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Alexxx skráði sig síðast inn á vefinn 28. ágúst 2010 - 21:40
Notandinn er ekki tengdur.

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Alexxx hefur áhuga á: Blizzard leikir, Deiglan, Dulspeki, DVD, Final Fantasy, Flug, Gamanþættir, Geimvísindi, Heilsa, Heimspeki, Húmor, Klassík, Kvikmyndir, Metall, Sci-Fi, Skóli, Sorp, Spenna / Drama, Teiknimyndir, Tilveran

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C. Sagan.































Þat mælti mín móðir
at mér skyldi kaupa
tölvu og fögur tengi
tengjast internetinu
óðamála á irkinu
æla yfir lýðinn
fara svo að forrita
fragga mann og annan




















Notendurnir Eaal, jama, asteroids hafa enga virðingu fyrir sjálfum sér.







































































































































































































Come on you apes. You want to live forever?
























There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape, but even after admitting this there is no catharsis, my punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.



Viddy well little brother, viddy well.











Good morning, Dave.






Private Joker: [whispering] Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The fairy fucking godmother said it! Out-fucking-standing! I will P.T. you all until you fucking die! I'll P.T. you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk!.
[Gunnery Sergeant Hartman grabs Private Cowboy by the shirt.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?!
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little piece of shit! You look like a fucking worm! I'll bet it was you!
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Private Joker: Sir, I said it, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well... no shit. What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker? I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister.
[Gunnery Sergeant Hartman punches Private Joker in the stomach. He sags to his knees.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you. Now get up! Get on your feet! You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!
Private Joker: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps?
Private Joker: Sir, to kill, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: So you're a killer!
Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Let me see your war face!
Private Joker: Sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You got a war face? Aaaaaaaagh! That's a war face. Now let me see your war face!
Private Joker: Aaaaaaaagh!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! You didn't convince me! Let me see your real war face!
Private Joker: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You don't scare me! Work on it!
Private Joker: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's your excuse?
Private Cowboy: Sir, excuse for what, sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'm asking the fucking questions here, Private. Do you understand?!
Private Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well thank you very much! Can I be in charge for a while?
Private Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you shook up? Are you nervous?
Private Cowboy: Sir, I am, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do I make you nervous?
Private Cowboy: Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Sir, what? Were you about to call me an asshole?!
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, Private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, five foot nine, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Five foot nine? I didn't know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you've been cheated! Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, Texas, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down! Do you suck dicks?
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you a peter-puffer?
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be watching you!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Did your parents have any children that lived?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'll bet they regret that! You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece! What's your name, fatbody?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Lawrence? Lawrence, what, of Arabia?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: That name sounds like royalty! Are you royalty?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you suck dicks?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! I'll bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I don't like the name Lawrence! Only fagots and sailors are called Lawrence! From now on you're Gomer Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
[Pyle smiles strangely.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well, any fucking time, sweetheart!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I'm trying, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, I'm gonna give you three seconds--exactly three fucking seconds--to wipe that stupid-looking grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! One! Two! Three!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I can't help it, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! Get on your knees, scumbag!
[Pvt. Pyle drops to his knees. Sgt. Hartman holds out his hand.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Now choke yourself!
[Pvt. Pyle puts his own hands around his neck.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Goddamn it, with my hand, numb nuts!!
[Pvt. Pyle reaches towards Sgt. Hartman's hand. Hartman jerks it away.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Don't pull my fucking hand over there! I said choke yourself! Now lean forward and choke yourself!
[Pvt. Pyle leans forward onto Sgt. Hartman's hand. Hartman chokes Pyle.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you through grinning?
Private Gomer Pyle: [barely able to speak] Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! I can't hear you!
Private Gomer Pyle: [gasping] Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! I still can't hear you! Sound off like you've got a pair!
Private Gomer Pyle: [gagging] Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: That's enough! Get on your feet! Private Pyle, you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cuff links... or I will definitely fuck you up!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!













Space - the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: To explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before.




28:06:42:12








[as Captain Kirk] Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the... nearest decimal point. We've... traveled back in time to save an ancient species from... total annihilation. SO FAR... no... signs of aquatic life, but I'm GOING to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it. I've... GOT TO, MISTER!




This is double-paned sound-proof glass. There is no way that neighbor could've heard Roger Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut. The scream she heard came from inside the apartment before he was thrown over the balcony and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes! Yes! Oh, yeah! Can ya feel that, buddy?! Huh?! Huh?! Huh?! [as Tangina Barrons ] I have exorcised the demons. This house is clear. [to Einhorn and the news crew, who denied his theories earlier] Losers? LOSERS! Leh-hoo. Zeh-hers!







If I'm not back in five minutes...just wait longer.




Ajuss can't do it Captain! I don't have the POWER!








Ace Ventura: HDS, sir! And how are you this afternoon- al-righty then. I have a package for you.
Man: Sounds broken.
Ace Ventura: Most likely sir. I bet it was something nice, though. Now, this is an insurance form; if you'll just sign here, here and here and print your name here and initial here, we'll get the rest of the forms out to you as soon as we can.









Mr. Shickadance: [speaks from behind Ace] Ventura!
Ace Ventura: Yes, Satan? [turns around to face Mr. Shickadance] Oh, I'm sorry sir! You sounded like someone else.





Lois Einhorn: Listen, pet dick. How would you like for me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 9-1-1? Aaal-righty then.





Ace Ventura: HOLY...Testicle Tuesday!
Lois Einhorn: What the hell is he doing here?
Ace Ventura: I came to confess. I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.





Ronald Camp: I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Ace. I'll have the plumbing checked immediately.
Ace Ventura: Be sure that you do! If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed!











TAKE THAT, YOU WINGED SPAWN OF SATAN!








Spank you very much!




[after Ace drives the jeep on a disasterous journey through the jungle]
Ace Ventura: Ah, there's the consolate!
Fulton Greenwall: Oh. Thank God.
Ace Ventura: [still driving at top speed] Now if I can JUST find a parkin' spot!
Fulton Greenwall: But don't you think we should slow down just a teensy-weensy bit?!
Ace Ventura: Nonsense, poopy-pants!
[Ace sends the jeep flipping through the air, until it lands in the carpark]
Ace Ventura: Like a glove!




Ace Ventura: Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious, and the pottery is lovely.
Ouda: It's made from guano.
Ace Ventura: Guano! Sounds so familiar...
[Ace starts licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl]
Fulton Greenwall: Bat droppings.
[Ace drops the bowl spitting the remains of the paste and wiping off his tongue]
Fulton Greenwall: Guano is their chief resource, they use it to made many things in the village.
Ace Ventura: Yyyyyummay!




Ace Ventura: What type of bat are we talking about?
Fulton Greenwall: The Great White Bat, of course.
Ace Ventura: Corpuscular chiroptera?
Fulton Greenwall: Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka.
[Natives kneel in respect of the name every time it is mentioned]
Ace Ventura: Shikaka. [they kneel again] Shikakaaaa! [they kneel once more] Shikasha! [they begin to kneel but catch on that he didn't say the name right] Ahhh! Shhhish kabab. Shhhhhawshank Redemption. SHI-KAAAAGO! (Chicago) [Chief kneels] You're outta there! [points outside] Go on, you're gone, go on.




Fulton Greenwall: Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna...
Ace Ventura: Nice to meet you. Bumblebee tuna! Bumblebee tuna! Excuse me. [whispers] Your balls are showing! Bumblebee tuna!




Ace Ventura: Okay, everything here seems good. Big load off my mind. You can speculate all you want but unless you check it out for yourself, you never know. [chuckles] We should head back now.
Fulton Greenwall: Aren't you going to go investigate?
Ace Ventura: There's no reason for anyone to go in there. Ever. I... sense it as a holy man.
Fulton: But I thought you said...
Ace Ventura: IT'S DARK! I COULD FALL INTO A PRECIPICE!
Ouda: Here you go.
[hands him a torch]
Ace Ventura: [gives look] Spank you, Helpy Helperton.




Ace Ventura: Greenwall, hit the lights! The switch on the wall beside you! Go for it! [starts crawling around furiously as if to attempt a daring escape, then stops] ...Flick it, QUICK!
[Greenwall does nothing]
Ace Ventura: All-righty then, shall we go to jail?




[with Greenwall at top of the huge stairs leading to a temple]
Ace Ventura: I'll meet you at the bottom. There's still one more thing I must do before I go...
[close-up of slinky going down huge steps to temple]
Ace Ventura: Isn't this incredible?! It's gonna be some kind of a record!! [singing] Everyone loves a Slinky, you gotta get a Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, go Slinky go!
[Slinky stops on the second to last step]
Ace Ventura: Awwwwww, MAN!! Can you believe it?! It was RIGHT there! Can I do it one more time?
Fulton Greenwall: Forgive me, Mr Ventura, but if we don't hurry now, we might miss the plane.
Ace Ventura: Of course. How selfish of me. Let's do all the things that YOU wanna do.




[Ace is horrified at being inside a room decorated with the heads and bodies of animals]
Quinn: Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Ace Ventura: Of course not. This is a lovely room of death. Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.




Fulton Greenwall: My name is Fulton Greenwall, and I am looking for an Ace Ventura.
Ashram Monk: No man here... carries with him... a label...
Fulton Greenwall: Oh yes. No names, how silly of me. Umm, he is an American.
Ashram Monk: We are all children... of the same life force...
Fulton Greenwall: [thinking of any other descriptions] Yes, well, he bends over and speaks from his rear.
Ashram Monk: Oh, him. This way.




[Watchootoo chief speaks in Watchootoo to Ace]
Ouda: Wachootoo Chief say, "You friend to Watchootoo."
[Ace snorts and the Watchootoo chief speaks again]
Ouda: "But if curse of Shikaka not lifted by tomorrow sun at top of sky, Wachootoo kill all Wachati, and smash your head on a rock."
Ace Ventura: ...Super. Take care now, bye-bye then.






Fry: It's the future! My parents, my coworkers, my girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again! [pause] Yahooo!





Fry: What if Bender was really giant?
Leela: You idiot! We already saw that.
Fry: I know. I liked it. I want to see it again.
Professor Farnsworth: We are not seeing it again! Ask something less stupid!
Fry: Um… What if I never fell into that freezer-doodle and came to the future-jiggy?
Professor Farnsworth: That question is less stupid; though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.




Fry: Wow, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity, or something?
Stephen Hawking: Sure. Why not.



Leela: Uh, were you guys singing?
Bender: No, I was telling you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.




Fry: Can I ask you a question?
Leela: As long as it's not about my eye.
Fry: Uhh…
Leela: Is it about my eye?
Fry: Sort of.
Leela: [sighs] Just ask the question.
Fry: What's with the eye?




Leela: Fry, we have a crate to deliver.
Fry: Well, let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.
Bender: Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.
Leela: OK, if everyone's finished being stupid—
Fry: I had more, but you go ahead.
Leela: We'll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we'll go home.
Fry: But I've never been to the moon!
Leela: Ok, we'll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we'll go ride the bumper cars.




Amy: Leela's gonna kill me.
Bender: No, she'll probably make me do it.




Leela: If the oxygen holds out, we might live long enough to starve to death.




Bender: [murmuring in his sleep] Kill all humans, kill all humans, must kill all…
Fry: Bender, wake up!
Bender: I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.
Fry: Say, uh, where's your bathroom?
Bender: Bath-what?
Fry: Bathroom.
Bender: What-room?
Fry: Bathroom!
Bender: What-what?
Fry: Never mind.
Bender: [murmuring in his sleep] Hey, sexy mama… wanna kill all humans?




Bender: Fry, of all the friends I've had… you're the first




Fry: OK, I give up. What's the catch?
Salesman: Oh. No catch. Although we are technically in New Jersey…
[Later, back at Planet Express]
Fry: Not even one place remotely livable.




Zapp Brannigan: Captain's journal. Stardate…uh…
Kif: April thirteenth.
Zapp Brannigan: April thirteenth…point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? [pause] Kif, I'm asking you a question!




Fry: What do we do now?
Leela: Well, I guess we just sit around and wait for death.
Bender: Can do. [sits back and puts his legs in a resting position]




Leela: [seeing the little animal] Hmm... he doesn't seem to be on the checklist.
Bender: So, you're saying we can cook him?
Fry: Yeah, a barbecue! I'll wear my hilarious apron.
Leela: No! I don't care how hilarious your apron is, we're not cooking him. Aww... I'll call him Nibbler.
Bender: Aww! [whispering to Fry] I'll fire up the grill.




Robot #1: Administer the test.
Robot #2: Which of the following would you most prefer? A: a puppy, B: a pretty flower from your sweety, or C: a large properly formatted data file?
Robot #1: Choose!
Fry: Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?
Robot #2: No, it is the bad kind of puppy.
Leela: Then we'll go with that data file!
Robot #2: Correct!
Robot #1: The flower would also have been acceptable.




Bender: Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious.




Fry: You can see how I lived before I met you.
Bender: You lived before you met me?!
Fry: Sure, lots of people did.
Bender: Really?!




Male Nibblonian: Does he not know?
Nibbler: He does not know.
Female Nibblonian: He knows not?
Nibbler: Knows not does he.
Nibblonian: Not he knows?
Male Nibblonian: Enough! Fry, it is my duty to inform you that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and all that will exist rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe.
Fry: Oh snap!




Fry: Hey, wait! This thing knows everything, right?
Male Nibblonian: Yes, which is why you're supposed to be setting off a bomb!
Fry: Wait, I can't miss this opportunity to learn the answers to some of the bigger questions. Umm, is it true that postage stamp glue is made of—
Giant Brain: Correct! Toad mucus.
Male Nibblonian: There's no time for this! Activate the bomb!
Fry: Okay, just one more. Ummm, what really killed the dinosaurs?
Giant Brain: Me!




Fry: Ah, Brains!
Male Nibblonian: Fear not mighty one. Your missing brain wave makes you invisible to them, so long as you avoid intense thinking.
Fry: Sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention.
Male Nibblonian: That is most wise.
Fry: Who?




Professor Farnsworth: Now, be careful, Fry. And if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage. Their rich, tasty courage... [licks lips]




Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is the element of suprise. Suprise!
[The troops are dropped through a trap door.]




Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle's not so bad?
Soldier: Oh right. I forgot about the battle.




Zapp Brannigan: (on the enemy.) We don't know anything about their language, their history or what they look like. But we can assume this: they stand for everything we don't stand for. Plus they told me you guys look like dorks.
Bender: They look like dorks!




Water Wheel Robot: Where did you get that CD?
Bender: It's one of my ten 'Desert Island Discs'. I never really thought I'd get to use them but look at me now!
Water Wheel Robot: CD's are unnatural, why don't you just listen to the ocean?
Bender: Which ocean? That ocean? [Listens] Woah, it's the like the earth making sweet salty love to itself while all the fish groove on it! So much for this garbage. [Stomps on CDs] Take that Beethoven, you deaf bastard!




Bender: I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways…by force!!




Bender: Is it not possible, nay probable, that my entire life is just a figment of mine or someone else's imagination?
Upgrade Attendant: No, get out.




Professor Farnsworth: Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys, do something! Satan, you owe me!




















[After Fry discovers Seymour lived twelve years after he was frozen, Fry destroys the cloning machine]
Bender: Fry, what's wrong?
Fry: Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably added new songs to his repertoire.
Bender: But that's a good thing! "Walking on Sunshine" sucks noodles!
Fry: I had Seymour 'till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. [kisses Seymour's head and leaves]
[The scene changes to January 2000, with the song "I Will Wait for You" by Connie Francis as the background music. The scene shows Seymour waiting faithfully on the sidewalk outside Panucci's for Fry throughout the seasons.]



...













HVAÐ MERKJA BÚNINGAR Í STAR TREK?


Rauðir búningar: Bridge and command staff.
Gulir búningar: Starship operations (sem er daglegur rekstur skipsins, engineering, security og þvíumlíkt).
Bláir búningar: Sciences og Medical.
Það eru tveir mismunandi "pippar" (einsog þeir eru kallaðir) á krögum Starfleet fólksins (fyrir utan útgáfurnar sem eru á fyrrverandi Maquis mönnunum). Annars vegar eru það gylltir pippar(O), og hinsvegar gylltir pippar með svörtum kjarna.(o) Þeir eru gjarnan kallaðir hálfir pippar.

Pipparnir tákna síðan tign viðkomandi.

O - Ensign
Oo - Lieutenant, j.g. (junior grade)
OO - Lieutenant
OOo - Lieutenant Commander
OOO - Commander
OOOO - Captain




The Moar You Know!







.......









...





[At the Battle of Serenity Valley, Mal talks to his troops.]
Mal: We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.








(Wash is playing with plastic dinosaurs.)
Wash: (as Stegosaurus) Yes...yes. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it...this land. (as Allosaur) I think we should call it your grave! (as Stegosaurus) Ah! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! (as Allosaur) Ha ha ha! Mine is an evil laugh! Now DIE! (as Stegosaurus) Oh no, God, oh dear God in heaven...




[The crew waits quietly as a Reaver ship passes.]
Simon: What happens if they board us?
Zoe: If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order.




Jayne (over radio): Cap'n, cap'n, can you hear me?
Mal: I'm standing right here.
Jayne: You're coming through loud and clear.
Mal: 'Cause I'm standing right here.




Simon: I'm trying to put this as delicately as I can...how do I know you won't kill me in my sleep?
Mal: You don't know me, son, so let me put this to you plainly: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake. You'll be facing me. And you'll be armed.
Simon: Are you always this sentimental?
Mal: I had a good day.
Simon: You had the Alliance on you, criminals and savages... half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded including yourself, and you're harboring known fugitives.
Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough.




[After Wash executes a brilliant escape from the Reavers, Zoe turns to Mal.]
Zoe: Sir? I'd like you to take the helm, please. I need this man to tear all my clothes off.
[She grabs Wash by the jacket and drags him off.]
Wash: Work, work, work…




Zoe: I know something ain't right.
Wash: Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail.




[After a drunken Lund toasts to the Alliance, Mal goes to the bar for a quiet drink]
Lund: You gonna drink to the Alliance with me? Six years ago today, the Alliance sent the browncoats running, pissing their pants. You know... your coat's kind of a brownish color...
Mal: It was on sale. [drinks]
Lund: You didn't toast. You know, I'm thinking you're one of them Independents.
Mal: And I'm thinking you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling. So why don't we just ignore each other until we go away?
Lund: The Independents were a bunch of inbred, cowardly piss-pots. Should've been killed off of every world spinnin'.
Mal: [turns] Say that to my face.
Lund: I said you're a coward and a piss-pot. Now what are you gonna do about it?
Mal: [smiles] Nothing. I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you.
[Lund turns, and Zoe knocks him out with the butt of her rifle]
Mal: Drunks are so cute.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Mal and Zoe are back on the ship after barely escaping a losing barfight on Unification Day.]
Zoe: Funny, sir, how you always seem to find yourself in an Alliance-friendly bar come U-Day, lookin' for a quiet drink.
Mal: See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia, all paranoid and crotchety. Breaks the heart.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Mal washes his bloodied knuckles in the infirmary.]
Mal: I know they tell ya, you never hit a man with a closed fist, but it is, on occasion, hilarious.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mal: Well, what about you, Shepherd? How come you're flyin' with us brigands? I mean, shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the fuzzy-wuzzies or some such?
Book: Oh, I got heathens aplenty right here.
Mal: If I'm your mission, Shepherd, best give it up. You're welcome on my boat - God ain't.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Mal and Zoe make a disturbing discovery on during their train heist.]
Zoe: Sir, is there some information we might maybe be lacking as to why there's an entire Fed squad sitting on this train?
Mal: Doesn't concern us.
Zoe: It kinda concerns me.
. . .
Zoe: You don't think that changes the situation a bit?
Mal: I surely do. Makes it more fun!
Zoe: Sir? I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.
...
Mal: Hell, this job I would pull for free.
Zoe: Then can I have your share?
Mal: No.
Zoe: If you die, can I have your share?
Mal: Yes.

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[The remaining Serenity crew argues about what to do with stolen goods, when River interrupts.]
River: [They] won't stop. They'll never stop. They'll just keep coming, until they get back what you took. Two by two, hands of blue.… two by two, hands of blue.…

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[Jayne is demanding that Wash take off for the delivery without Mal and Zoe.]
Jayne: You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with 'til you understand who's in ruttin' command here! Now we're finishing this deal, and then maybe -- MAYBE we'll come back for those morons... got themselves caught... and you can't change that by getting all... bendy.
Wash: All what?
Jayne: You got the light... from the console to keep you... lifting you up... they shine like... [starts grabbing at the air] little angels...
[Jayne promptly falls flat onto the floor.]
Wash: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
Simon: I told him to sit down.

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[Mal sees Jayne sedated and sprawled out on a staircase]
Kaylee: We tried moving him to the infirmary, he's just heavy...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Jayne, still sprawled out on the staircase, shoots Crow in the lower leg before he can stab Mal]
Mal: Nice shot.
Jayne: [slurred] I was aimin' for his head.

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[A tied-up Crow is made to kneel outside Serenity as it prepares to lift off]
Mal: Now this is all the money Niska gave us in advance. You give it back to him, tell him the job didn't work out. We're not thieves -- well, we are thieves, but the point is we're not taking what's his. We'll stay out of his way as best we can from here on in. You'll explain that's best for everyone, okay?
Crow: [stands up] Keep the money. Use it to buy a funeral. It doesn't matter where you go, or how far you fly -- I will hunt you down, and the last thing you see will be my blade.
Mal: Darn. [kicks Crow into Serenity's engine intake]
[Cut to another henchman being placed before Mal]
Mal: Now this is all the money Niska gave us in advance--
Henchman: Oh, I get it! I'm good. Best thing for everybody. [desperate grin] I'm right there with you.




[Serenity's crew and passengers are playing a kind of "spaceball" when an alarm sounds.]
Zoe: Proximity alert. Must be coming up on something.
Wash: [alarmed.] Oh my god! What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's FLYING this thing?! [deadpan.] Oh right, that would be me. Uh, back to work.

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Jayne: [referring to a derelict vessel in space] If there's folks on board who needed help, why aren't they beaming no distress call?
Zoe: It's true. There's no beacon.
Mal: Which means it's likely no one's looking to find her.
Book: All the more reason for us to do the right thing.
Jayne: How's about you just say a prayer and we slide on by?
Book: [to Mal] Shall I remind you of the story of the Good Samaritan?
Mal: I'd rather you didn't, but we'll check it out. Could be survivors. But if not, well, then we might as well take a look around and see if there's something of value they might have left behind.
Jayne: Yeah! No, uh... someone could be hurt!

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Jayne: [to Simon] Where do you think you're headed?
Simon: I thought I'd offer my services. [intently watching Mal and Zoe suit up] ...in case anyone on board required medical attention.
Jayne: Cap'n and Zoe are going in first, we'll holler if we need you... something wrong?
Simon: Uh... no, I suppose it's just the thought of a little mylar and glass being the only thing separating a person from... nothing.
Jayne: It's impressive what nothing can do to a man.

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Jayne: [to Simon] Grab your medkit, let's hoof it. Mal wants us over there on the double.
...
Mal: [to Simon] Uh, hi. What are you doing here, and what's with the suit?
[Jayne begins laughing]

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[After Jayne shoots an attacker, Mal finds him hiding behind a fan grate.]
Mal: No one's gonna hurt you.
Survivor: No. No mercy. No!
Mal: Any.… more than we already did.
...
Survivor: No mercy. No mercy-
Mal: [soothingly] We got lots of mercy. Lots. [punches survivor in the jaw, rendering him unconscious]
...
Simon: [dryly.] Oh, yes. He's a real beast! It's a wonder you're still alive.
Jayne: Looked bigger when I couldn't see him.

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Mal: [referring to the survivor] Charity would be putting a bullet in his brainpan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mal: Reavers ain't men — or they forgot how to be.

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[Kaylee contemplates bypassing a boobytrap.]
Kaylee: Sure. Yeah. [long pause.] I think so. 'Sides, if I mess up, it's.… not like you'll be able to yell at me.

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[Alliance Commander Harken discovers the brother-and-sister fugitive alert provides little information to help them.]
Harken: Well, I'm not about to have these surprises on a routine check. We run into these two, we shoot first. The brass can sort it out later.

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[Commander Harken questions the crew.]
Harken: You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?
Zoe: Fought with a lot of people in the war.
Harken: And your husband?
Zoe: Fight with him sometimes, too.
Harken: Is there any particular reason you don't wish to discuss your marriage?
Zoe: Don't see that it's any of your business, is all. We're very private people.
[Cut to Zoe's husband, Wash.]
Wash: The legs! [laughs.] Oh yeah, [I] definitely have to say it was her legs. You can put that down. Her legs, and right where her legs.… meet her back. Tha— actually, that whole area. That, and… and above it. […] Have you seen what she wears? Forget about it. Have you ever been with a warrior woman?

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Harken: Seems odd you'd name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of.
Mal: May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mal: That poor bastard you took off my ship. He looked right into the face of it — was made to stare.
Harken: "It"?
Mal: That darkness. Kind of darkness you can't even imagine. Blacker than the space it moves through.
Harken: Very poetic.
Mal: They made him watch. He probably tried to turn away, and they wouldn't let him. You call him a survivor? He's not. A man comes up against that kind of will, the only way to deal with it, I suspect, is to become it.

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Jayne: You save his gorram life, he still takes the cargo. Hwoon dahn.
Mal: He had to. Couldn't let us profit. Wouldn't be civilized.




[While Jayne plays virtual pool with a disreputable type, Mal chats quietly with Inara.]
Inara: I like watching the game. As with other situations, the key seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and standing back.
. . .
[Mal reveals he has stolen a large sum of money from one of the men, a slave trader]
Inara: Mal!
Mal: Oh, terrible shame. 'Course, they won't discover it till they go order their next round of drinks.
[A hand slaps down on Mal's shoulder.]
Slaver: Wei.
Mal: [out loud] Good drinker, that one.

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Zoe: Planet's coming up a mite fast.
Wash: That's just 'cause- I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all.
[As the ship begins to shake, Mal calmly leaves.]
Mal: Well, [if] that happens, let me know.

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Mal: It sounds like the finest party I can imagine getting paid to go to.
Inara: I don't suppose you'd find it up to [the] standards of your outings. More conversation, and somewhat less.… petty theft and getting hit with pool cues.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kaylee: Look at the fluffy one!
Zoe: Too much foofaraw. If I'm gonna wear a dress, I want something with some slink.
Wash: You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?
[Zoe laughs.]
Jayne: I'll chip in.
[Zoe turns to Jayne, still laughing.]
Zoe: I can hurt you.

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[Badger "invites" Mal and Jayne to a palaver.]
Badger: Course you couldn't buy an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle, but I've got my hands on a couple.
[Mal and Jayne grin.]
Badger: Of invites!
. . .
Badger: You think you're better than other people!
Mal: Just the ones I'm better than.

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[At the ball, Inara and her wealthy escort, Atherton Wing, are dancing.]
Atherton: You belong here, Inara, not on a flying piece of go-se. You see that, don't you?
Inara: Atherton, language!
. . .
["Miss Kaywinnit Lee Frye and escort" are announced. Kaylee enters, with Mal in tow.]
Inara: Oh, go-se.

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Mal: Does, uh, this seem kinda tight?
Kaylee: Shows off your backside. Did you see the chandelier? It's hovering.
[...]
Kaylee: These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I, how about that?
Mal: Just be careful. We cheated Badger out of good money to buy that frippery, and you're supposed to make me look respectable.
Kaylee: Yes sir, Cap'n Tight-pants.

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Mal: Okay, help me find our man. He's supposed to be older, kind of stocky, wears a red sash crossways.
Kaylee: Why does he do that?
Mal: Maybe he won the Miss Persephone pageant. Just help me look.
Kaylee (seeing a large bowl of strawberries being carried past her): Is that him?
Mal: That's the buffet table.
Kaylee: Well, how can we be sure, u-unless we question it? [grins]
Mal: Fine. Don't make yourself sick.

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[After love-making, Zoe just wants to sleep.]
Wash: Don't fall asleep now. Sleepiness is weakness of character, ask anyone.
Zoe: It is not!
Wash: You're acting Captain. You know what happens, you fall asleep?
Zoe: Jayne slits my throat and takes over?
Wash: That's right.
Zoe: And we can't stop it?
Wash: I wash my hands of it. Hopeless case. I'll read a nice poem at the funeral. Something with imagery.
Zoe: You could lock the door. Keep the power-hungry maniac at bay.
Wash: Don't know. I'm starting to like this poetry thing. "Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower… somewhat less attractive now that she's all corpsified and gross-" [Zoe hits him with a pillow]

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[Mal talks to Sir Warrick Harrow about Badger's offer.]
Sir Warrick: I know him. And I think he's a psychotic low-life.
Mal: And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic low-life community.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mal: My work's illegal, but at least it's honest.

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Gentleman: If you require it, any gentleman here can give you the use of a sword.
Mal: Use of a s-what?

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Mal: And I never back down from a fight.
Inara: Yes, you do! You do all the time!
Mal: Well.... yeah, but I'm not backing down from this one!

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Inara: You don't need strength as much as speed. We're fragile creatures. It takes less than a pound of pressure to cut skin.
Mal: You know that? They teach you that in whore academy?
Inara: You have a strange sense of nobility, Captain. You'll lay a man out for implying I'm a whore, but you keep calling me one to my face.
Mal: I might not show respect to your job, but he didn't respect you. That's the difference. Inara, he doesn't even see you.
Inara: Well, I guess death will solve the issue to everyone's satisfaction.

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[Badger and his crew have occupied Serenity until Mal returns]
Jayne: What we need is a diversion.....Zoe could get naked.
Wash: No.
Jayne: I could get naked.
Everyone: No!

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[Badger notices River wandering into the cargo bay]
Badger: Who's that, then? Here, look at me. What's your story, love?
Simon: She's just a...just a passenger.
Badger: Yeah? Why ain't she talkin'? Got a secret?
Simon: No, I'm-
River: (suddenly speaking in Badger's own Cockney accent) Sure. I got a secret. More'n one. Don't seem like I'd tell 'em to you, now, do it? Anyone off Dyton colony knows better'n to talk to strangers. (pokes Badger in the chest) You're talkin' loud enough for the both of us, ain't ya? I've met a dozen like you. Skipped off home early. Minor graft jobs here and there. Spent some time in the lockdown, but less than you claim. And you're what? A petty thief with delusions o' standing? Sad little king of a sad little hill.
Badger: (flustered at River's accurate "reading" of him) Nice to see someone from the old homestead.
River: Not really. (to Simon) call me if anyone interesting shows up.
[as she leaves, Badger grins]
Badger: I like her.
Jayne: (whispering to the crew) That there. Exactly the kinda diversion we coulda used.

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Inara: You're always breaking the rules, no matter which society you're in! You don't get along with ordinary criminals either, which is why you're constantly getting in trouble!
Mal: You think following the rules will buy you a nice life, even if the rules make you a slave.

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[Mal refuses to kill the prone, humiliated Atherton.]
Sir Warrick: You have to finish it, lad. [Mal doesn't move] You have to finish it. For a man to lay beaten, yet breathing? It makes him a coward.
Inara: It's humiliation.
Mal: It would be humiliating, having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man.
[He lightly stabs Atherton.]
Mal: Guess I'm just a good man.
[He repeats the poking.]
Mal: Well, I'm all right.
. . .
Sir Warrick: You know, you didn't have to wound that man.
Mal: Yeah, I know. It was just funny.

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Inara: Are you in pain?
Mal: Absolutely. I got stabbed, you know, right here. [shows bandaged wound in his side]
Inara: [squeamishly] Eh— I saw.
Mal: Don't care much for fancy parties. Too rough.
Inara: It wasn't entirely a disaster.
Mal: I got stabbed! Right here!
Inara: You also lined up exciting new crime.
. . .
Inara: I wasn't gonna stay, you know.
Mal: Yeah? Why's that?
Inara: Oh, someone needs to keep Kaylee out of trouble. And all my things are here. Besides, why would I want to leave Serenity?
Mal: Can't think of a reason.
[The camera zooms out to reveal a herd of cattle milling about the cargo hold.]




[In a flashback, a young River plays behind a couch while Simon works on a computer pad.]
Young River: We got outflanked by the Independent squad, and we're never gonna make it back to our platoon. [pauses] We need to resort to cannibalism.
Young Simon: That was fast. Don't we have rations or anything?
. . .
[River glances at her brother's homework.]
Young River: That's wrong.
Young Simon: It's from the book, River.
Young River: No, the book is wrong. This whole conclusion is fallacious.

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[Simon and River whine about getting a dedicated "source box".]
Gabriel Tam: I will not have it in my house. But, since your mother's already ordered you one, I guess I should give up the fantasy that this is my house!

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[In the present day, River is violently refusing to cooperate with Simon's diagnostic tests.]
Mal: So, she's added cussing and hurling-about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy.
Simon: It's just a bad day.
Mal: No, a "bad day" is when someone's yellin' spooks the cattle. Understand? You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It's kind of like a… a meat grinder. And it'll lose us half the herd.
Simon: She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle.
Mal: No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kinda carries. We're two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed — although I would take it as a kindness if she didn't.
River: The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
Mal: See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like.

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[Simon steps in a cowpie as Jayne drives the cargo of cattle out of the ship.]
Jayne: About time you broke in them fancy shoes. Hyah! Get along!
Mal: You know… they walk just as easy if you lead 'em.
Jayne: I like smackin' 'em.
. . .
Zoe: Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller.
Wash: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles.

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River: They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see sky, and they remember what they are.
Mal: Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simon: I'm very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows.

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Inara: Does it seem every supply store on every 'water planet has the same five rag dolls and the same wood carvings of… what is this? A duck?
Kaylee: That's a swan. I like it.
Inara: You do?
[Kaylee strokes the swan carving.]
Kaylee: Looks like it was made with… you know, longing. Made by a person really longed to see a swan.
Inara: Perhaps because they'd only heard of them by rough description.

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[Simon whines to engineer Kaylee about life on Serenity.]
Simon: It's fun, being forced to the ass-end of the galaxy. To get to live on a piece of luh-suh wreck. And we eat molded protein! And be bullied around by our pyen juh duh jiou cha[o] w[r]en of a captain. That's fun.
Kaylee: "Luh-suh"?! Serenity ain't "Luh-suh".

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Mal: This is the last time. Last time with cows. Hey, there was an idea regarding beagles? They have smallish droppings?
Zoe: I believe so, sir. Also, your disreputable men are here.
Mal: Better go take their money.

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[Shepherd (preacher) Book has been shot.]
Book: That's… that's quite a lot of blood, isn't it?
Mal: Just means you ain't dead.
Book: 'Fraid I might be needing a preacher.
Mal: That's good. You just lie there and be ironical.

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River: We're lost. Lost in the woods.

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Zoe: Knew a man who had a hole clean through his whole shoulder, once. Used to keep a spare hankie in there.

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[Jayne, in the process of ransacking Simon's belongings, pretends to read Simon's journal.]
Jayne: "Dear Diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. [flips page] Today we were kidnapped by hill folk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."

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Zoe: Cap'n'll come up with a plan.
Kaylee: Well, that's good. Right?
Zoe: Possible you're not recalling some of his previous plans.

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Zoe: You sanguine about the kind of reception we're apt to receive on an Alliance ship, Cap'n?
Mal: Absolutely. [pauses] What's "sanguine" mean?
Zoe: "Sanguine". Hopeful. Plus, point of interest: it also means "bloody".
Mal: Well, that pretty much covers all the options, don't it?

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Alliance Commander: Your official seal is out of date, Captain... Harbatken?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Mal appeals to Alliance cruiser Magellan's commander for urgent medical help for Book.]
Alliance Commander: We aren't an emergency facility, Captain. Our services aren't available simply to anyone—
Book: Com… mander… my… ident card.
[The commander examines his card. His eyes widen.]
Alliance Commander: Get this man to the infirmary at once.
[Mal and Zoe stare at each other.]

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[Simon and River have been kidnapped by the hill folk.]
Doralee: A place like this might be good for your sister. Quiet, safe… a place where folks take care of each other.
Simon: Mmm, yes. Seems like a lovely little community of kidnappers.

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[Mal, Zoe, and Jayne watch Book's operation just outside Magellan's surgery room.]
Jayne: This place gives me an uncomfortableness.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

River: I get confused. I remember everything. I remember too much. And… some of it's made up, and… some of it can't be quantified, and… there's secrets… and…
Simon: It's okay.
River: But I understand. You gave up everything you had to find me. You found me broken. It's hard for you. [breaking] You gave up everything you had.
Simon: Mei-mei. Everything I have… is right here.
. . .
River: We won't be here long. Daddy will come, and take us home. And I'll get better. I'll get better.

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Simon: It's been a big day, what with the abduction, and all.

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[Doralee reacts in alarm to River's ability to discern her young mute charge's tragedy.]
Doralee: "And they shall be among the people, and they shall speak truths and whisper secrets, and you will know them by their crafts."
Simon: What are you talking about?
Doralee: "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live!"

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[Flashback to an adult Simon, detained by the authorities and facing his angry father.]
Gabriel Tam: Have you completely lost your mind?
Simon: Pretty nearly.
Gabriel Tam: We got the wave at the Friedlichs. I had to leave your mother at the dinner table!
Simon: I'm sorry, Dad. You know I would never have tried to save River's life if I had known there was a dinner party at risk!

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Mal: They let us come, and they let us go. What kind of ident card gets us that kind of reception and send-off?
Book: I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God.
Mal: No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged.

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[Simon pleads with the hill folk, who have tied River to a stake, preparing to burn her.]
Simon: She has done nothing to you! If she dies tonight, it won't be God's will that killed her! It'll be you! Your lunacy, your… ignorance!
. . .
[Unable to free his sister, Simon climbs onto the pyre and holds River.]
Simon: Light it.
River: Time to go.
[A blast of wind signals the arrival of Serenity. Jayne cocks a shotgun from the cargo hold while Mal and Zoe approach on foot.]
Mal: Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoe: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain't we just?

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Mal: Sorry to interrupt, folks, but y'all got something that belongs to us, and we'd like it back.
Patron: This is a holy cleansing. You cannot think to thwart God's will.
Mal: Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? I'm not saying you weren't easy to find. [but] It was kinda out of our way, and he didn't want to come in the first place. Man's lookin' to kill some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting.
[Mal turns to Simon.]
Mal: Gotta say, Doctor — your talent for alienatin' folks is near miraculous.
Simon: Yes, I'm very proud.
[Mal addresses the crowd again.]
Mal: Cut her down!
Patron: The girl is a witch.
Mal: Yeah, but she's our witch. [cocks gun] So cut her the hell down.

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Simon: So, finally a decent wound on this ship, and I miss out. I'm sorry.
Mal: Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simon: Captain, why did you come back for us?
Mal: You're on my crew.
Simon: Yeah, but you don't even like me. Why'd you come back?
Mal: You're on my crew. Why're we still talking about this?

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[Simon and River enter the common room as Mal is telling a joke over dinner.]
Mal: So then the Shepherd says to the Companion, "Well, a good goat'll do that."




[Horse-mounted bandits accost a Conestoga wagon-like raft, driven by Jayne and a hunched-over woman.]
Bandit: You gonna give us what's due us. And every damn thing else on that boat. And I think maybe you gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.
Jayne: Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.
[The "woman" looks up — it's Mal in a