A chap went up to the counter in the library and said, “Have you got any books about committing suicide?”

The librarian said, “Yes. Take a look over there, somewhere on the middle shelf.”

The chap came back a few moments later and said, “I can't find any at all.”

The librarian replied, “Yes, it's awful. The swines never bring ‘em back!”








ALWAYS GIVE 100% AT WORK: 12% Monday
23% Tuesday
40% Wednesday
20% Thursday
5% Friday





Two postal workers had just gotten off their routes for the day when one of the postal workers saw the other step on a snail.

“Why did you step on that snail, Tom?” asked his perplexed co-worker.

“Cause that darn snail’s been following me around work all day!”







A rather dense woman got a new job working in a sperm bank. We ran into her about a week after she started her new job and asked her what she did.

She said, “Well, I just sit in the reception area and great all the men who come in. It's mainly men. Women never come in there. And I act cordial. And I point out to the men where they should go. And when they come out, I say, ‘Thank you for coming.’”







A door-to-door vacuum salesman knocks, and an old lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and empties a bucket of horse poop over her hall carpet.

He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don’t clean up every last speck of that, I'll eat it.”

“Do you want a spoon?” she asks, “We've only moved in this morning and the electricity's not on yet.”







A secretary, out with appendicitis, was being visited by a co-worker in the hospital. “How are things at the office going, Claudia?” she asked.

“Well, they're all sharing your work. Jody is making the coffee, Louise is reading all your magazines, and Sharon is making it with the Boss.”