Things a Mother would never say.

1.How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?
2.Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.
3.Let me smell that shirt - don't worry, it's good for another week.
4.Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed
and walk him every day.
5.That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.
6.Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.
7.The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like
I'm running a prison around here.
8.Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.
9.Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?
10.Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

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Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was
having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit
down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand
upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
“First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse”,she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse
and takes it off. “O.K., now take off my skirt”, and he takes off her skirt. “Now take off my
bra”, which he does.
“And now, Johnny, please take off my panties”. Johnny finishes removing these too.
His mother then says, “Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school anymore!

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A big, fat lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.
The bartender says,” Hey, where'd you get the pig.“ She says,
”It's not a pig it's a duck.“ He says, ”I was talking to the
duck.“

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A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries.
The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
”What are you doing,“ his mother asked?
”The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken,“ the boy explained. ”I'm looking for
the seal."