any chance you could let us meet her. Arwen was so mad when she found out about Eowyn. We mean mad. She deleted all her emails from you and smashed her laptop! Then she decided to check her email and used our laptop.
Bye

To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: boromir2@dead.dead

I hate you. Stay away from Gondor. I want Faramir to marry Eowyn. Not you. Your not king. Ha ha. Bye.
*greetings


To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: arwenundomielevenstarelelome@imladris.valinor

Hi. You were right. The black and red dress looked wonderful at the party. I was the only person without a date so I bought a photo of you. Please come back to Rivendell and please become king. Have Elladan and Elrohir emailed you? They got their own email address finally. Missing you lots and lots and lots etc.
Namaarie*

To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: theoden@medosueld.rohan.middle.earth

There are loads of uruk-hai. Can you help us kill them. Eowyn is missing you. Will you marry her? It will make her shut up. I feel like banishing her and Eomer. Eomer wants a party.
Théoden King


To: aragorn_estel__strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: eomer@rohirrim.middle.earth

I want a party. I would only invite the rohirrim, you and lots of girls. Uncle says no. he so grumpy. Eowyn is still in a bad mood about Arwen. Does Arwen have any sisters? Hint hint.
Eomer

*farewell


To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: galadriel@ladyoflight.lorien.valinor

Hello Elessar. How are you? Celeborn says hello. Please let Arwen go to Valinor. How are Legolas and Gimli? I hope to see you soon. That’s a lie. I never want to see you again.


To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: lord_elrond@imladris.valinor

Why did you tell Arwen? She is yawning all the time and is always in a bad mood. You are so stupid. Lord Elrond


To: aragorn_estel_strider@ranger.middle.earth
From: gilraen_arathorn@dead.dead

Hi son. How are you. They set up these email addresses for all the dead people. Have you married Arwen yet? We hope you have a long life. If you don’t marry Arwen there’s always Eowyn.
Love
Mum and Dad



|| 100 Ways to Tell You are Obsessed with LotR||
By||Nienna Calmcaci

1. You have watched the movies so many times you've lost count.

2. You can now quote huge chunks from the movies and have special names for parts in the movies. *smiles*

3. You save any LotR picture you find to your computer.

4. You've saved so many pictures the computer is liable to blow up if any more pictures are added.

5. You spend hours on the computer every day looking for LotR stuff.

6. You start wearing a gold ring on a chain.

7. You never put on the ring because it will corrupt you with evil and darkness.

8. Your friends now despise LotR because of your constant talking.

9. You wear clothes scarily similar to your favourite characters.

10. You have LotR wallpaper and/or screensaver and the icons on your desktop are arranged around the character(s) so they are in full view.

11. When you see anything to do with LotR, you start screaming loudly and running towards it, not caring that people… are… staring… ^_^

12. You “accidentally” break items in the cinema because they have changed the times of LotR and you cannot see the film.

13. You then try and smuggle the cardboard cut outs of the characters out of the cinema, claiming to an angry security guard that Frodo and Legolas are your brothers… Ahem.

14. Security ends up throwing you out of the cinema.

15. You save ALL your ticket stubs from the many times of viewing LotR in the cinema.

16. You have no pocket money left because you have seen the movie so many times and have spent every penny.

17. You try and bribe store managers to give you the models and posters of LotR you cannot buy.

18. You have collected all the LotR action figures.

19. You take the figures along to the cinema with you and wave them above your head before…the…film…starts… o.0;

20. You tape your ears up so they are pointed.

21. You throw a tantrum when you cannot find a LotR item, then realise it was just buried under all your other LotR stuff…

22. You say “Mellon” before going through a closed door.

23. You can speak Elvish fluently.

24. You have a sign on your door that says, “Speak friend and enter.”

25. You complain to your French/Spanish/Latin/German/English (or all ^_^) teacher that you shouldn't be learning that pointless language when you could be learning Elvish.

26. You are reading LotR in detention received from one of those teachers.

27. You read LotR in lessons anyway or hide it behind that English book you are supposed to be reading… *whistles*

28. You stare at the LotR pictures pinned up on the wall during French then get picked on by the teacher for not listening for the rest of the year.

29. You eat crackers for lunch and explain happily to all your friends that it's Lembas and will keep you full for the rest of the day.

30. You march into bakers and politely ask for some Lembas (then throw a strop when they say they don't understand, resulting in getting thrown out of the bakers by security to.)

31. You get a spade and slide down a flight of stairs or a hill, shooting an imaginary bow, pretending to be Legolas at Helms Deep.

32. Whenever someone insults LotR you give them “the look” and start yelling at them in Elvish.

33. When one of your very evil friends rips up a LotR picture you scream “MY PRECIOUSSSSSS!” at the top of you voice and spend the rest of your lunch time carefully placing all the pieces back together.

34. You make your own LotR nametag so strangers know which race you are from. (Suilad! I am Nienna of the Mirkwood Elves!) *points happily at her badge* ^_^

35. Your parents are happy about you reading a book until they realise it's LotR… again…

36. They end up attempting to wrench LotR away from you in the early hours of the morning.

37. You sneak out of your room and retrieve LotR then read it under the bed-covers with a torch.

38. Your parents tell you that YOU embarrass THEM because of your LotR obsession.

38. You gather your other LotR obsessed friends and decide to make a LotR cult.

39. You enter a poem about a LotR character or race into that English competition.

40. People suggest you should be put in solitary confinement because of your LotR obsession (Ahhhhh!)

41. Your friend wrote in her end of year French exam that she bought you a Legolas doll and poster. *grins*

42. When you can't get to sleep you recite The Fellowship of the Ring script and see how many members of different races you can name.

43. You are DESPRATLY trying to persuade your parents to take you to the video store at midnight on the 25th of August to buy TTT DVD.

44. You watch films just because an actor/actress that was in LotR is in it.

45. Your mother has caught you spinning around the kitchen with knives pretending to be Legolas… O_O

46. You have doodled the elvish number 9 on yourself because your evil parents won't let you get the ACTUAL tattoo like the cast members of the fellowship.

47. You know more about a cast member of the fellowship cast then they do…

48. You have tried to stalk that innocent actor which have got you names like “mad stalker girl” *cough*

49. You actually HAVE a restraining order, keeping you away from that actor.

50. People say you have no life.

51. You watch anything even slightly LotR related on T.V, and cry if you miss it.

52. You keep refreshing the main page of lordoftherings.net just so you can hear all the actors say “Hello this is …., welcome to Lord of the Rings dot net”

53. You sob hysterically when the fellowship breaks up and yell: “Why did it have to end this way?!” You of course know why, but get carried away in the devastating moment.

54. You parade around on the snow in winter, trying to leave no footprints.

55. You teach people in your class Tig, and laugh madly at them slapping each other and yelling “TIG TOG!” with the other wise members of your LotR cult.

56. You suggest to your P.E teacher that you should play Tig as a warm up to your lesson.

57. When she/he refuses you start yelling in Elvish… again…

58. You have a clock on you desktop that says the days, hours, minutes and seconds until RotK is released! Woo!

59. You spend AGES just watching this clock and squealing and random moments as it's only *checks* 126 days, 4 hours, 42 minutes and 26 seconds until RotK!

60. Your collection of LotR items is getting freakishly large… it even includes a couple of giant Orc models and random LotR posters from around the town…

61. Whenever you pass one of those big, big billboards with a LotR poster on it you stare at it with your face pressed again the window, until you can see it no more. Aww.

62. You make a clever little plan to get hold of the billboard poster, which includes you leaping out of cars, nearly getting run-over and eventually getting questioned by a very suspicious police officer. (Then you try to bribe him with some of your LotR merchandise.) O_o

63. The billboard poster ends up in your collection.

64. When asked any question, you somehow manage to relate the answer to LotR.

65. When people say they don't understand your answer you thwack them over the head with the LotR book you were reading and yell at them two inches from their face until they UNDERSTAND.

66. Your dog sits when you say to him: “Havo dad!” YAY! ^.^

67. You have very selective hearing and tend to only listen when the words: “fellowship” “tower” “king” “elf” “ring” ect. are mentioned.

68. Your delightful friends know about this and only have to say: “Legolas” to get your attention.

69. You yell: “Noro lim!” at people in races. Even though they are not riding…

70. If anyone dares to speak ill of LotR, Tolkien or anything even related to LotR, you turn on them, snarling…

71. Then end up getting dragged kicking and screaming to the headmistresses/masters/principles office and questioned about “violenting attacking innocent members of the schools society.” You then calmly explain that they dared to insult LotR. When they seem unimpressed you complain that they had it coming to them anyway.

72. You do the “Chicken Dance” like Frodo at Bilbo's party along with the LotR soundtrack.

73. You and the rest of your cult intend to go to the RotK premiere dressed in your native clothing *cough*two elves, a hobbit and a human*cough* and proudly displaying your cult badges.

74. You make signs relating to elves and hobbits, such as: “The Elves dwell here”, and put them up in your garden.

75. You draw LotR related pictures on the car window when it steams up in cold weather.

76. You raid the fridge and break the carrots, saying: “I think I've broken something!” every time you do so.

77. Whenever you get in trouble, your parents simply say: “I'll confiscate your LotR books…” and have you whimpering at their mercy.

78. If anyone EVER dares to call the LotR action figures “dolls” you pounce on them and pull a figure out of your bag hissing: “Does this LOOK like a Barbie to you? DOES IT?! They can fight Orcs and everything!”

79. You then get distracted with your figure and sit giggling in a corner waving it around quoting random lines said by the character in the film/books.

80. You point out all the mistakes in the films, tutting loudly. *cough*Glorfindel!*cough* *cough*Tom Bombadil and Goldberry!*cough*

81. You've read The Silmarillion and other works of Tolkien.

82. You want to go on holiday to New Zealand.

83. You've stuck a sign on your siblings door saying: “There is evil here that does not sleep” Heehee. ^_^

84. You stand by a birdbath asking anyone who passes: “Will you look into the mirror?”

85. You have a LotR diary.

84. You occasionally start singing a random song from the books.

85. You sit talking to trees for ages, incase they are Ents who are listening to your every word.

86. You own LotR clothing.

87. You write LotR songs to well-known tunes. Oh, and Fan Fictions. *cough*Skater Elf*cough*

88. You also go into town with your cult, in your cloaks and leaf pins, speaking as the characters would.

89. You have asked your friend who owns horses if you can practice riding barebacked like the elves.

90. You want to get your own horse and name it Shadowfax, Arod, Hasufel or Bill.

91. You have many, many LotR pictures in your locker or taped to your pencil case and school equipment.

92. You want to name your children after certain characters…

93. All your non-LotR fan friends moan loudly if you spot any picture of any LotR character/actor and try to grab hold of you before you start screaming and running.

94. No one ever even bothers to ask you what you want for your birthday/Christmas.

95. Your friends pinch your Legolas badge as a joke, knowing it will send you into the depths of despair. *sniffs*

96. You frequently have LotR related dreams…

97. You play LotR Scrabble and Hang Man.

98. Your parents know your Elvish name and call you by it sometimes. Woohoo!

99. You and your family are very surprised you haven't been expelled from school for your little, um, “scuffles” and you are now banned from nearly every shop in town.

100. You are taking quilted tissues with you to see RotK (not to mention your entire action figure collection and a few banners you have made…) because you know you'll cry your eyes out at the end. But of course… LotR never ends; it goes on forever…with the fans) :

All these are written by me, except a few which others have come up with. Hope you’ve enjoyed them. I’m sure you’ve found some similarities! ^__^