I Guess That's Fair

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “chickens.”
“Chickens, eh?” says one guy. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”

“Heck,” says the guy with the bag, “iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of ‘em.”

The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um… five?”

Ash Blonde

How did the blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!

Holiday in Ibiza

A man wanted to go on holiday in Ibiza because he had heard it was the best place in the world to have unsafe sex. On his first night, he picks up a prostitute and after finishing his business pays her for a job well done. As he drives off, he shouts to her, ’'El dollar, counterfeito!'' The lady smiles and points to him, shouting, ‘'El sifillis, originale!’'

Don't Mess with the Judge

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?”
The man said, “Here and there.”
The judge asked the man, “What do you do for a living?”
The man said, “This and that.”
The judge then said, “Take him away.”
The man said, “Wait, judge when will I get out?”
The judge said to the man, “Sooner or later.”

Ready to Go Home Yet?

There was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender for a beer. He chugged it, looked into his pocket, asked for another beer. He chugged that one, then looked into his pocket, and asked for another beer.
This went on for a while until the bartender finally asked, “How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?”

The man said, “Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough to go home.”