You can’t make this terrorist stuff up


It has been reported that Osama bin Laden is one of 52 kids which makes me wonder if he's really a Muslim. Sounds awfully Irish-Catholic to me. Maybe his whole problem stems from being unable to find a decent pint of Guinness in Afghanistan.

Bush's approval rating has hit 90 percent, the highest ever recorded for a sitting President. But Dubyah is advised not to rest on his laurels, don't forget, the XFL started out strong as well.

San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown keeps talking about how our town is a likely target as well. “We have international landmarks too. Golden Gate Bridge. Pyramid Building.” Sounds like a bad case of terrorism envy. Hey Willie shut up!

Etiquette note: when two cars approach the same empty parking place, the spot goes to which ever auto is flying the bigger flag.

“Hey Mr. Taliban, Tally me banana. Daylight come and me wanna go home.”

Not only are these people bloodthirsty, they're stupid as well. If they really wanted to disrupt our economy all they had to do was take out the IRS, and the national response would have been: “Oh darn. Gosh, that's terrible. Boy, they better not try that again.”

Introducing a new product: red, white and blue Trojan Ultraribs. “Exhibit your passion by flying the colors of America. You will be saluted.”

At least the Gen Xers got over their monumental case of crisis envy. Must have been sick and tired of Baby Boomers telling them how easy they've had it. “You don't know what it was like. Losing the Kennedys, Malcolm, Martin Luther King, then the Vietnam War. You just don't get it man.” Up until experiencing the events of 9-11, their protestations were weak: “I'll always remember where I was when Michael Jackson's hair caught on fire. Entertainment Tonight ran it over and over and over. I can never forgive the NFL for choosing to play that weekend. Never.”

I can't believe Clinton was at ground zero hugging women. You idiot, that's what got you in trouble before. Hug a fireman for crum's sake. Then, while George W and Tony Blair were touring the bottom of Manhattan, Bill was squiring Mrs. Blair around town. Terrific, now we're going to war with England.

Some airlines have announced a plan to save money by ending meal services in coach. So, some good has come out of this tragedy.

At the Packer-Redskin game in Green Bay on Monday, Lambeau Field was full of red white and blue cheeseheads. Proving that patriotism needn't always be pretty.