The following little pearls of Football Humour are all true… or so I'm led to believe !

“It was like living in a foreign country”
Ian Rush, (ex-Liverpool) when asked how he enjoyed his time at Juventus

“The match will be shown on Match of the Day this evening. If you don't want to know the result, look away now as we show you Tony Adams lifting the trophy for Arsenal Steve Rider” commentator

“Lombardo speaks much better English than what people realise”
Mark Goldberg, Crystal Palace chairman

“Aston Villa will play a lot worse than this and lose”
Alan Parry commentator, with an interesting viewpoint during Villa's cup defeat by Fulham

“I'm a firm believer that if the other side scores first you have to score twice to win”
Howard Wilkinson, Technical Director at the F.A., proving that he knows what the game is all about

“We probably got on better with the likes of Holland, Belgium, Norway and Sweden, some of whom are not even European”
Jack Charlton, Manager of Northen Ireland

“You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw”
Kevin Keegan, commentating on Manchester United vs Monaco

“We're going to start the game at nil-nil and go out and try to get some goals”
Bryan Robson, (disclosing tactics…?)

“If it had gone in, it would have been a goal”
Barry Davies, commentator

“They (Rosenborg) have won 66 games, and they've scored in all of them”
Brian Moore, commentator

“To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch”
from the very insightful (ahem) Ruud Gullit

“For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the yellow strip”
John Motson, commentator

“Newcastle must still wish they had him to put balls on Ferguson's head”
David Mellor, (MP and football pundit) on ex-Newcastle star David Ginola's recent good form

“The game is evenly balanced in Arsenal's favour”
Alan Parry, commentator

“I am not here at the moment, If you are the President of AC Milan, Barcelona or Real Madrid I will get back to you”
Joe Kinnear's Answerphone message

“He had no chance of beating Schmeichel from there… but it was always worth a try”
Alan Parry, commentator

“Schmeichel's thrown that a long way.. in fact, it's gone all the way to Dublin !”
Alan Parry, on the goalkeeper's throw that reached Dion

“The World Cup is every four years, so it's going to be a perennial problem”
Gary Lineker

“Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored”
Terry Venables

“Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw”
Ron Atkinson

“Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose”
Kevin Keegan

“I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish”
Ian St. John

“I came to Nantes two years ago and it's very much the same, except that it's completely different”
Kevin Keegan

“Zidane is not very happy because he is suffering from the wind”
Ron Atkinson

“He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it on their faces”
Ron Atkinson

“When a game goes like this, there's only one team going to win it now, and that's England”
Kevin Keegan, after England had equalised in the 83rd minute. Final score Romania 2 England 1

Reporter: Why did you lose ?
Kenny Dalglish: Because they scored more goals than we did!

“It took a lot of bottle for Tony to own up”
Ian Wright, on the Arsenal captain's confession to alcoholism

“I know where he should have put his flag up, and he'd have got plenty of help”
Ron Atkinson at Stamford Bridge

“Football's not a matter of life and death… it's more important than that”
Bill Shankly

“If England are to win this game, they are going to have to score a goal”
Jimmy Hill - BBC

“Julian Dicks has been everywhere… its like West Ham have got eleven Dicks out there”
Metro-City Radio

“I've told the players we need to win, so that I can raise the cash to buy some new ones”
Chris Turner, Peterborough Manager,before the League Cup Quarter Finals in 1992.

“Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins”
Brian Moore, commentator

“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars, the rest I just squandered”
George Best

“If we played like that every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistent”
Bryan Robson, Manchester United, 1990

“That's great, tell him he's Pele, and get him back on”
John Lambie, Partick Thistle Manager, when told his concussed striker did not know who he was

“I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs”
Andy Gray, Sky Sport

Richard Keys : Well Roy, do you think you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the league?
Roy Evans : You have to finish above everyone to win the league Richard

“It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday”
Radio 5 Live

“Merseyside Derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different”
Trevor Brooking

“Dumbarton player Steve Cahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead”
Tom Ferrie

“And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley… unless somebody knocks us out”
Dave Bassett

“What I said to them at half-time would be unprintable on the radio”
Gerry Francis

“The crowd think Todd handled the ball… they must have seen something nobody else did”
Barry Davies, commentator, 1975

“There's nobody fitter at his age, except maybe Raquel Welch”
Ron Atkinson praising Gordon Strachan, 39

“If the players want to make it hard for me, I'm happy to make it twice as hard for them”
Wendy Toms, the first female referee to officiate in a professional game.