While the US stock market is at an all time high, the ups and downs frighten a lot of small investors like me. I went to my financial adviser at the bank and ask if he were worried. He replied that he slept like a baby.

I was amazed and asked, “Really? Even with all the fluctuations?”

He said, “Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours.”







OFFICE PRAYER

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off and also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.”

Amen








A saleslady from a major condom company was required to travel cross-country to meet a perspective buyer. Her boss asked her to take about 100 condoms of various types with her.

As she was running late for her flight, she simply stuffed them all into her briefcase. The cab ride to the airport was delayed by traffic and she had just enough time to throw her ticket at the counter and run onto the plane. As she jumped into the airplane, she dropped her briefcase and all the condoms flew out all over the floor in front of all the passengers and crew. They all stared amazed at the display and then looked to the woman who said sheepishly, “I'm meeting a new client.”








Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with: “Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try.








I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.

She said, ”Well… the minimum I could work for is four hundred a week.“

I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.

She shook her head and replied, ”With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week.“








A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, ”We have an opening for people like you.“

”Oh, great,“ the man said, ”What is it?“

”It's called the door!“








The secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The boss called her into his office and said, ”Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you you could come and go as you please around here?“

Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, ”My lawyer."