A Frenchman an Englishman and a Scotsman were captured by a fierce tribe. The chief came to them and said “The bad news is now that we've caught you were going to kill you and then we will use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is you get to choose how you will die.”

The French man says “I take ze poison and die like a man.”

The chief gives him some poison and the Frenchman says: “Vive la France” and drinks it down.

The English man says “a pistol for me please, if it's not too much trouble all the same.” The chief gives him a pistol and he points it at his head, says “God save the Queen” and blows his brains out.

The Scotsman says “give me a fork” the chief is puzzled but shrugs and gives him the fork. The Scot takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over his stomach and chest and sides, everywhere.

There is blood gushing out all over. The chief is appalled and screams “what are you doing?”

The Scotsman looks at the chief and yells “so much fer yer fuckin' canoe!”
“If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen.”