People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Screw You! What good is a friggin cake if you can't eat it? What, should I eat someone else's...

Það er kannski svoldið seint að segja þennann (WTC djók) en ég var að lesa hann og fannst han nokkuð skondinn: One suburban guy left for work on Sept. 11 at about 6:00AM to go To his office in the World Trade Centre. When he got to Manhattan he went to his girlfriend's apartment in the Village, turned his cell phone off, and climbed into bed with her. At about 10:00AM, while still lying next to her, he turned his cell phone on, and a second later it rang. He answered, and it was his wife who...

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote,...

he he… Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday.” Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, “How did you do over the weekend?” “Well,...

One day a big Indian Chief goes to his local pharmacy. He goes up to the clerk and says, “Last night me fuck squaw, left nut go ‘oomph’, right nut go ‘oomph’, dick go ‘oomph’, condom go BOOM!” Now the clerk was quite impressed by this sexual feat so he grabbed some Trojans for professionals and tells the Chief to come back and tell him how they work for him. The next day, the big Chief comes back to the pharmacy, goes right up to the clerk and gruffly says, “Last night me fuck squaw, left...

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What's in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Juan. The guard says, “We'll just see about that get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand...

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed. Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting very friendly with every hottie in the place, and groping them when he could. She then cut in and rubbed...

Hér er einhverjir ljóskbrandarar sem ég fann, flestir ekkert fyndnir, þetta eru bara einhverjir sem ég hef aldrei heyrt. ++++++++++++++++++ How do you know a blonde's having a bad day? Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil. —– What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties? Women! —– Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date? So they have some place to put their feet. —– Why doesn't the blonde want to drink beer on the beach? Because she...

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing....