Prison & Work
Top 10 differences between prison and work


1.
In prison… you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell;
At work… you spend the majority of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.


2.
In prison… you get three meals a day;
At work… you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.


3.
In prison… you get time off for good behavior;
At work- you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.


4.
In prison… the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you;
At work… you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.


5.
In prison… you can watch TV and play games;
At work… you get fired for watching TV and playing games.


6.
In prison… you get your own toilet;
At work… you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.


7.
In prison… they allow your family and friends to visit;
At work… you can't even speak to your family.


8.
In prison… all expenses are paid by the tax-payers with no work required;
At work…. you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.


9.
In prison… you spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
At work… you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.


10.
In prison… you must deal with sadistic wardens;
At work…they're called managers.

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Get ég fengið eins dags frí?
Hversu oft er ekki stjórnandi spurður slíkrar spurningar? Við fréttum af einum sem er með svarið á reiðum höndum og notar það óspart. Það skal hinsvegar látið ósvarað hversu vel það virkar, en það sakar ekki að reyna.


Svar stjórnandans:
Svo þig langar í frí á morgun. Hugsaðu eitt augnablik um hvað þú ert að biðja um. Það eru 365 mögulegir vinnudagar í árinu sem gera 52 vinnuvikur. Þú hefur þegar 2ja daga frí um hverja helgi, sem skilja eftir 261 mögulega vinnudaga. Og þar sem þú eyðir 16 tímum daglega frá vinnu, sem eru samtals 170 vinnudagar, þá eru 91 dagur eftir til vinnu. Þú eyðir 30 mínútum dag hvern í pásur, sem gera samtals 23 daga á ári, og skilja þá eftir 68 daga til vinnu. Þú eyðir einnu klukkustund á dag í mat sem gera samtals 46 daga á ári, og eru þá 22 dagar eftir til vinnu. Þú tekur að jafnaði 2ja daga veikindafrí á ári, sem skilja eftir 20 daga til vinnu. Þú færð frí á 9 hátíðisdögum á ári, og þá eru 11 dagar eftir til vinnu. Þú hefur tekið að jafnaði 10 daga sumarfrí á ári, og þá er aðeins EINN dagur eftir til vinnu og það er ALVEG ÚTILOKAÐ að þú fáir frí þennan eina dag.

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EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day #180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day #181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day #182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!



EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY:

DAY #752 -
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY #761 -
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.
DAY #765 -
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was…Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY #768 -
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called shampoo. What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY #771 -
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call beer. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of allergies. Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY #774 -
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…