The beginning of a new term
by
rufiel




íslensk nóta: þetta er á ensku því mér gengur af einhverjum ástæðum betur að skrifa á ensku heldur en íslensku.




A/N: As I'm writing this author note, I'm wondering how I should end the story. I've completed about 1000 words now, and exactly why I'm writing this author note exactly now, I do not know. But I once saw an insane fic which was inspired with 22 insane things to happen in a story. Some sort of a challenge, but I have no idea where. So I decided to make a story with those 22 things, and keep the fic as sane as possible. I fear I may have failed completely, but afterwards is the result.

WARNING: I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE MINDS THAT WENT INSANE AFTER READING THIS A/N. BUT I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE MINDS THAT WENT INSANE AFTER READING THE STORY, SO PLEASE TRY AND BE SANE.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.










Finally.

He was inside the Hogwarts Express after a long summer at the Dursley's. True, he had gotten out at the 31st of July, but only to go to Grimmauld Place. He fled and reappeared at the Dursley's 3 days later to spend the rest of the summer with them. Everybody were shocked, and at the same time, they weren't. They were equally shocked when he reappeared at Grimmauld Place 2 days later. He spent the rest of the summer there.
Inside the house were things that constantly reminded Harry of Remus, er, Sirius. To spend a month there was like the end of the world to Harry. But he still did have some fun.

(Flashback)

Harry sat in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place. He was thinking about Remus, er, Sirius, and was having the time of his life. Well, not really. He was actually quite depressed about something. Something like Remus', er, Sirius' death.(though I wouldn't be surprised if he broke the rules and returned from death. Sirius just doesn't follow rules) But then, something startled him.

“Hello.” said a radish on the table.

“What?” Harry cried out. Was that radish talking to him?

“I said hello.” the radish said.

“You can talk?” Harry said with awe in his voice. He and the radish talked for hours (3 to be exact) and Harry really enjoyed talking to it. Then he discovered that the radish wasn't actually talking, it was just a joke from Fred and George to clear, er, cheer him up. It actually worked, much to everyone's surprise. (end of Flashback)

He talked more after that. Talked to Harry, er, Ron, talked to Hermione, talked to Ginny. He really enjoyed talking to them all, but mostly Ginny. He did not know why, or he did, but did not want to admit it by saying it aloud. But as he was just thinking it and the author is able to read his thoughts, you will hear the reason. She simply was the most fun. True, Ron & Hermione spent half the summer snogging, half the summer sleeping and eating. True, Ginny was (and is) also more beautiful than both of them. True, Harry's got a crush on Ginny and Ginny on Harry. True, Harry & Ginny spent quarter the summer snogging, quarter the summer talking, brooding and shivering, half the summer sleeping and eating. True, Ginny was more fun to brood with. True, Harry and Ginny were dating. But the main reason was that she simply was the most fun. He remembered well when they pranked the twins…

(Flashback)

“You think they're actually gonna eat it?” Harry asked.

“Yeah. We invented it completely without any help and noone knows about it. Why shouldn't they eat a perfectly normal apple?” Ginny answered.

“It's just lying there.” Harry replied.

“Nothing abnormal about some apples lying in their room.” Ginny said.

“W…” Harry didn't finish. Fred and George had arrived. Harry and Ginny were hiding in the closet in their room. They had decided to prank the twins after two weeks of constant teasing from them.

“What the…” “How…” were heard before Harry and Ginny came out of the closet in as non-homosexual way as possible. There were Fred and George, inflated. Harry and Ginny laughed so hard that they actually forgot the counter-orange. After half an hour they remembered though and went to get it. When the twins had ate it they looked mad for a nanosecond or two, but then burst out laughing. They didn't even plan revenge later on.

(end of Flashback)

The Inflated Apple was now sold at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Fred and George continued teasing a bit, but not as much as before. Afterwards Harry & Ginny also had much more snogging hours than before. But even though he wasn't gonna get many snogging hours at Hogwarts he was still happy going there, because even 6 snogging hours a day didn't weigh against 12 Grimmauld Place.
Now, you're probably wondering what young Harry was doing while thinking about all this. Many guesses would be that he was alone in his compartment looking out the window because Ginny had been made prefect. Wrong. She was not a prefect, so she and Harry had been alone in their compartment since they arrived at the train. And they hadn't been playing Exploding Snap. They had indeed been snogging. Who would've guessed?

“AARGHH!!!!!!!!!” That was Ron. Even though he spent half the summer on Hermione's mouth ignoring whether anyone was around them, he always screamed when he saw Harry and Ginny snogging. Snogging is such a cool word! I'm going to let everybody snog as often as they can in this story. Go you snogging people of this universe!

“Honestly, Ron!” Hermoine said. “Won't you ever stop that?”

"No! My best mate and sister snogging…ew“ Ron replied. Such a beautiful word, replied……..

”Then don't open your eyes just yet“

”Why not…? AARGHH!!!!!!!!!“

” Honestly, Ron! Harry, Ginny, I have something to tell you two and Ron. Ron if you'd please stop!

“What is it Hermione?” Ginny asked.

“Have you two stopped?” Ron asked.

“No, we're talking and snogging at the same time.” Harry said.

“How is that possible?” Ron asked, not quite getting it.

“It isn't! Open your eyes!” Hermione said quite annoyedly (a word I've stolen).

“OK, OK. What were you going to tell us Hermione?” Ron asked.

"OK. I didn't know exactly what I'm going to be in those career thingies with Professor McGonagall, so I've signed up for every class possible. So I had to take the Time Turner again. And I've decided that I'm going to the past in an hour, so I'm going to appear at any moment, so it is not Dark Magic. OK?“

”Yeah, what ever…“ the three of them grumbled (a fascinating word I felt like I had to use at this presice moment).

Then suddenly, without a *POP*, another Hermoine appeared.

”Hello, my future-self.“ Hermione said to Hermione(2).

”Hi. Sorry have to use the bathroom.“ Hermione(2) said, and with that, she fled to the bathroom. Hermione waited anxiously, but suddenly felt like she had to go to the bathroom. But she couldn't until the other Hermione was done. Almost an hour later, she came into the compartment. Hermione then realized that she had to go to the past to go to the bathroom, so she did, and Hermione(2) became Hermione.

”That was really frustrating.“ she said.

But the others did not find it frustrating at all. In fact, they were laughing like cangaroos at Hermione.

”Boys…and Ginny“ she mumbled under her breath, which made Ron and Harry laugh even harder, and after Ginny glared at Hermione for a few seconds, she too burst out laughing.

Now, this wouldn't be a trip to Hogwarts if not for the annual visit of Draco F. Malfoy. It did come and pay them a visit, but surprisingly without its two body-guards. And to add to the surprise, the Malfoy was drunk.

”Potter!“ it spat out. And it indeed spat out a parchment with one word written on it. That word was: ”Potter". Who would've guessed?

“Malf… is it drunk?” Harry said, quite unbelievingly. I really have to increase my vocabulary……

The Malfoy did not answer. Instead it vomited on the compartment floor.

“GET IT OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!” Hermione shrieked in a very un-Hermione way.

Harry and Ron picked the Malfoy up and carried it to the prefect compartment. In there were indeed 25 people, most of them rule-breakers, and when Harry and Ron dropped the Malfoy on the floor it stood up and in front of this audience, it started to perform a comedy routine.
When it made its first attempt of a joke, Harry and Ron ran out of the prefect compartment shouting “HEEEEEEEEEELLLLP!!!!!!!!!” The ones nearby looked at them like they were mad, which everybody forced to watch a Malfoy do a comedy routine, become.
They stormed into their own compartment to find Ginny and a man with long, bushy hair, glasses, ugly nose and a mustach (however you spell that). He also had begun to develop as a girl.

“Where's Hermione?” Ron asked.

Then, something happened which Ron never would've expected, but Harry had expected since they entered the compartment. The man and Ginny began to laugh.

“Honestly, Ron!” the man said and took off his glasses, and with the glasses came the nose and the mustach (however you spell that), to reveal a Granger. A Hermione Jane Granger to be exact.

“How did you do that?” Ron asked.

So Hermione explained everything to Ron.

“Ah.” Ron said after Hermione had explained.

“Ah, indeed.” Hermione said. What Ron and Hermione did not know was that these two words in a row were the key to reveal a magic ability. If someone says “Ah.” and someone says “Ah, indeed.” right afterwards the two persons responsible are able to sing in any voice they've heard in their lives. So now Ron and Hermione can sing in any voice they've heard in their lives, but do not know. Kinda pointless having an amazing new magic ability if you do not know you have it.
Nothing worth mentioning happened in the rest of the train ride, except that as soon as Ron and Hermione went out ‘patroling’ Harry and Ginny jumped at each other in an attempt to snog, but bumped their foreheads instead and were knocked out for several minutes. When they woke up they indeed began to snog. Who would've guessed?
When they arrived at King's Cross, er, Hogsmeade, Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione got their own thestral carriage. But they were not alone. Inside was indeed a crab. Who would've guessed?

“Get out of here you silly crab!” Hermione said to the crab.

“Why? I have as much right as you to be here.” the crab replied. WHAT? The crab replied?

“Out!”

“In!”

“OUT!”

“IN!”

“OUT!”

“IN!”

"Uh, Hermione, the crab is one of Fred and George's inventions. You are indeed talking to them, not the crab.“ Ginny said.

”WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO SPOIL EVERYTHING?????!!!!!" the crab yelled at Ginny and then disappeared with a *TIC*.

They arrived at Hogwarts without further incident, which is saying something for the trio-who-recently-became-a-quartet. While waiting for the Sorting to begin, Harry rested his eyes a bit on the table. He must've fallen asleep because soon he saw Professor McGonagall coming inside and the first years trailing after. When she had placed the Sorting Hat on the stool (or the chair depending on your mother) the Hat bagan to sing.

Even though you do not believe it
I once was new
Blah, blah, blah
and blah, blah, blah
There is Gryffindor
Hufflepuff
Ravenclaw
Slytherin
And I tell
You which
Way you'll go
But that is boring
I want to live
To see the world
Eat ice cream
And bouillabase
But they keep me here
Away from everything
I don't want that
I hate you all

Well, that was new. Harry didn't understand why the Hat had suddenly started complaining. Maybe it was bored. Noone had seemed to notice though. Not even Hermione. It was indeed weird that she wasn't analysing the Hat's depression and wondering whether all Magic Hats were that bored, and started the Hats Organization Ravishing Even for Working Habits being Obeyed Sincerely by Underage hat Children that are Kind but Scold. But now the Sorting had begun.

“Anderson, Jenny.” McGonagall, er, Professor McGonagall called.

A little girl walked to the Sorting Hat. Harry noticed that she indeed was only wearing a bra and a skirt. When he looked at the other first years he saw that all the girls were only wearing a bra and a skirt and the boys were all just wearing dresses. That was indeed weird. But nothing compared to what the Hat called:

“Frethelding!”

Then Harry had begun to search for the Frethelding table, but his eyes wondered, er, wandered, er, he looked at the staff table and noticed that Professor Snape had indeed changed gender, and was now busily flirting with Flitwick.

Something was not right, not being the keyword here. He started looking for the possible explaination.

‘Maybe it’s a plan from Voldemort' Harry thought. ‘But how did he do it? Even Dumbl…’

“Harry”

“Harry”

“Harry”

Harry woke up. So he had indeed fallen asleep.

“Where is the Frethelding table?” he said. Thatt mustve souded wierd, butt i ahm to busi righting ah stori ahnd speling vords wrongly (I really do need that vocabulary… A wonder I even know what that is.) to give a damn.

“What? Are you sure you're feeling alright?” Ginny asked.

“Yeah, I'm alright. Just had the weirdest dream though….” he replied. I'm sure you're wondering who he is. I am delighted to tell you that he is indeed Harry Potter. Who would've guessed I could make such a bad joke………

“OK. You slept through the Sorting and as you've probably noticed the food has arrived.”

Harry had not noticed that. Exactly how, he did not know, but he had not noticed. But the food had arrived and Ron even had a nearly empty plate. Not many though seemed to have started…

"Oh, and by the way, Lupin is here. Dumbledore didn't say what he was exactly doing though… said it was, and I quote: 'a secret that only Or…er, selected people know'. Guess there's a magical creature running loose about Hogwarts, eh?" she said, and while he watched her, he realized that he indeed had romantic feelings for her. But something about that didn't make any sense whatsoever. (Not that anything you've read by me does, but…)
‘Oh, now I remember. We’re dating and I've had romantic feelings for her for months.' he thought.

“Eh?” she repeated.

“Oh, yeah, I guess. I'm just distracted by your very beautiful presence.” Harry said. Oh, how very sweet of him. Bah, he didn't say that. He said:

“Oh, yeah, I guess. Wanna go someplace and snog?” Now that is a little bit more like it. (Not that you should say this, but Harry is not the charmer you are, so go impress your lady with very poetic and beautiful words.)
But Ginny didn't seem to mind at all. In fact, she dragged him right out of the Great Hall and up to the 7th floor.
‘Why the 7th floor?’ you ask. Because there is a very cozy classroom there which hasn't been used since Nearly Headless Nick's head was still stuck to his body.

When they had reached the classroom, they entered. That is an entirely logical thing to do when you've reached a classroom, you see. So they entered and began to chat about cauldron's thicknesses, or lackthereof, and enjoyed themselves immensely.

Who am I kidding? They had been snogging half the way walking to the classroom, and they weren't gonna let entering it stop them.

Harry felt a little bald, er, bold, so he decided to make a suggestion.

(Edited)

Harry and Ginny went to Gryffindor Tower afterwards. They were lucky to come there at the same time as Ron and Hermione, who had been outside ‘patroling’ (Ha! I said I'd let them snog every chance they get!), and they knew the password ( snog). So Ron and Hermione and Ginny and Harry and a duck which had been roaming nearby climbed through the portrait hole and went to their respective dormitories, except for the duck, who indeed began to snog Trevor the Toad.













A/N: I know, I know. It's completely plotless and horribly written. Please tell me why it is horribly written though, so I can make part 2 of this story better. Even though I don't know whether I'll write part 2 or not… I really could end this here and everybody wouldn't give a *BEEP* about it. If I'll write part 2, it will not be posted for some time. Then probably, noone cares about part 2 and actually just wants me to shut the *BEEP* up so they can flame me. But I haven't completed all 22 things… Oh, well.

Vocabulary probably means something entirely different from what I thought it meant…

Aukahöfundarnóta: Ég póstaði þessu á www.hgnetwork.co.uk/siye, og þar er það PG-13. Ég ákvað að pósta þessu hérna til að systir mín (tinnakristin, Galdragríman) fengi að sjá alvöru spuna…
nei, nei, hennar er fínn…
ef þið skiljið ekki eitthvert enskt orð þarna spyrjið mig bara.
Ég sendi fanart mynd með, og spyr: Hverjar eru þetta. Klapp á bakið handa þeim sem fattar.
Endi á aukahöfundarnótu.

Now bugger off. (no offense)