Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: Who has the time?
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The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”

“Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
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A guy walks up to a woman in a bar and asks, “Can I smell your pussy?”
Offended the woman says, “NO.”

The guy says, “Oh, then it must be your feet.”
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The married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation. After a few days he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation.

Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his barchelor friend: “Take next plane for fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress.”

His friend was quick to wire back: “Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 11.30 a.m. How long have you known about us?
*
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go. When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, ”Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?“

”Well, yes,“ the doctor replies, ”but never framed.“
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A girl had devised a device to cause any car that passed in front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn't find any practical way to profit from it. So, thinking clearly, she set up the device, and as the cars passed the house and broke down, she'd offer the man in the car a place to stay for the night. Then as soon as the man was asleep, he'd be jarred awake by her with his penis in her mouth, and she'd hold a sign up saying ”$50 or I'll bite hard!“. Of course usually the guy would pay and she'd let him go.
Well one day a Newfoundlander broke down, and had to stay the night. Sure enough, he felt something between his legs at night, and there she is with him in her mouth and holding the sign ”$50 or I'll bite.“

The newfoundlander just smiled and said ”$100 or I'll piss!“
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President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.
”What is it?“ exclaims the President.

”It's this Abortion Bill Mr. President, what do you want to do about it?“ the aide replies.

”Just go ahead and pay it.“ responds the President.
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There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, ”Wow, these seats are big!“ The person next to him answered, ”Everything is big in Texas.“
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, ”Wow these mugs are big!“ The bartender replied, ”Everything is big in Texas.“

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, ”Second door to the right.“ The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, ”Don't flush, don't flush!“
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A blonde is walking down a creek. While she's looking around she notices Judi walking along the other side of the creek. She yells to Judy. ”Hey, how do I get to the other side?“
Judi replies, ”You are on the other side!"