IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs

IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder
yesterday
please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break staff should
empty the
teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything -
bicycles,
washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along
and get a
wonderful bargain.

QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this
point will
be drowned. By order of the District Council.

NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their
garments
here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.

SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In
Your Car

NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross
the
field for free, but the bull charges.

MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet
will
tell you how to get lessons.

ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please
knock hard
on the door - the bell doesn't work)