1. If you're bidding on a job for UPS, don't send
your bid by FedEx.

2. If your computer says, “Printer out of Paper,”
this problem
cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the
“OK” button.

3. If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work,
you need to
hook it to a water source. Air doesn't make good
ice unless it is
mixed with water.

4. No matter how much data you add to your laptop,
it will not get
heavier.

5. A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette
is on the
underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large
magnet.

6. It's okay to use the Poloroid Land Camera on a
boat.

7. When the PC says, “Insert diskette #2,” don't do
it immediately.
Remove disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can
make them both fit
in there.

8. When your PC says “You have mail,” don't go to
the company mail
room and look for a package.

9. The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn't
translate English
language web pages into French.

10. If you're in the armed services, and it's April
1st, and you get
an e-mail message to call Colonel Sanders for
new orders, don't.

11. If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad,
you don't have
to specify whether it's for a Windows or a Macintosh