**Number five
A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow
goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to
her
and says, “Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know
you'll
forgive me.” She replies, “If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm
in room 221.”

** Number four
A businessman boards a flight & is seated next to a gorgeous woman. He
notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her
about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book. It says
that American Indians have the longest penises and Jewish men have the
biggest diameter penises. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?”
“Tonto Greenburg, nice to meet you.”

** Number three
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing
his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says “I'm sorry honey, I've
got a
gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The
husband,rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over
and
taps his wife again. “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

** Number two
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that
he
had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk
about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to
overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill
came
home.
His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. “What's
wrong,Bill?” she asked. “Do you remember that I told you how I had this
tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?” “Oh, Bill,
you didn't.” “Yes, I did.” “My God, Bill, what happened?” “I got
fired.”
“No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?” “Oh..she
got fired too.”

** Number one
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast table one morning when the wife says, “Just think, fifty
years
ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.” “I know,”
the old man said, “We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds
fifty
years
ago.” “Well,” Granny snickered, “Let's relive some old times.”
Whereupon
the
two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. You know, honey,“
the
little old lady breathlessly replied, ”My nipples are as hot for you
today as they were fifty years ago.“ ”I wouldn't be surprised,“
replied
Gramps. ”One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."