spurninga listar

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.



Q: Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?
A: He was caught playing with his broomstick.

Q: What's the definition of innocence?
A: A nun working in a condom factory, thinking she's making little sleeping bags for mice.

Q: How do you keep a blonde at home?
A: Build a circular driveway.

Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonalds on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.

Q: What went through the fly''s mind as he hit the windshield?
A: His Butt!

Q: What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?

A: Hey! Watch this…

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To put out fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To put out burning ducks.

Q: Why are politicians proof of reincarnation?
A: You just can't get that screwed up in one lifetime

Q: What is a fly without any wings?

A: A walk.

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn't matter, he's not going to come anyway.

Q: Why does a red light turn red?

A: If you had to change in front of everyone you'd turn red, too

Q: How do you trap a polar bear?
A: You cut a hole in the ice. Line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pee, you kick him in the icehole.


Q: What's the position to make ugly babies?
A: Ask your parents.

Q: Where do you find a turtle with no arms and no legs?
A: Wherever you put it, dumbass.


Lawyers' Lucky Break
Q: What is the definition “lucky break”?A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”?A: There was an empty seat.

People Really Said These Things In Court
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year? A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?


Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”

Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.