Letter for the Schoolmaster:

One day an English Lady was looking for a room in Switzerland. She asked the local schoolmaster if he could recommend anything she might like. She finally decided on a quaint little apartment and returned to the Hotel at which she had been staying. When she got back she suddenly remembered she had not seen a Water Closet (commonly known in America as a bathroom). She immediately wrote back to the schoolmaster asking him if the apartment had a W.C. The schoolmaster upon receiving the letter did not understand the meaning of the abbreviation, W.C. He took it to the local priest to see if he knew the meaning, and they finally decided it must stand for Wayside Chapel. This is how the schoolmaster answered the letter.

Dear Madam:

I am happy to inform you that we do have a W.C. It is located nine miles from the house in a beautiful garden surrounded by a grove of pine trees. It seats 300 people, and is open Monday, Wednesdays and Sundays, which is not real handy if you are in the habit of going regularly.

My dearest ladyship, I suggest you go on Wednesdays for there is an organ accompaniment and even the most delicate sound is audible. The W.C. is very busy during the summer months, so I suggest you go early and get a seat even though there is plenty of standing room. Some families come with packed lunches and make a day of it.

I am proud to say my daughter was married in the W.C. It was there she met her husband for the first time. I remember the rush for seats that day. There were ten people in the seat I usually occupy, and it was very uncomfortable. We have been planning a bazaar, and the proceeds are to go toward the purchase of plush seats, even though they are not needed. We recently had a bell erected on our W.C. which rings every time someone enters. My wife is a very delicate woman and cannot get to the W. C. very often. It has been six months since she last went, and it hurts her very much to go.

Well, I must say good-bye for now, and if you are still interested, I shall be happy to save you a seat next to mine.

Sincerely,
The Schoolmaster
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1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.

2. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

5. Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like……………………..


It's speaking English that kills you.

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Mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying “All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop, and all of you bastards who are getting on, get your arse in the train cause we’re going down the tracks.”

The horrified mother went in and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.”

“We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip, was a pleasant one.” She hears the little boy continue, “for those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”

As the mother began to smile, the child added, “for those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see that cunt in the kitchen.